Let's say you are dating this amazing person. They are smart and funny and great in bed BUT they have to tendency to go off on really depressed negative rants. I mean no matter how good the sex or dinner or whatever, they go back to some negative. Is that grounds to break up with them?

Hey there Teadipper!
Just my own personal opinion and experience here-I would say yes....I find I am energized by people who are positive and grateful and I find I am drained by those who are negative or feel entitled. If I have too many of the latter and not enough of the former hanging around, I get sucked into the void myself.

But..... I have also seen people change through a conscious effort & become much more positive, but that required an awareness on their part to start. Have you tried communicating to this person that you think they are awesome, and you care about them immensely, but there is this one thing that concerns you? It is really their welfare you are concerned about, don't you agree? Is any good served by being negative? It doesn't mean they can or will change, but if it is a matter of them not knowing how they come across to other people, they might be able to have a breakthrough.

Sometimes you just have to change your attitude, and then the world becomes a better place, and pretty soon you don't have to try so hard to see it that way.

Spell check is not letting me correct that spelling. UGH. This is a serious question. Let's say you are dating this amazing person. They are smart and funny and great in bed BUT they have to tendency to go off on really depressed negative rants. I mean no matter how good the sex or dinner or whatever, they go back to some negative. Is that grounds to break up with them? I mean we all have something in our lives, some more serious than other, that we can choose to dwell on and be negative about. Some real, some imagined. I mean when I was a teenager, I was so lame I felt bad for myself because I didn't look like Christie Brinkley (showing my age). But really I feel like no matter what happens, you have to try very hard to put a positive spin on things. I find it very hard to live with people who dwell on the negative. But is it grounds to leave someone? I mean I try so hard my sister's boyfriend went to prison for murder so I asked my friend who knows a lot about law, etc. about his charges and said, "Please put a positive spin on that for me" (this is just an example). He read the charges and it clearly stated it was a crime of passion and not pre-meditated. He did not plan to and kill someone that day. Now I know that may sound horrible but my friend who did that for me really put my mind at ease that is if my sister had to be with this person at least he wasn't a cold blooded calculated killer. And I rely a lot on this particular friend because he is so good at putting a positive spin on things, he helps me a lot in life (no not someone I would date).

I haven't had an easy life, especially in the last 10 years. A year ago my husband was in hospital for 3 months. I went to hell and back with him. Two weeks after he came home he died of an underlying colon disease no-one knew he had (not cancer).

So, how do you put a positive spin on something like that?

His sudden death was really a blessing in disguise. Had he not had this other "silent" disease, he had between a few months to 3 years to live. He had heart failure. He would have had a long, slow, lingering death where eventually, even on oxygen, he would have been fighting to breathe. The positive was he was spared that.

For me. I learned that I had more inner strength than I gave myself credit for. A positive.

I don't live in the past or the what might have beens. Instead I look forward and hope that one day I will meet another man who I can be happy with and make happy in return. A positive.

If we live in the past (negative) we stop ourselves moving on and being happy.

Seems to me this man is wallowing in self-pity and you are encouraging this by smothering him in kisses etc. Strikes me that he's very insecure and is relying on you to constantly boost his ego.

This type of relationship is based on pity not love and it can be very easy to confuse the two. Ultimately he will drag you down with him.

I can't tell you what to do but if it was me I'd get out of that relationship very quickly.

You deserve better.

And there is one other thing, he could be a depressive. I was married to such a man for 10 years. That marriage ended in divorce.

Good point. There is such a thing as good grief. I know Charlie Brown used to say that in the Peanuts strip and slap his head. But grief can change one for the better. It doesn't come at once though. But eventually over time with the help of friends it has the possibility to make one more human. As Socrates said, "The unexamined life isn't worth living." It is useful for cause and effect for positive purposes. It can cause one to count one's blessing and to take a good look at one's self through a real inventory. It gave me the ability to cry after the self pity had run its course. Eventually even the clingy wore off. I sure was a basket case before that happened though. Through helping others who were suffering from the same type of emotional ailment as me it let me see through their eyes how others were seeing me. One simply makes the choice to move on and one then can see the sunlight of the spirit. Recovery is a beautiful thing.

When I need my mood lifting, I think on the beautiful first flowers of Spring - the humble Snowdrop. Such fragile little flowers yet they withstand the worst storms. I always think, if they can do it, so can I. They're inspirational.

Spell check is not letting me correct that spelling. UGH. This is a serious question. Let's say you are dating this amazing person. They are smart and funny and great in bed BUT they have to tendency to go off on really depressed negative rants. I mean no matter how good the sex or dinner or whatever, they go back to some negative. Is that grounds to break up with them? I mean we all have something in our lives, some more serious than other, that we can choose to dwell on and be negative about. Some real, some imagined. I mean when I was a teenager, I was so lame I felt bad for myself because I didn't look like Christie Brinkley (showing my age). But really I feel like no matter what happens, you have to try very hard to put a positive spin on things. I find it very hard to live with people who dwell on the negative. But is it grounds to leave someone? I mean I try so hard my sister's boyfriend went to prison for murder so I asked my friend who knows a lot about law, etc. about his charges and said, "Please put a positive spin on that for me" (this is just an example). He read the charges and it clearly stated it was a crime of passion and not pre-meditated. He did not plan to and kill someone that day. Now I know that may sound horrible but my friend who did that for me really put my mind at ease that is if my sister had to be with this person at least he wasn't a cold blooded calculated killer. And I rely a lot on this particular friend because he is so good at putting a positive spin on things, he helps me a lot in life (no not someone I would date).