Generally in the USA if there is a court order for child support the child support payment is required to be paid through a state supervised Child Support Enforcement program.

Actually it is to protect the paying parent as it is guaranteed proof that the support has been paid. Late payments can result in incargeration. And it generally can protect them from exposeing their checking account information, credit info if they use one, or even allow parents to pay in cash spareing them the cost of banking services or standing in line to get postal money orders or cashiers checks that can be very expensive for parents who are paid from several jobs or sources or may recieve help from friends and family.

It also makes it much easier for parents to get employers to honor childsupport and benifits payments because they do not want to deal with this mess and would rather electroniclly transfer funds to a state agency.

It also means that recieveing parents get a check that is easier to cash and does not have to have a dangerous or hostile exchange. In some states there is a requiremet that the recieveing child must be present and or that only the custodial parent can pick up the check which helps see to it that the check goes where it is suppose to go. Most of these child support enforcement offices are highly secure buildings and ready accessible to public transportation. Most have public information boards where familys can be referred to other resources and clean public bathrooms which had not always been readily available at other locations.

And because those payments are processed through the agency it knocks out a lot of snide memos, tampering, or bounceing checks.

But the court sets child support payments. AND they can change them on any whim they might have. A good reason not to peeve the judge. Judges are NORTORIOUS for smacking down anyone that plays around about declareing income, paying, or "blowing" child support checks. Parents that harrass and brag to others and get caught playing off how they are living high on the hog at the expense of the other parent risks a support modification in such a way that they can't touch it. Parents that can prove, with any credible information, or show that Child Support is NOT being spent to benifit the Child usually can get their child support payment order modified. It can be redirected any number of ways but I have seen and supported! Child Support being paid directly to Child Care Centers, School Lunch programs, Summer camps, private sports coaching, and child advocates to see to it that the child has adequate clothing, personal gear, toys, diapers and eduaction so on. Don't kid yourself they make it really tough on parents that fail to get with the program. CHILD SUPPORT can not be redirected to siblings or any other family member biological or otherwise. And it can be a very short walk from supervision to looseing custody for any parent that fails in this area. Often it is accompanied by a not so pleasant mandatory lock up of the parent and anyone else that happens to be getting in the way. It can be particularly harsh for the people who end up paying court costs, bail, and sadly those that loose custody of their own kids because they get caught up in these dramas but it happens because the judge is required to address the charge before them.

To prevent abuses of power in US courts most states have instigated court policies and guidelines but anyone that thinks that with justification thay the court and court workers can mot get "variances" ( bascilly legal permission to ignore the guidelines) is not that hard. Good if it works out that a child has an unusual expense/need but I know has been used to get the attention of abusive parents that refuse to work things out and stop wasteing the courts time. I saw a judge actually make a non-custodial parent purchase an accessible van in the child's name and insure it for a paid driver because a parent kept argueing how they were being exploited having to drive the profoundly disabled child above and beyond what they were paying in support. Karma can be a *****.

What many don't know that any Parent that has a child on ANY form of public assistance in the USA; food stamps, general relief, or medical assistance they have to route all support payments to FIRST satisfy the cost of the State (Taxpayers) and if anything is left then the custodial parent recieves it. So all the blatter that Custodial Parents are living high on support and taxpayers is just bull. Even public houseing has an assigned value and that is no joke.

Let me remind all that posting personal information about others on the forums is not allowed.

Also attacking others that are asking for advice is against the forum rules... If one can not give advice without attacking then it is time to move on....

I will be deleting some post if those that quoted what is being deleted then it is possible yours will be deleted as well...

After doing a bit of clean up I have unlocked this thread.

With that said please keep in mind what the rules are when posting and regardless of the advice keep it civil.

Advice is only heard when one does it correctly. Once someone is attacked no matter how good the advice is.....it will no longer have any meaning...

Have a good day!


Site Mod
Kristi

as a mother myself, I'm inclined to agree, somewhat.. but the psychologist in me offers a different, more proactive, approach.. showing empathy to another's situation FIRST is key to getting their attention.. then by asking some hard questions they eventually derive the truth they themselves seek.. and typically.. when one arrives at that understanding, they adapt if more readily (as if it was formed from their own idea).. from my experiences, its a way to engage another's own logic into any given equation

although I may not condone what they inevitably decide.. as an adult and parent.. I can offer only support and years of life experience.. how that is perceived is entirely the onus of the recipient.. which is completely out of my (or anyone elses) control

agreed,, and this was my first response

Im not sure if two adults and two children can 'live off of' 508 a month. But back to the point. You are right, it isnt right for parents to use children against each other. There are times when there are legitimate concerns about a parents behavior or mental state which may lead to visitation issues. There are other times when people are just looking to punish or hurt each other. I dont know your situation. Whatever it is, I hope you will continue to be a father and contribute to the support of your child.



in this case, it should be about the child ,,,,and the childs needs,,, that was the most empathetic way I could express it,,,,

I hear what you are saying.. and couldn't agree more.. and from what I've read from Deny.. I believe he has the same concerns

if I may add.. the onus IS on us to proceed with caution and take a care on how we offer our support.. if we offer it in calmness.. experience suggests this the best approach.. the recipient is typically more open to receiving positive guidance.. however.. if we try to forcibly impose our beliefs on another.. we tend to get nowhere fast and everyone walks away feeling frustrated

I agree, care is primary,,,as is understanding that some are not yet ready to receive 'support', unless it is in the form of justifying their behavior or attitude

change starts inside and not outside,,and there has to be the internal timing/motivation for any of us to start the process,,,

agreed.. a person has to have the motivation to desire change.. however.. as it's been in my experience.. one CAN initiate change in another once one 'starts the conversation'.. that in itself is typically the first indication.. which I believe in this threads case.. was the original intent for the OP's title and first statement/question .. to me it read he was opening himself up to a better understanding of his current situation.. from both the pro and con standpoint..

please don't misunderstand.. I don't profess to know everything.. however my background and skills at understanding human behavior are somewhat different than others.. and with the added advantage of being able to see the forest AND the trees.. it simply allows for a deeper level of understanding while being open to others points of view yet still maintain my own

its all good

these forums are all about perceptions and opinions

it was my opinion that the desire for 'understanding' was well obstructed by the desire to blame or defend,,,,

finally some breathing room but yes my whole mess kind leaves me feeling like stud horse from a race track or prize hog something lol we made him not wanting i was to young still am things are hard enough ive been caring for mistys kids but i do ask myself all the time am i doing the right thing wstill wouldnt be paying support i pushed for the using the fact of a job and abilty to pay while she is on assistance to get the ball rolling but once the dna was done everything hit the fan her secret was out and its been a fight ever since now my visitation has been granted ive had three so far but its gotten worse being she dont spend wisely and woul use him against my family to buy her stuff or they wouldnt see him always i was never to be around and choose not to for them and my son now ive taken that away its really bad she makes the comments im ruining her live just to leave them alone thats what i dont get why women do that its not just her life is hard enough and im fast to make choices but thats from what ive been thru very young i started wrestling you just had to know what to do and do it second guesssing you lose noone whats that lol then first job and training you second guess dead of your friend are my job now you have to know it or bad things can happen if you fall between two barges your a pancake of this time of year there is snow and ice on everything i slip fall pancake fall in water its cold might not come back home i have all that plus am i doing right by my son fighting for him

Wheater "stud horse" or "brood mare" when two people make choices that create a child that is not wanted at least on one side, if only initially hopefully something that will become crystal clear quickly for the child's well being is a passed feeling, and that is repeatedly stated the "brood mare" and quite likely the resident "stud" are bound to resent the facts and do some postureing. Maybe not model parents they have a vested interest and probably a significant emotional one.

Carried to the extream being negative about a parent is considered child abuse because it is useing the child to create a hostile environment which children are not suppose to be subjected to. And it does not have to be in the child's presence because the disruptive nature of the hostility rarely evaporates just because the child is present.

Parent's have the right to not have contact with the resident "family" members but if they do not have a working relationship with each of them, as grinding as they may be, then it is createing again a stressful or hostile environment for the child. It is also "abusive" to any other minor child in the home. While it might not have the same social implication not to care about a child that is not one's own it definitely predjudices the court and should be avoided. If a child see's a sibling suffer and is not taught empathy and fairness by example, especially by the same sex parent, that absence of empathy and fairness will be intigrated into the child's moral character.

THe same resentment the resident mare will feel also when this little pony starts romping and stomping around with his Pop's family. That is normal adjustment but can be, almost always is, why blending families is difficult. Parents that go into blending families with the professed preference for one values set over the other are setting themself up for contest and failure

While Grandparents rights vary widely from state to state it is possible that eventually those rights could be represented. Unless there is just reason to do so denying the grandparents rights is not going to win friends and influence people with the courts. American Association of Retired Persons can refer you to someone in your local to represent those rights or at least make you aware of what they are. Given the dangerous nature of OP's employment and the fact that a step-parent will have NO LEGAL STANDING as a parent, married or otherwise, establishing an extended biological family relationship may be worth the effort. It would help to document it with photos, witnesses, mail, and visitations but it would much more impress the court if the biological Grandparents showed up for visitations, court hearings, and family counseling as well as other public appearances than a fiance.

Also given the stated dangerous nature of OP's employment, well really any single parent's situation it is imparitive for wills, durable power's of Attorney's for medical care and custody, and limited Power's of Attorney be clearly stated as much as a civilian as it is as a soldier. Placeing whatever assets you have in clearly limited trusts and or the hands of a trusted person that you know will benifit your child is essential. If a person'w wish is to leave lifeinsurance or other porperty to a child it needs to be structured in such a way that it does not become a windfall or a disqualifying income to an aged parent who may be depending on uncorrupted income or assets to raise a grandchild. Again AARP provides this information free to Grandparent's for an annual membership of >$20 so God forbid they find themself in the position of guardian they don't also have financial greif to deal with.

respectfuly stay off my thread your the reason the mod was here from me turning i in i go by first impressons i didny like your this was cleaned up and you but fouling it respedtfully do not reply on this and any other tread i may post

Women can be ******* and men can be ******** if any of my baby's dad's pay'd me child support i would let them see the kids but i haven't recieved a dime from one dad and my son is now 6 and is autistic my 2nd daughter well child support stopped because of custody crap!!! And trying to come up with money i have to sell **** just come up with money for a damn lawyer and my youngest her dad's in jail for drugs and will never be able to get a job being a drug addict and well no child support i only live off my son's SSI and can't work because i don't have money for a babysitter and they want 5.00 when i only make 7.25 an hour just not worth it so i decided to go back to college and **** men!!!! WELL THE ******** ANYWAYS!!!! wish you the best but i would so like money to support the kids they are expensive i hate to hear about ******* like her i hope everything works out take care sincerley deidre

its not worth it not to pay they will take your license in my county of ohio they dont put you jail for it anymore just because the county cant afford to so they just take your license pull you over and fine ya for driving anyway but you dont have a choice i whiched job and missed one payment and lost mine till it was paid off but there no public buses subways here it small town you do what you have to do

oh ffs, peeps giving advice here never washed a diaper, not had anything from a plastic bag.
Internet/cable? Oh my my, there's instructional ho hum.

beating gums as...arguing on the internet is like running special olympics. You may win, but you're still a retard.

ava gander at what was learned at age of eight~ say 1850. Shaddup 'n leave the youn'n learn without dat paint in corner.

what does washing diapers have to do with taking care of children? is that the only type of parenting experience that counts?

good news is ill off the boat thursday and will get to see my son saturday for our visit one thing i dont like about is i think i should get him more reason being

Is i havnt seen him he doesnt know me and i feel six hours every saturday im home just dont cut it in december i was only home home one week january ill home two anyway i just dont feel that im home for a whole week off work that more than one day would be better for him because i feel he forgets who i am while im gone ??????

might I suggest Deny.. ? the next time you see him.. have someone take a 'happy' picture of you both together and have it printed twice, one for each of you(I've seen places in the US that print digital pics to paper for well under $1.. ) make sure you give it to him before you have to leave again OR if that's not possible, at least you'll have it for the next visit.. you can also find a special toy or stuffed animal(something he's really into and doesn't yet have) that you can give with it and he WILL remember you.. you can also suggest that every night, before he goes to sleep, he should look at the picture and say 'goodnight dad'.. let him know you'll do the same, even if he doesn't or thinks it's 'nuts' lol..

if it's at all possible.. try finding fun things to do during your time together, like visit a museum or go to an arcade.. whatever he might think is 'cool' and remember to take lots of pics.. in no time, that'll be the first thing he asks for(the pics lol)

good luck