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| Topic: Why does a relationship have to be going someplace? | |
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Sense my divorce I've been involved with a number of women. At some point they all asked the same question. "Where is this going?" I thought things were fine just as they were. I had my space, she had hers. We saw each other when we wanted and if it was inconvenient, we didn't. I was happy and she seemed happy too. Why does it have to be going someplace? What's to be gained by getting married that a couple doesn't already have? Most men don't know what is they want from us. Or they do and are/think they're ninja pros at hiding it. We ask this because some men get too comfortable in the mundane, boring stature of a relationship; in our eyes that is. We as women crave passion, excitement and romance. As much as we joke/deny this its still true. I personally never asked a guy this. Why ask when this question bubbles up the surface to begin with? Nay I say. In a woman's mind, sometimes she worries about the finite details. She has needs, as do you. Keyword "seemed." Did you guys ever discuss this? Probably not, based on the wording you used. Because we all want to know if you are our one true love. If you are not, be honest, tell us, quit wasting our time. As "pathetic" "crazy" "unrealistic" as this sounds, this is what we always think about in a relationship. Do we really see a future with you? Not all of us go with the flow. Nothing is more powerful than a woman's nurturing heart. It shouldn't be wasted either. Absolutely nothing. Marriage is a form of "sanctity." It doesn't hold purpose for everyone. Well said! Though, I don't think we're always wanting to know if they are our one true love. I'm sure that comes at a point, but it would depend on where the relationship is at the time. Not always for ALL women but its a big one that we think about. Especially when it doesn't feel/is clear. Most of us want to know how they feel and they never/rarely tell us. |
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My point is this. Some women may want to pressure you into being more involved in the relationship. This does happen (Yes. Men can do it too, lol). Women are a mystery to us guys. However, they also give us obvious clues as to how they feel. Us guys are sometimes blind to seeing these clues though. Lol. Bottom line...when a girl really likes you...she is gonna want more of you. YEAH...no. I know you said SOME women but let's be clear about this chit...you men really don't know what y'all want from us and you get away with every little thing until we ultimately had enough. Men are naturally bad communicators (this is a biological fact not based in my own personal experience) its bound to tip the tables for generations to come. You men peg us as being "nags" "too sooners" "scary/crazy chicks." Its a label pinned on us to make it seem like we're just bishes on wheels. We're not all a mystery, a lot of us if not all make it clear how we feel about the guys we like in various ways. But I am glad you said guys are blind, but that's a PG rating for that response. I'd spew the long list but I'm trying to be a nice girl tonight. 
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Sense my divorce I've been involved with a number of women. At some point they all asked the same question. "Where is this going?" I thought things were fine just as they were. I had my space, she had hers. We saw each other when we wanted and if it was inconvenient, we didn't. I was happy and she seemed happy too. Why does it have to be going someplace? What's to be gained by getting married that a couple doesn't already have? Most men don't know what is they want from us. Or they do and are/think they're ninja pros at hiding it. We ask this because some men get too comfortable in the mundane, boring stature of a relationship; in our eyes that is. We as women crave passion, excitement and romance. As much as we joke/deny this its still true. I personally never asked a guy this. Why ask when this question bubbles up the surface to begin with? Nay I say. In a woman's mind, sometimes she worries about the finite details. She has needs, as do you. Keyword "seemed." Did you guys ever discuss this? Probably not, based on the wording you used. Because we all want to know if you are our one true love. If you are not, be honest, tell us, quit wasting our time. As "pathetic" "crazy" "unrealistic" as this sounds, this is what we always think about in a relationship. Do we really see a future with you? Not all of us go with the flow. Nothing is more powerful than a woman's nurturing heart. It shouldn't be wasted either. Absolutely nothing. Marriage is a form of "sanctity." It doesn't hold purpose for everyone. Well said! Though, I don't think we're always wanting to know if they are our one true love. I'm sure that comes at a point, but it would depend on where the relationship is at the time. Not always for ALL women but its a big one that we think about. Especially when it doesn't feel/is clear. Most of us want to know how they feel and they never/rarely tell us. I can definitely agree that we'd like to know how they feel and it's hard to get that out of them sometimes. |
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Sense my divorce I've been involved with a number of women. At some point they all asked the same question. "Where is this going?" I thought things were fine just as they were. I had my space, she had hers. We saw each other when we wanted and if it was inconvenient, we didn't. I was happy and she seemed happy too. Why does it have to be going someplace? What's to be gained by getting married that a couple doesn't already have? Most men don't know what is they want from us. Or they do and are/think they're ninja pros at hiding it. We ask this because some men get too comfortable in the mundane, boring stature of a relationship; in our eyes that is. We as women crave passion, excitement and romance. As much as we joke/deny this its still true. I personally never asked a guy this. Why ask when this question bubbles up the surface to begin with? Nay I say. In a woman's mind, sometimes she worries about the finite details. She has needs, as do you. Keyword "seemed." Did you guys ever discuss this? Probably not, based on the wording you used. Because we all want to know if you are our one true love. If you are not, be honest, tell us, quit wasting our time. As "pathetic" "crazy" "unrealistic" as this sounds, this is what we always think about in a relationship. Do we really see a future with you? Not all of us go with the flow. Nothing is more powerful than a woman's nurturing heart. It shouldn't be wasted either. Absolutely nothing. Marriage is a form of "sanctity." It doesn't hold purpose for everyone. Well said! Though, I don't think we're always wanting to know if they are our one true love. I'm sure that comes at a point, but it would depend on where the relationship is at the time. Not always for ALL women but its a big one that we think about. Especially when it doesn't feel/is clear. Most of us want to know how they feel and they never/rarely tell us. I can definitely agree that we'd like to know how they feel and it's hard to get that out of them sometimes. Personally I think, since it is that time again, guys should walk with a board and chalk around their necks. Just in time for Halloween. A man that can express himself, that's a scary costume. |
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I thought this was about the woman asking where the relationship was going? Now it's about her telling you to marry her or she's leaving you? Those are quite different situations. If someone is asking where the relationship is going, I don't see that as trying to push anything on the other person. It's them finding out what the other person is thinking. Giving an ultimatum to marry them or they're leaving is quite different. Though, if the woman really wants to find someone who is looking for marriage, it's probably best to find out sooner rather than later than her current boyfriend isn't interested in marriage. If they're not looking for the same thing, the relationship isn't going to work anyway. Marriage is where that question usually leads. The point is, she's unhappy with how things are and wants to take the next step. Move in together, buy a puppy, have a kid, get married, etc. I was listening to a radio show while working last night. A man had allowed his girlfriend to move into his home. She then called the police and got a restraining order on him. Now, he has to stay 100 yards away from his own house! And he has to keep paying the mortgage and utilities. This is the law! Who would open themselves up to something like that? Every step she wants to make in a relationship carries with it a price that the man has to pay. He may be willing to pay it, but she's should be willing to wait for him to decide when the time is right and not push the issue. |
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Some women need a timeline and want to have a man around them. They've probably never been on their own after a divorce, or widowed and are still in that "There has to be someone all the time" or "they are always being told "You need someone." I have heard that one tons of times. Having a friend that is there and to share their time is good but you don't have to set up house or make claims as long as the feeling is mutual...My feelings
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I thought this was about the woman asking where the relationship was going? Now it's about her telling you to marry her or she's leaving you? Those are quite different situations. If someone is asking where the relationship is going, I don't see that as trying to push anything on the other person. It's them finding out what the other person is thinking. Giving an ultimatum to marry them or they're leaving is quite different. Though, if the woman really wants to find someone who is looking for marriage, it's probably best to find out sooner rather than later than her current boyfriend isn't interested in marriage. If they're not looking for the same thing, the relationship isn't going to work anyway. Marriage is where that question usually leads. The point is, she's unhappy with how things are and wants to take the next step. Move in together, buy a puppy, have a kid, get married, etc. I was listening to a radio show while working last night. A man had allowed his girlfriend to move into his home. She then called the police and got a restraining order on him. Now, he has to stay 100 yards away from his own house! And he has to keep paying the mortgage and utilities. This is the law! Who would open themselves up to something like that? Every step she wants to make in a relationship carries with it a price that the man has to pay. He may be willing to pay it, but she's should be willing to wait for him to decide when the time is right and not push the issue.  You talk like women pay no price for a failed relationship ...Restraining orders are not given lightly....Initially, they can/are placed without rebuttal from the accused in order to prevent physical harm to the accuser...HOWEVER, once a restraining order is placed the accused may contest it and if he or she can prove it is frivolous or false, it is removed immediately leaving the accuser to face the consequences of filing a false report with the court ....If you think commitment carries such as heavy price tag, why not just take advantage of a professional escort service to fill your wants and needs as they arise?...Think of all the moaning, groaning, and expense it would save you in the long run...
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I thought this was about the woman asking where the relationship was going? Now it's about her telling you to marry her or she's leaving you? Those are quite different situations. If someone is asking where the relationship is going, I don't see that as trying to push anything on the other person. It's them finding out what the other person is thinking. Giving an ultimatum to marry them or they're leaving is quite different. Though, if the woman really wants to find someone who is looking for marriage, it's probably best to find out sooner rather than later than her current boyfriend isn't interested in marriage. If they're not looking for the same thing, the relationship isn't going to work anyway. Marriage is where that question usually leads. The point is, she's unhappy with how things are and wants to take the next step. Move in together, buy a puppy, have a kid, get married, etc. I was listening to a radio show while working last night. A man had allowed his girlfriend to move into his home. She then called the police and got a restraining order on him. Now, he has to stay 100 yards away from his own house! And he has to keep paying the mortgage and utilities. This is the law! Who would open themselves up to something like that? Every step she wants to make in a relationship carries with it a price that the man has to pay. He may be willing to pay it, but she's should be willing to wait for him to decide when the time is right and not push the issue. You talk like women pay no price for a failed relationship ...Restraining orders are not given lightly....Initially, they can/are placed without rebuttal from the accused in order to prevent physical harm to the accuser...HOWEVER, once a restraining order is placed the accused may contest it and if he or she can prove it is frivolous or false, it is removed immediately leaving the accuser to face the consequences of filing a false report with the court ....If you think commitment carries such as heavy price tag, why not just take advantage of a professional escort service to fill your wants and needs as they arise?...Think of all the moaning, groaning, and expense it would save you in the long run... Can I apply for a job? 
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I thought this was about the woman asking where the relationship was going? Now it's about her telling you to marry her or she's leaving you? Those are quite different situations. If someone is asking where the relationship is going, I don't see that as trying to push anything on the other person. It's them finding out what the other person is thinking. Giving an ultimatum to marry them or they're leaving is quite different. Though, if the woman really wants to find someone who is looking for marriage, it's probably best to find out sooner rather than later than her current boyfriend isn't interested in marriage. If they're not looking for the same thing, the relationship isn't going to work anyway. Marriage is where that question usually leads. The point is, she's unhappy with how things are and wants to take the next step. Move in together, buy a puppy, have a kid, get married, etc. I was listening to a radio show while working last night. A man had allowed his girlfriend to move into his home. She then called the police and got a restraining order on him. Now, he has to stay 100 yards away from his own house! And he has to keep paying the mortgage and utilities. This is the law! Who would open themselves up to something like that? Every step she wants to make in a relationship carries with it a price that the man has to pay. He may be willing to pay it, but she's should be willing to wait for him to decide when the time is right and not push the issue. You talk like women pay no price for a failed relationship ...Restraining orders are not given lightly....Initially, they can/are placed without rebuttal from the accused in order to prevent physical harm to the accuser...HOWEVER, once a restraining order is placed the accused may contest it and if he or she can prove it is frivolous or false, it is removed immediately leaving the accuser to face the consequences of filing a false report with the court ....If you think commitment carries such as heavy price tag, why not just take advantage of a professional escort service to fill your wants and needs as they arise?...Think of all the moaning, groaning, and expense it would save you in the long run... Can I apply for a job? You can apply, but you must pass a physical exam which includes a pee test...We also test endurance levels |
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I thought this was about the woman asking where the relationship was going? Now it's about her telling you to marry her or she's leaving you? Those are quite different situations. If someone is asking where the relationship is going, I don't see that as trying to push anything on the other person. It's them finding out what the other person is thinking. Giving an ultimatum to marry them or they're leaving is quite different. Though, if the woman really wants to find someone who is looking for marriage, it's probably best to find out sooner rather than later than her current boyfriend isn't interested in marriage. If they're not looking for the same thing, the relationship isn't going to work anyway. Marriage is where that question usually leads. The point is, she's unhappy with how things are and wants to take the next step. Move in together, buy a puppy, have a kid, get married, etc. I was listening to a radio show while working last night. A man had allowed his girlfriend to move into his home. She then called the police and got a restraining order on him. Now, he has to stay 100 yards away from his own house! And he has to keep paying the mortgage and utilities. This is the law! Who would open themselves up to something like that? Every step she wants to make in a relationship carries with it a price that the man has to pay. He may be willing to pay it, but she's should be willing to wait for him to decide when the time is right and not push the issue. You talk like women pay no price for a failed relationship ...Restraining orders are not given lightly....Initially, they can/are placed without rebuttal from the accused in order to prevent physical harm to the accuser...HOWEVER, once a restraining order is placed the accused may contest it and if he or she can prove it is frivolous or false, it is removed immediately leaving the accuser to face the consequences of filing a false report with the court ....If you think commitment carries such as heavy price tag, why not just take advantage of a professional escort service to fill your wants and needs as they arise?...Think of all the moaning, groaning, and expense it would save you in the long run... Can I apply for a job? You can apply, but you must pass a physical exam which includes a pee test...We also test endurance levels I know how to pee and I've spent years on the Mingle political threads!
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I thought this was about the woman asking where the relationship was going? Now it's about her telling you to marry her or she's leaving you? Those are quite different situations. If someone is asking where the relationship is going, I don't see that as trying to push anything on the other person. It's them finding out what the other person is thinking. Giving an ultimatum to marry them or they're leaving is quite different. Though, if the woman really wants to find someone who is looking for marriage, it's probably best to find out sooner rather than later than her current boyfriend isn't interested in marriage. If they're not looking for the same thing, the relationship isn't going to work anyway. Marriage is where that question usually leads. The point is, she's unhappy with how things are and wants to take the next step. Move in together, buy a puppy, have a kid, get married, etc. I was listening to a radio show while working last night. A man had allowed his girlfriend to move into his home. She then called the police and got a restraining order on him. Now, he has to stay 100 yards away from his own house! And he has to keep paying the mortgage and utilities. This is the law! Who would open themselves up to something like that? Every step she wants to make in a relationship carries with it a price that the man has to pay. He may be willing to pay it, but she's should be willing to wait for him to decide when the time is right and not push the issue. You talk like women pay no price for a failed relationship ...Restraining orders are not given lightly....Initially, they can/are placed without rebuttal from the accused in order to prevent physical harm to the accuser...HOWEVER, once a restraining order is placed the accused may contest it and if he or she can prove it is frivolous or false, it is removed immediately leaving the accuser to face the consequences of filing a false report with the court ....If you think commitment carries such as heavy price tag, why not just take advantage of a professional escort service to fill your wants and needs as they arise?...Think of all the moaning, groaning, and expense it would save you in the long run... Can I apply for a job? You can apply, but you must pass a physical exam which includes a pee test...We also test endurance levels I know how to pee and I've spent years on the Mingle political threads! If this proves out, we may have an assignment for you as early as this weekend, would you be able to pull an all nighter, it pays double time?.. 
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if it's not broke why fix it..marriage is good for what,is it not much better to be with someone because one wants to rather than one feels they have to,who can honestly say what tomorrow will bring and for that much what the next ten or twenty years will..as if people don't change. ..i say if the dog stays in the yard why chain it...marriage another man made concept in the eyes of an entity that has not yet been proven to exist ..why must everyone feel the need to follow in the beliefs that others have made ..have we not our own minds and a thought..if one was married by a priest who was later found to be a pedophile just how blessed would that be,one might as well have been married by the garbage man..yea it's like that..jmo.. 
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You talk like women pay no price for a failed relationship ...Restraining orders are not given lightly....Initially, they can/are placed without rebuttal from the accused in order to prevent physical harm to the accuser...HOWEVER, once a restraining order is placed the accused may contest it and if he or she can prove it is frivolous or false, it is removed immediately leaving the accuser to face the consequences of filing a false report with the court ....If you think commitment carries such as heavy price tag, why not just take advantage of a professional escort service to fill your wants and needs as they arise?...Think of all the moaning, groaning, and expense it would save you in the long run... I didn't imply that women pay no price. However, we're talking about women wanting to rush things along. Obviously, she's weighed her options and decided what ever price she has to pay is worth what ever she thinks she'll be gaining. Restraining orders are often gotten by women against men that have done nothing. It's like women that get pregnant by one man and try to convince another that it's his kid because the second man is richer. It happens all the time. Immediately can take a long time if the courts are backed up. In the case I heard on the radio, it took 30 days and he had to evict her before she'd leave his home. As for consequences, that's generally a civil matter. He'd have to sue her. Hookers are an option I suppose, although I haven't indulged in their services myself. I find that talking to a pretty lady and taking her home isn't much of a problem. But, thanks for the concern. |
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It seems like the old "battle of the sexes" playing out all over again...Who is going to "win" and keep the "upper hand?"...Everything becomes competitive...I ran into some of this "stuff" in my earlier relationships. (YUK!)...There is very little trust. It's assumed that everyone has an "ulterior motive."...Everything that is "said" (and every "move") is regarded with suspicion. (And maybe even hostility.)...There is no sense of being on the same "page" and being part of a "team."...It's a "war zone" and a "watch your back" kind of reality where the person you say you love is regarded as the "enemy." (Someone who can "do you in" if you let your "guard down.") ...What an awful way to live! I wouldn't want to be part of this "stuff" anymore.
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It seems like the old "battle of the sexes" playing out all over again...Who is going to "win" and keep the "upper hand?"...Everything becomes competitive...I ran into some of this "stuff" in my earlier relationships. (YUK!)...There is very little trust. It's assumed that everyone has an "ulterior motive."...Everything that is "said" (and every "move") is regarded with suspicion. (And maybe even hostility.)...There is no sense of being on the same "page" and being part of a "team."...It's a "war zone" and a "watch your back" kind of reality where the person you say you love is regarded as the "enemy." (Someone who can "do you in" if you let your "guard down.") ...What an awful way to live! I wouldn't want to be part of this "stuff" anymore. Nor do I! Which is why I want to go very slowly. |
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You talk like women pay no price for a failed relationship ...Restraining orders are not given lightly....Initially, they can/are placed without rebuttal from the accused in order to prevent physical harm to the accuser...HOWEVER, once a restraining order is placed the accused may contest it and if he or she can prove it is frivolous or false, it is removed immediately leaving the accuser to face the consequences of filing a false report with the court ....If you think commitment carries such as heavy price tag, why not just take advantage of a professional escort service to fill your wants and needs as they arise?...Think of all the moaning, groaning, and expense it would save you in the long run... I didn't imply that women pay no price. However, we're talking about women wanting to rush things along. Obviously, she's weighed her options and decided what ever price she has to pay is worth what ever she thinks she'll be gaining. Restraining orders are often gotten by women against men that have done nothing. It's like women that get pregnant by one man and try to convince another that it's his kid because the second man is richer. It happens all the time. Immediately can take a long time if the courts are backed up. In the case I heard on the radio, it took 30 days and he had to evict her before she'd leave his home. As for consequences, that's generally a civil matter. He'd have to sue her. Hookers are an option I suppose, although I haven't indulged in their services myself. I find that talking to a pretty lady and taking her home isn't much of a problem. But, thanks for the concern. Restraining orders are SOMETIMES placed on innocent men AND women...A simple DNA proves paternity  ...When a restraining order is placed because a complaint has been filed, it is always placed as a TEMPORARY restraining order for thirty days OR until it is heard by a judge at which time both parties present their case and a judge decides merit OR until it expires and must be re-filed...There is expense to both parties with respect to filing one or fighting one...Lastly, if it is proven that a person has filed a false report consequences imposed by the court are separate and apart from any judgement the person falsely accused might be awarded if that person "decided" to file a civil lawsuit....Two different animals sugar plum.... And lets not forget that all of this BS falls under the heading of "It takes two to Tango"...If both people are nut cases they would/could face some of the problems you are using to excuse commitment phobia...If both people are reasonable, mature, responsible adults, breakups/disagreements usually don't escalate to the extremes you are talking about... 
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It seems like the old "battle of the sexes" playing out all over again...Who is going to "win" and keep the "upper hand?"...Everything becomes competitive...I ran into some of this "stuff" in my earlier relationships. (YUK!)...There is very little trust. It's assumed that everyone has an "ulterior motive."...Everything that is "said" (and every "move") is regarded with suspicion. (And maybe even hostility.)...There is no sense of being on the same "page" and being part of a "team."...It's a "war zone" and a "watch your back" kind of reality where the person you say you love is regarded as the "enemy." (Someone who can "do you in" if you let your "guard down.") ...What an awful way to live! I wouldn't want to be part of this "stuff" anymore. Nor do I! Which is why I want to go very slowly. |
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Restraining orders are SOMETIMES placed on innocent men AND women...A simple DNA proves paternity ...When a restraining order is placed because a complaint has been filed, it is always placed as a TEMPORARY restraining order for thirty days OR until it is heard by a judge at which time both parties present their case and a judge decides merit OR until it expires and must be re-filed...There is expense to both parties with respect to filing one or fighting one...Lastly, if it is proven that a person has filed a false report consequences imposed by the court are separate and apart from any judgement the person falsely accused might be awarded if that person "decided" to file a civil lawsuit....Two different animals sugar plum.... And lets not forget that all of this BS falls under the heading of "It takes two to Tango"...If both people are nut cases they would/could face some of the problems you are using to excuse commitment phobia...If both people are reasonable, mature, responsible adults, breakups/disagreements usually don't escalate to the extremes you are talking about... But, that's just it. It doesn't "take two to tango." The man I mentioned took a woman and her children into his home and was repaid with a restraining order. He'd done nothing except try to help this woman. But, it's just an example and beside the point. The question is, what's to be gained by moving a relationship along? We've covered security and come to the conclusion it's an illusion. Is there something else to be gained? |
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My 2nd husband could be "pushy" when we were dating..He was determined to "win" me "over."...My gut feelings told me that I wasn't ready to get married again. And my gut feelings told me that I wasn't really in love with him. (And probably never would be.)...But he was a "master manipulator" and a great "salesman!" And he basically "wore me down" and made me feel guilty for not wanting to marry him...The marriage lasted less than a year with 2 separations during the year...We weren't a "good match" at all...He "won me" and this was his goal. But he wasn't a good "family man." (And I had 2 sons from my previous marriage at the time.)...It took me a long time to recover from 2 "failed marriages" in a row...I waited 12 years to consider getting married again. My "last" husband gave me the time I needed to trust him.
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Edited by
GreenEyes48
on
Sun 10/21/12 07:41 AM
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I'm suspicious of "pushy people" in general these days due to my earlier experiences...And I try hard not to be "pushy" myself. (I accidentally made a duplicate post and thought I'd add something else!)
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