Community > General Discussion

Topic: Gay/Bi/Lesbian Choice?
navygirl Joined Sat 06/02/07 Posts: 8118	Fri 08/31/12 09:54 AM
I am an 18 year old girl, I have knwon about my being a lesbian since I was small. I have tried to date men, be with them, I cant, just as much as any of you can't be with the same sex. Why would a person chose to be made fun of, have their family turn against them, their friends turn their backs on them and be different? I did not want this for a very long time. I have accepted it, I am who I am, I am a lesbian just like some of you are straight. You can't be with the same sex just as much as I can't be with the oposite. Sorry that life has been so rough for you at times. I've heard "horror stories" from some of my gay friends about how they were treated by their parents and family and communities when they told the truth and admitted they were gay...The abuse they experienced makes me feel sick. It's not right. And some of these people grew-up in so-called religious homes...Anyway I believe that we come into this life with sexual preferences that kick-in when we reach puberty. I'm glad that you feel more accepting of yourself today even though society can still be judgemental and intolerant at times. Sorry about all of it. Agreed. You said it better than I tried to.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Fri 08/31/12 09:56 AM Edited by singmesweet on Fri 08/31/12 09:56 AM
Tired of people telling me I chose this. It's not a choice. I was born this way... No, it is a choice. No matter what you want to believe or why you choose it, it's a choice. But, it's not like I care, so if it helps you sleep at night, I'll play along. When did you choose to be straight? sometime AFTER I realized what gender was and started associating certain 'feelings' with one or the other,,, kind of like when I realized I liked ice cream not that I was BORN liking it but when the taste first hit my taste buds, I enjoyed the sensation enough to permanently associate the two,, causing me to continue telling myself I liked ice cream and reaffirming that reality mentally and emotionally every time I ate it,,, on the contrary, I didnt like liver. BUT , having the CHOICE to eat it and learning about its health benefits, I later learned to season it up in such a way that (when I cook it) I now like it. preferences and likes change all the time, if we have the mental and emotional openness to expand our perception and our experiences. So, you specifically chose at one point that you were straight, rather than gay? Interesting. I can understand choosing to act on feelings and be with someone of the same or opposite sex. But, I never chose to be straight over being gay. It was just something that I was. Being attracted to men in general isn't something I could just turn off because I felt like it.

Cutiepieforyou Joined Wed 10/17/07 Posts: 43085	Fri 08/31/12 09:59 AM
I have a male friend who is gay and from what he has told me it is not a choice for him. He still does try to hide it from some people.

Ladywind7 Joined Sun 04/08/12 Posts: 7833	Fri 08/31/12 09:59 AM
My brother is gay, he fought his gayness most of his life. He married a woman & he did the 'right thing' for years. I knew he was gay before he did. From toddler years it was obvious he was different. If choice was true, he would choose not to be gay.

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Fri 08/31/12 10:03 AM
I have a male friend who is gay and from what he has told me it is not a choice for him. He still does try to hide it from some people. yes, the consensus WITHIN The gay community is noone chose their behavior.

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Fri 08/31/12 10:03 AM
My brother is gay, he fought his gayness most of his life. He married a woman & he did the 'right thing' for years. I knew he was gay before he did. From toddler years it was obvious he was different. If choice was true, he would choose not to be gay. choice is true, but its hard to deny our flesh what it wants,,,

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Fri 08/31/12 10:04 AM
My brother is gay, he fought his gayness most of his life. He married a woman & he did the 'right thing' for years. I knew he was gay before he did. From toddler years it was obvious he was different. If choice was true, he would choose not to be gay. choice is true, but its hard to deny our flesh what it wants,,, Sounds like he tried choosing not to be gay and it didn't work. I've heard stories like that before. I just don't buy that it's a choice everyone makes.

bhernandez Joined Sun 03/21/10 Posts: 14901	Fri 08/31/12 10:05 AM Edited by bhernandez on Fri 08/31/12 10:05 AM
yes, the consensus WITHIN The gay community is noone chose their behavior. and clearly the expert on homosexuality would be a heterosexual.

Ruth34611 Joined Sat 08/02/08 Posts: 32402	Fri 08/31/12 10:06 AM
Tired of people telling me I chose this. It's not a choice. I was born this way... I agree that it's not a choice. But, even if it was....who cares? You are entitled to your choice of partner just as everyone is.

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Fri 08/31/12 10:08 AM
My brother is gay, he fought his gayness most of his life. He married a woman & he did the 'right thing' for years. I knew he was gay before he did. From toddler years it was obvious he was different. If choice was true, he would choose not to be gay. choice is true, but its hard to deny our flesh what it wants,,, Sounds like he tried choosing not to be gay and it didn't work. I've heard stories like that before. I just don't buy that it's a choice everyone makes. I know obese people who have TRIED not to be obese too, but it didnt work. and I dont think most OBESE people chose to be obese. I do think, however, that food symbolized something else for them in their personal life journey and they learned to ASSOCIATE it with the good feelings that they have hard time restricting themself from. They have to eat, being human, and they like the foods they like (that they didnt 'choose' to like) in the quantities they like. THey can learn the root cause of why their flesh craves what it craves though and work to find something else to fulfill whatever initiates that reaction. They can even learn to enjoy the healthy foods they may otherwise just 'not be able to eat'.

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Fri 08/31/12 10:09 AM
yes, the consensus WITHIN The gay community is noone chose their behavior. and clearly the expert on homosexuality would be a heterosexual. thats what I mean. here in a thread where several people hetero and homo are stating it isnt a choice, and ALL homosexuals are stating they didnt choose it me making the assessment about the consensus I am viewing is met with CYNICISM and an accusation that I am trying to be an 'expert'

Ladywind7 Joined Sun 04/08/12 Posts: 7833	Fri 08/31/12 10:09 AM
The flesh? It is insulting to gay people to not consider love in to their gayness. They love more deeply in my opinion.

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Fri 08/31/12 10:11 AM
Tired of people telling me I chose this. It's not a choice. I was born this way... I agree that it's not a choice. But, even if it was....who cares? You are entitled to your choice of partner just as everyone is. yes, we are. But we arent all entitled to have the government legally REINFORCE, encourage, or support our choice. I think peoples sex lives (adults) are their business as long as its in private. IF and when they want to / choose to make their business public or be DEFINED as a person by their business,,,,,they open it up to be other peoples business.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Fri 08/31/12 10:12 AM
My brother is gay, he fought his gayness most of his life. He married a woman & he did the 'right thing' for years. I knew he was gay before he did. From toddler years it was obvious he was different. If choice was true, he would choose not to be gay. choice is true, but its hard to deny our flesh what it wants,,, Sounds like he tried choosing not to be gay and it didn't work. I've heard stories like that before. I just don't buy that it's a choice everyone makes. I know obese people who have TRIED not to be obese too, but it didnt work. and I dont think most OBESE people chose to be obese. I do think, however, that food symbolized something else for them in their personal life journey and they learned to ASSOCIATE it with the good feelings that they have hard time restricting themself from. They have to eat, being human, and they like the foods they like (that they didnt 'choose' to like) in the quantities they like. THey can learn the root cause of why their flesh craves what it craves though and work to find something else to fulfill whatever initiates that reaction. They can even learn to enjoy the healthy foods they may otherwise just 'not be able to eat'. Your comparison here doesn't work well.

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Fri 08/31/12 10:12 AM
The flesh? It is insulting to gay people to not consider love in to their gayness. They love more deeply in my opinion. sex fulfills the flesh, just like food fulfills the body even though we may love the sexual partner, or appreciate the taste of the food.

Ruth34611 Joined Sat 08/02/08 Posts: 32402	Fri 08/31/12 10:12 AM Edited by Ruth34611 on Fri 08/31/12 10:13 AM
I guess what it comes down to is that if it's a choice, those who choose this preference can be judged for their choice. Whereas, if it's not a choice, they cannot be judged. Seems to me the problem here is those who do the judging.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Fri 08/31/12 10:12 AM
Tired of people telling me I chose this. It's not a choice. I was born this way... I agree that it's not a choice. But, even if it was....who cares? You are entitled to your choice of partner just as everyone is. This should be the case. Sadly, people are still attacked and put down for having a partner that others don't approve of.

GreenEyes48 Joined Thu 08/26/10 Posts: 1319	Fri 08/31/12 10:13 AM
I am an 18 year old girl, I have knwon about my being a lesbian since I was small. I have tried to date men, be with them, I cant, just as much as any of you can't be with the same sex. Why would a person chose to be made fun of, have their family turn against them, their friends turn their backs on them and be different? I did not want this for a very long time. I have accepted it, I am who I am, I am a lesbian just like some of you are straight. You can't be with the same sex just as much as I can't be with the oposite. Sorry that life has been so rough for you at times. I've heard "horror stories" from some of my gay friends about how they were treated by their parents and family and communities when they told the truth and admitted they were gay...The abuse they experienced makes me feel sick. It's not right. And some of these people grew-up in so-called religious homes...Anyway I believe that we come into this life with sexual preferences that kick-in when we reach puberty. I'm glad that you feel more accepting of yourself today even though society can still be judgemental and intolerant at times. Sorry about all of it. Agreed. You said it better than I tried to. You did great! Good for you for standing up and being quick to speak-out!...Even though you and I aren't gay we both know what it feels like to be "different" from the masses. (Because we don't want to play-out hard-core gender roles. Or just "fall in line" with everybody else.) You brought some of this up in your post and this was good.

bhernandez Joined Sun 03/21/10 Posts: 14901	Fri 08/31/12 10:13 AM
thats what I mean. here in a thread where several people hetero and homo are stating it isnt a choice, and ALL homosexuals are stating they didnt choose it me making the assessment about the consensus I am viewing is met with CYNICISM and an accusation that I am trying to be an 'expert' last time i heard you were bi.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Fri 08/31/12 10:13 AM
I guess what it comes down to is that if it's a choice, those who choose this preference can be judged for their choice. Whereas, if it's not a choice, they cannot be judged. Seems to me the problem here is those who judge. Well said.