My husband and I were married for 17 long years. and Yes, 12 of those years were absolutely wonderful! but the last 5...I'd rather have been somewhere else.

He's a good man, but He is lacking in a lot of areas that are too numerous to list. which is why it was time to end our marrriage.

He was hurt and angry, which I totally understand. Now, 6 months later he has come around to my way of thinking. We are NOT reconciliing... We are simply staying " Legally" married until we can sell our house ..THAT'S IT.
My question to the group: WHY aren't my eventual ex husband and I free to date? We are no longer intimate... and I don't want to see him alone.

You are free to date. Just be honest about still being married in the very beginning. Many people, myself included, don't want to deal with the drama of someone being separated and going through a divorce. I'm sure there are many out there who don't mind, though.

Yep; what she said.

I won't date someone who is separated. If I grow feelings, and they do reconcile, I lose (get hurt).

If they don't reconcile, would it be my fault they didn't?

I know a lot of people tend to shy away from dating someone who is separated. When I was separated from my ex wife, I didn't date during that year of separation simply because I wasn't ready to date. But if you and your ex feel fine about dating, then go for it.

Yup, gotta ditto on that one too.

Who said that you are not free to date?

Well aparently my ex was dating before I knew we were seperated.
Go figure.

Aww, that is just wrong. Sorry man!

You'd be surprised.... soemone even said " NO, NO...you date when you are divorced" but hello... I don't know how long that's gonna be!

I think some are legally seperated and just waiting out the time required and I get that but I just as soon place my bets on the people who have got it all said and done and moved on totally single.

Too many strings and drama that first couple years. Have zero desire to be the "rebound" relationship or share with anyone who is getting it for old time sake. I even tend to avoid the "friendly" but divorced folks as too much hassle to be worth it.

I moved on and lead my life as a single and want the same. Maybe that is tough to hear for those just getting out of a relationship but I don't think I have to back track through certain experiences when there are PLENTY of single folks to pick from.

One thing I do know is the smartest thing I did was cut if off point blank and I avoided a lot of the miseries I saw others go through.

I took a loss on a house, business, and actually missed some of my Ex's but there is no amount of money worth dragging out a marriage that is over. Life is too short for a few bucks; even a few thousand bucks.

I do have a question for you? Why stay married just to sell the house? Is it easier on the paperwork? Hope you don't mind me asking but having never been married; I really don't understand the legal complications of a couple selling a house?

I was Legally separated and I still didn't date til after my Divorce. I guess I could have, he had a girlfriend, but to me I was still married until divorced. That's just me.

yeah,, we are free to date whomever we want whenever we want,, except children and animals of course

nothing stopping us,,,its just personal choice,,

and of course, for those married, there is potential legal consequence to adultery IF a divorce ever occurs,,,

Hummm well after they split and living in separate houses then there is nothing wrong with it...

Just that many that I have found that was just separated was not over the ex. I prefer one to be single and totally divorced. If they are not then they must at least be in the process of divorce...

To me when two people that no longer live with another and not divorced are still dealing with the issue.

I believe if you both a legally separated you should feel free to date who you want regardless of what other people think or say. Some people will be cautious about dating someone who is separated but if their is no sign of reconciling then go out and date. Go rock the single life and be happy.

Being new to this, I have to side with everyone that said if that is what you want to do. I don't WANT to date right now because I still have weird feeelings about relationships in general. If two grown folks can be upright and honest with each other, and let the other know they are dating = I say have at it.

Not everyone's opinion is going to match yours. I wouldn't date someone until they're divorced, but someone else might date someone before they're divorced.

well then you have to choose priorities. A lot of people (myself included) will not date someone who is married or separated. period. that is the reality you have in front of you. That is what you need to understand. That is the reality. Many will not care about your reasons.

It is up to you to decide whether to date within the pool of men who will date you under your circumstances, divorce now and handle the house situation otherwise, or just wait to date till you are divorced.

with all the drama potential of your situation, if I were a man, I'd run like heck in the opposite direction

that is not a value judgement of you - just the reality you face - what you do about it -accept it or change is entirely up to you

well then you have to choose priorities. A lot of people (myself included) will not date someone who is married or separated. period. that is the reality you have in front of you. That is what you need to understand. That is the reality. Many will not care about your reasons.


with all the drama potential of your situation, if I were a man, I'd run like heck in the opposite direction

that is not a value judgement of you - just the reality you face - what you do about it -accept it or change is entirely up to you




Yup, and a lot of guys feel the same way. Unless they are just looking for a quick roll in the straw.