You're also choosing to stay with someone who isn't right for you based on your own preferences. You're both to blame, as you also just want what you want.

All that I want is more time and that's what I tell her. I want to continue loving her and remain committed to her. If she accepts my terms and stays it's on her.

She's a big girl and I'm not responsible for her the choices she makes. She is free to leave at any time.

All this has been covered already. Do you have anything new to add?

You've received all kinds of input from women here, yet you've blown it all off and blamed women for your issues. It seems as though that was the purpose of your thread. If so, well done! :)

Nonsense, I asked what a woman gains by moving a relationship to the next level that she doesn't already have. She's not gaining more love or commitment or security. She does gain some more tangible things like access to his bank accounts. But, if that's what she wants, him making her wait is his best option.

So, all we're left with is she wants it because she wants it. But why? Because she does and if you don't give it to her you're a jerk.

I haven't blown anything off. I've discussed it all. The conclusions I've reached have been inspired by the replies in this thread.

I am willing to discuss the topic more if you have something new to add. What does a woman gain by moving a relationship to the next level?

What she actually gains (and what no woman is willing to admit) is power. She wants to know she has power over him.

It all comes down to you and this woman wanting different things. If you want different things, you'll most likely both be happier with someone else who does want the same things. You can try to force it to work for a while, but both of you will end up unhappy.

I won't be unhappy. I create my own happiness and don't depend on external circumstances for it. I am responsible for my own peace of mind and so is she.

I've said many times, she is free to leave at any time if she's getting her needs met. If she thinks she can change my mind with her magic vagina, I'm willing to let her try. Let's see if she really is the best woman in the world for me. Show me what I'll gain by moving the relationship along.

She's the unhappy one. And she'll stay unhappy until she learns that a relationship isn't the magic train to a better life. It's the 21st century, she doesn't need rescuing.

first, its becoming confusing what 'next level' means

the only level I know of which legally gives access to bank accounts is marriage, and even that only works if you have opened joint accounts or decided to add the other to an existing account


or unless you get divorced



the way I see it, people want what they want, and so long as the communication is open and honest so as not to waste anyones time, someone leaving because its not a good match, is doing us a favor


whomever we are,,,,



accept that you dont want the same things, and let it go,, would be my advice





my answer as to why women might want to move to the next level, is this

the same reason men want to

,,,for many men the end game is getting the sex,, thats their last level,, even if they already have other physical forms of intimacy happening, its not the same to them as sex


and for many women, the end game is getting a more formal committment via the vulnerability and trust involved in agreeing to share a life,,,even if they already have someone who is being faithful and committed in their 'seperate' life,,,

I dont worry about why men are so focused on the sex, as long as there is honesty upfront about that, I am grateful for the honesty so that I dont waste my time somewhere with someone whose priorities are so different than mine, and they dont waste time with me,,,

I hope she isnt trying to change your mind, I hope she is just moving on becausee it sounds very much like you want different things,,,,


although a relationship isnt a magic train to a better life, if its the wrong one, it can certainly turn into the brick wall thats preventing it,,,,

Hey TS!

Is that the same woman you fathered a child with recently? I hope not mate... It would give this thread a whole new perspective... would it not?

Here's one that hasn't been covered...MAYBE the women in question pose the question as a WAY to create an argument big enough and bad enough to end the relationship without saying something like this, "You are a total jerkoff, thank GUD I found out before I made a serious commitment to you!" I've heard creating an argument is a good way to end a relationship that is going nowhere....

But, that's just it. Maybe we do want the same things and are simply on different schedules.

This topic situation is hypothetical.

I did break it off with the mother of my second son. But, this was not our issue. The circumstances of that relationship are a personal matter and I'd rather not discuss it further.

Again, all this has been covered. Moving in together, getting married or whatever is no guarantee of anything. She doesn't gain more love or affection or commitment.

As for the bank accounts, in my state not allowing her access to the family funds is considered abuse and a man can be arrested for it.

I'd accept that argument if she actually left afterward.

This topic situation is hypothetical.

I did break it off with the mother of my second son. But, this was not our issue. The circumstances of that relationship are a personal matter and I'd rather not discuss it further.

I totally understand... my apologies