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| Topic: Why does a relationship have to be going someplace? | |
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Sense my divorce I've been involved with a number of women. At some point they all asked the same question. "Where is this going?" I thought things were fine just as they were. I had my space, she had hers. We saw each other when we wanted and if it was inconvenient, we didn't. I was happy and she seemed happy too. Why does it have to be going someplace? What's to be gained by getting married that a couple doesn't already have? Most men don't know what is they want from us. Or they do and are/think they're ninja pros at hiding it. We ask this because some men get too comfortable in the mundane, boring stature of a relationship; in our eyes that is. We as women crave passion, excitement and romance. As much as we joke/deny this its still true. I personally never asked a guy this. Why ask when this question bubbles up the surface to begin with? Nay I say. In a woman's mind, sometimes she worries about the finite details. She has needs, as do you. Keyword "seemed." Did you guys ever discuss this? Probably not, based on the wording you used. Because we all want to know if you are our one true love. If you are not, be honest, tell us, quit wasting our time. As "pathetic" "crazy" "unrealistic" as this sounds, this is what we always think about in a relationship. Do we really see a future with you? Not all of us go with the flow. Nothing is more powerful than a woman's nurturing heart. It shouldn't be wasted either. Absolutely nothing. Marriage is a form of "sanctity." It doesn't hold purpose for everyone. |
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Sense my divorce I've been involved with a number of women. At some point they all asked the same question. "Where is this going?" I thought things were fine just as they were. I had my space, she had hers. We saw each other when we wanted and if it was inconvenient, we didn't. I was happy and she seemed happy too. Why does it have to be going someplace? What's to be gained by getting married that a couple doesn't already have? These are good questions Texas Scoundrel but the only person that can answer these questions are the women you are with. The best anyone here can give is their opinion but we can't speak for the ladies you dated. Why not just come right out and ask why they want the relationship to go further? |
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I dont know about other women but i consider those things. i know i can depend on myself to pay my bills and i have no one else to blame if my dishes are left dirty in the sink. lol . I like doing what i please when i please so am i willing to give that up for a live in relationship? If i find the right person. I Honestly dont know.
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I don't think you can ever have one answer for all females that exist. Some us really vary. I can understand a couple that want to marry soon, live together soon, if one of them hasn't long left to live [cancer/any other life-threatening illness]. However, if someone wanted me to move in with them so soon, this to me would sound odd. I'd noy see any reason why we can't go about life as is. What happened to just being? I guess there will always be some that will read too much into their relationship.
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I believe that women want security. Not financial, but the security of knowing and believing that the relationship (time already invested) is going to be worth it. Perhaps after a few months she wants to move in together. You don't have to be married but she just wants to feel that the two of you are committed to one another. The phrase actions speak louder than words comes to mind. You stated, "I had my space, she had hers". That only works in the beginning stages of a relationship. Eventually, if she really like you, loves you, she is going to want to feel secure that you feel the same. And she will want more of you, your time, etc. I think that's normal. But I could be wrong. Lol. Damn Goof; you are right on the ball and took the words from my mouth. How did you get so damn smart?  I watched a ton of chick flicks. 
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I believe that women want security. Not financial, but the security of knowing and believing that the relationship (time already invested) is going to be worth it. Perhaps after a few months she wants to move in together. You don't have to be married but she just wants to feel that the two of you are committed to one another. The phrase actions speak louder than words comes to mind. You stated, "I had my space, she had hers". That only works in the beginning stages of a relationship. Eventually, if she really like you, loves you, she is going to want to feel secure that you feel the same. And she will want more of you, your time, etc. I think that's normal. But I could be wrong. Lol. Damn Goof; you are right on the ball and took the words from my mouth. How did you get so damn smart? I watched a ton of chick flicks. Hmm, maybe I should watch some chick flicks. Maybe I can learn something to, eh? |
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When the question of "Where is this going?" is asked. I think the answer of "I dunno?" Seems to be a good answer.
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Edited by
TexasScoundrel
on
Sat 10/20/12 04:41 AM
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Security? What kind of security? Emotional? Financial? If she has problems in either of these areas, we're defiantly not going anywhere.
I still don't see how taking the relationship to another place makes it more secure. And why is it "wasting her time" if things don't change? If we enjoy the time we spend together, why isn't that enough? Is it simply greed? Will she always want more? |
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TexasScoundrel...I don't think anyone should try to push or pressure someone they are dating into "more" than they want at the time...But I wouldn't call people who are sincerely ready to commit to a new relationship "greedy" per se...They are just in a different "place" than someone who wants to casually date for awhile...It's just a matter of finding people to date who share our preferences and priorities. This is how I feel anyway.
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I guess my answer would be this: If a relationship between two people is not moving toward a combined goal, the relationship is stagnent. It gets predictable and boring, leaving room for one of the people to look for more with someone else.
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I believe that women want security. Not financial, but the security of knowing and believing that the relationship (time already invested) is going to be worth it. Perhaps after a few months she wants to move in together. You don't have to be married but she just wants to feel that the two of you are committed to one another. The phrase actions speak louder than words comes to mind. You stated, "I had my space, she had hers". That only works in the beginning stages of a relationship. Eventually, if she really like you, loves you, she is going to want to feel secure that you feel the same. And she will want more of you, your time, etc. I think that's normal. But I could be wrong. Lol. Damn Goof; you are right on the ball and took the words from my mouth. How did you get so damn smart? I watched a ton of chick flicks. You poor bastard. |
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Sense my divorce I've been involved with a number of women. At some point they all asked the same question. "Where is this going?" I thought things were fine just as they were. I had my space, she had hers. We saw each other when we wanted and if it was inconvenient, we didn't. I was happy and she seemed happy too. Why does it have to be going someplace? What's to be gained by getting married that a couple doesn't already have? I'll answer your question, and I'll base my answer on what I know about you which is very little since (notice I spell since with an I and a C) I only know you through your posts....So far, every post I read reeks of sarcasm, egocentricity, or condescendence...I am not saying any of this depicts your true personality, I am just saying, as an older woman, that is the way you come across to me ....If you come across that way in person I can understand two things...I understand why women in your age range are put off by you (it's simply because they are smart enough and experienced enough to know a dead end when they see one) and I can understand why those younger women, who don't catch your emotional shallowness immediately, would eventually ask the question, "Where is this going?" ....It is because they don't want to "settle" for what you are offering....Hope this helps... 
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Sense my divorce I've been involved with a number of women. At some point they all asked the same question. "Where is this going?" I thought things were fine just as they were. I had my space, she had hers. We saw each other when we wanted and if it was inconvenient, we didn't. I was happy and she seemed happy too. Why does it have to be going someplace? What's to be gained by getting married that a couple doesn't already have? I'll answer your question, and I'll base my answer on what I know about you which is very little since (notice I spell since with an I and a C) I only know you through your posts....So far, every post I read reeks of sarcasm, egocentricity, or condescendence...I am not saying any of this depicts your true personality, I am just saying, as an older woman, that is the way you come across to me ....If you come across that way in person I can understand two things...I understand why women in your age range are put off by you (it's simply because they are smart enough and experienced enough to know a dead end when they see one) and I can understand why those younger women, who don't catch your emotional shallowness immediately, would eventually ask the question, "Where is this going?" ....It is because they don't want to "settle" for what you are offering....Hope this helps... i sense, that your since, in response to his sense, is due to his apparent lack of sensitivity. i think you answered his question 
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I believe that women want security. Not financial, but the security of knowing and believing that the relationship (time already invested) is going to be worth it. Perhaps after a few months she wants to move in together. You don't have to be married but she just wants to feel that the two of you are committed to one another. The phrase actions speak louder than words comes to mind. You stated, "I had my space, she had hers". That only works in the beginning stages of a relationship. Eventually, if she really like you, loves you, she is going to want to feel secure that you feel the same. And she will want more of you, your time, etc. I think that's normal. But I could be wrong. Lol. Damn Goof; you are right on the ball and took the words from my mouth. How did you get so damn smart? I watched a ton of chick flicks. You poor bastard. At least I avoid the Twilight films. And Navy...if you start watching chick flicks now, you'll never quit. Don't do it!!! The addiction is horrible!
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Sense my divorce I've been involved with a number of women. At some point they all asked the same question. "Where is this going?" I thought things were fine just as they were. I had my space, she had hers. We saw each other when we wanted and if it was inconvenient, we didn't. I was happy and she seemed happy too. Why does it have to be going someplace? What's to be gained by getting married that a couple doesn't already have? I'll answer your question, and I'll base my answer on what I know about you which is very little since (notice I spell since with an I and a C) I only know you through your posts....So far, every post I read reeks of sarcasm, egocentricity, or condescendence...I am not saying any of this depicts your true personality, I am just saying, as an older woman, that is the way you come across to me ....If you come across that way in person I can understand two things...I understand why women in your age range are put off by you (it's simply because they are smart enough and experienced enough to know a dead end when they see one) and I can understand why those younger women, who don't catch your emotional shallowness immediately, would eventually ask the question, "Where is this going?" ....It is because they don't want to "settle" for what you are offering....Hope this helps... i sense, that your since, in response to his sense, is due to his apparent lack of sensitivity. i think you answered his question Since you brought it up, can I just add that I find your common sense approach to the topic sexy as hell!!  
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This will be lengthy, so I hope you guys read it.
I feel men and women who are single hit a point in their lives when they look back at their dating track record, past relationship, serous relationships, marriage, etc. Well, they look at it and they hit that point where they realize that they want something more. Now, go with me here. TS...you are at a place in your life where you like your dating life to be structured a certain way. You date younger women. You like your space and you value giving her the space she will want. Nothing wrong with what you want. But I am feeling that most of these women you date become involved with you and they accept how you want things. They do this in the beginning because they like you, want to be with you, and they want to see how the relationship progresses. And that's the thing. To them, these ladies wait and watch to see if you will initiate a change in the relationship. Will he want to spend more time with me? Will we do more things together cause I would really like to....but I don't want to crowd him....Oh!...How do I handle this? In a way, when a woman asks you where the relationship is going, instead of being all frustrated with the question, maybe you should take it as a compliment that she asks it. She obviously wants you there. She obviously wants to be with you. She just wants to feel that you guys are moving forward in the relationship. And keeping things as they are sometimes doesn't cut it. Women are different. Some love independence more than others. Some love the mushy things more than others. But one thing I feel they all have in common is that.....well....when they meet a guy who becomes "that guy".....they truly want to adapt their life to that guy. So, these ladies may have loved that independence in the beginning and thought "This is great"! But as they spent time with you, maybe you started to become "that guy". I mean, when a great woman comes along, us guys are so good at not seeing them for what they are. We get caught up in sticking to things being a certain way. And maybe the girl isn't "that girl" for us. But then again....how many guys have you heard say "She was the one who got away"? And why did we push these chicks away? Oh....they decided to mess with the way things were. Yeah....us dudes are great about being prideful. Lol. So much that I feel it hurts us more than it helps. My point is this. Some women may want to pressure you into being more involved in the relationship. This does happen (Yes. Men can do it too, lol). But their are also those women who ask "Where is this going" cause they truly want to believe you are "that guy" for them. Truth is, if you don't want things to change, then you have the right to say so. But I'm guessing that you liked these women. And I feel you wonder why they wanted to ruin a good thing (at least you liked how it was going). Women are a mystery to us guys. However, they also give us obvious clues as to how they feel. Us guys are sometimes blind to seeing these clues though. Lol. Bottom line...when a girl really likes you...she is gonna want more of you. I dunno if I made sense here. Lol. Makes sense to me though. |
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Before I make a big life change, I want a damn good reason for it. I want to know if it's going to make my life better. And if it is, what will it cost? Will it be worth the cost? Or will it just add unwanted stress to my life? I would hope these are questions she's thought about too. Only she can tell you whether she's thought about those things, too. What it sounds like, though, is that you're both at different places in life and want different things. That's definitely going to affect how the relationship is going. Right, but are these the kind of things women, in general, think about? I can only speak for myself, rather than all women. You'll have to ask each woman what she thinks about to get a good answer. And yes, I do think about those things. I also think when the time comes, talking about where things are going is helpful to the relationship to see if we're still on the same page and what's going on. Ignoring it because you don't want to have the discussion isn't going to help. |
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Sense my divorce I've been involved with a number of women. At some point they all asked the same question. "Where is this going?" I thought things were fine just as they were. I had my space, she had hers. We saw each other when we wanted and if it was inconvenient, we didn't. I was happy and she seemed happy too. Why does it have to be going someplace? What's to be gained by getting married that a couple doesn't already have? Most men don't know what is they want from us. Or they do and are/think they're ninja pros at hiding it. We ask this because some men get too comfortable in the mundane, boring stature of a relationship; in our eyes that is. We as women crave passion, excitement and romance. As much as we joke/deny this its still true. I personally never asked a guy this. Why ask when this question bubbles up the surface to begin with? Nay I say. In a woman's mind, sometimes she worries about the finite details. She has needs, as do you. Keyword "seemed." Did you guys ever discuss this? Probably not, based on the wording you used. Because we all want to know if you are our one true love. If you are not, be honest, tell us, quit wasting our time. As "pathetic" "crazy" "unrealistic" as this sounds, this is what we always think about in a relationship. Do we really see a future with you? Not all of us go with the flow. Nothing is more powerful than a woman's nurturing heart. It shouldn't be wasted either. Absolutely nothing. Marriage is a form of "sanctity." It doesn't hold purpose for everyone. Well said! Though, I don't think we're always wanting to know if they are our one true love. I'm sure that comes at a point, but it would depend on where the relationship is at the time. |
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Security? What kind of security? Emotional? Financial? If she has problems in either of these areas, we're defiantly not going anywhere. I still don't see how taking the relationship to another place makes it more secure. And why is it "wasting her time" if things don't change? If we enjoy the time we spend together, why isn't that enough? Is it simply greed? Will she always want more? Again, these are things that only that woman can answer for you. We cannot read her mind and tell you what she's thinking. |
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if you arent moving forward or going backward, you are standing still
most people dont like to go backwards,,and sometimes women arent interested in standing still,,,, |
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