Is it possible he already has someone on the side, and this is a way to keep you busy and ignorant of it?

Or could he possibly be thinking (covertly) that if you find a chick he will eventually be able to participate too?

Just playing the devil's advocate here, trying to help you cover all the possibilities.

If I were married, and my husband said I could find someone to fulfill my needs, I would be a bit suspicious. I've never had a relationship where he wanted to share me.

Just a few thoughts.

actually you may be full filling your husbands needs ....just the thought of you being bi-sexual or having the potential of having sex with another woman may be more of a turn on for your Husband then it is for you...

that your husband claims that you have needs that he can't full fills seems more like an excuse to send you down that bi-sexual yellow brick road...no one will be about to full fill all your needs, which is why in any relationship one may have to give up something ..generally that entails giving up having sex with other people

..i think alot of times we get caught up in our own morality,what may seem wrong to me doesn't dictate whats wrong for everyone,personally i've seen too many times where people allow

someone else into their home and it has turned out badly,all i can say is don't be so quick to view the pros without weighing in the

cons both short and long term ..i also think that sometimes we are too quick to replace desires for needs and confuse the two..


..a short otherwise gone bad scenario could be that let's say your husband starts "liking" on your lover more than you..and she turns out

to be one deceptive bytch who decides she likes what you have..and schemes with your husband behind your back,i mean everyone being caught up in their "desires" . now the love you and him once shared has now become "he's working late at the office and your so called lover doesn't seem to be around when he's not..ok perhaps a far fetched scenario brought on by too many watched episodes of jerry springer...

gross

that's just bizarre and it doesn't matter in terms of physical sexual satisfaction - unless of course the OP is not homosexual - then it's just downright weird

I am wondering if it's some weird girl on girl thing HE has in his head - sounds like he is a right prize idiot

the part I don't like is that he might be pressuring her into something she does not want to do

if he is a decent husband and they are both heterosexual he needs to learn how to satisfy her needs. sounds like he's being lazy man on top - in it for himself

frankly based only on what she had said here - I'd quit him if I were her

yeah, the 'needs' thing bothers me to,,,,,

but to each their own

You are opening Pandora's Box.
I think the porn trail would be
easier to follow.
With less chance of hurting anyone.
Or breaking vows.

My advice to you both would be to be careful what you wish for.
Unlike simple sex, taking a girlfriend implies romantic attachment and is a much greater threat to the relationship. Why someone would ask for you to take such a step, I don't know, except that some husbands believe that lesbian relationships aren't the same danger as straight relationships. I think that's naive.

Prepare for drama, if you do this.

Regardless of whether it’s consensual infidelity, I don’t think a marriage/relationship can survive with three people in it.

Maybe your husband agreed as a way of getting out of tackling the real problems in your relationship, maybe he agreed because he loves you and is frightened of loosing you, maybe he has a bf/gf on the side himself or maybe he’s has a low sex drive....idk

Just seems that you’re not totally ok with it and you need to question why that is.

Good luck on whatever you decide.

I wouldn't want anyone else humping my woman even if it was another female...even if she had a pet dog that tries to occasionally hump her leg...even it has to go

If you find a woman who will share you with your husband (unlikely), at some point your husband will begin to resent sharing you with your girlfriend. I see big problems for your relationship if you take this path.

What needs do you have that can only be fulfilled by a sexual relationship with another woman?

I like to play my own Devil's Advocate on these types of questions, by asking myself:

1) What is the worst that could happen? (Husband has an ulterior motive, leads to bad breakup / divorce)

2) What is the best thing that could happen? (Have a long-term committed relationship with both husband and gf; deal with societal implications, wills, visiting rights, etcetera. Marriage for same sex couples is contentious, what would a three-person arrangement be like?)

3) Then, the twist: What if the husband and gf were completely cool with the arrangement, but you discovered you liked her significantly more; what happens to your husband's needs, do you stay married, etcetera.

I've said it before in the forums: I have a strong tendency to over thinking things and quite possibly miss out on opportunities because I'm too busy weighing pros and cons, so take my ideas with a grain of salt.

Personally, I don't think extramarital relationships are wrong in-and-off themselves. If that's something you both agreed on and something you would want as well, I don't think that's wrong.

I agree with the others. There is more to this story than you are telling. Do you believe yourself to be bi-sexual?

I have a hard time figureing out how this arrangement could be right.

Relationships are delicate living entities. By their very nature that people often don't know or want to challenge boundries in a relationship until they are breeched when you bring in a third party, regardless of gender and supposed needs that could not be met by the initial partner.

To do so you are really stressing the relationship. Few people do well with feeling inadequate for their partner no matter how they say they can manage..

In a three way relationship it would be rare indeed if everyone could compromise enough for all to be happy. Someone will get shortchanged if not everyone.

My test for most of my diecisions being right or wrong is would I really want this done to me. If my answer is not really then that is the answer for my actions towards others.

In a relationship where you are asking for two people to compete in and unreconcileable contest I think you are being selfish and unfair and your "rights" stop where they start taking away someone elses. In this situation you are putting yourself above both.

Maybe that is fun for a while but I think already the guilt at giveing neither a fair relationship is bringing you down and feelings of guilt which hopefully will make you make a more selfless thanselfish choice fo r the future behavior.

yes i am bi. have been for may many years now.

nope. i know this because of his habits. i also know him, and i know he would not do that to me.

its not that i dont want to, im questioning the wisdom of said action.

I think too many other people are putting their own selves into the matter a bit much. Not distancing enough.
Again, extramarital relations and things on the side are not inherently wrong (only how they are done can be wrong, such as actual cheating). If it's what you both want, go for it and **** what others think.

^This.