What does good feel like? Have you ever had someone tell you that they are going to do something to you for your own good? After they did that to you did you feel more good or better? Or did you just cop an attitude like I usually do?

As I recall there was one night in Tijuana when my friends got me a ...NOPE ...can't say that I have. Sorry.

Yea, and I thought it was stupid then and still do.

So I didn't use that manipulative bulls**** on my boys.

If we really thought about what we are saying...

I mean really thought about it, we would never speak again.

It can be hard for the young to understand some things. I can remember when told that this is going to hurt you more than it does me. All I could think is why then am I the only one crying.

You mean like being spanked with a yardstick when you were a kid? Yeah. No, I didn't feel better afterwards.

I was thinking along those lines.

The toughest LOVE I have ever had to do,,was walk away from a woman I truly loved with all my heart. knowing,,,I couldn't take her loving me,,,and someone else...
THATS, tough-Love.. Mine hurt like HELL.

Tough love never felt like any sort of love to me, despite the fact they were doing it out of some form of love perhaps.

I never heard anyone say to me "this will hurt me more than it will hurt you". Everyone who hurt me was fully aware that this is not tough love, it's tough hate.

Doctors don't hurt me; their procedures are rather unnerving or very unpleasant. But I never felt hurt by any doctor.

Educators? Parents? Drill sargeants? Torture chamber operators? nothing of the sort. They all enjoyed torturing me more than not torturing me.

My Dad always told me..."Go get the Bible and the Belt"....the black one with silver conchos.

He would find a pertinant passage in the Bible and read it to me...(to calm himself down and not hit me angry)...then he would whip me with the belt after the infamous words "This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you".

I apprecieate now, what my Dad did. I earned most of those whippings. Of course it taught me to resent the Bible and some ignorant peasants writings telling me that I was about to get my @$$ whipped.

But, my Dad was a good man trying to raise two boys in the '60's and '70's. We had no day care. It was Dad's way.....which I am proud to say I love. That tough love made me into a caring and compassionate man who is very familiar with the concept that sometime...some people just need a good @$$ whipping.

:)

Reading this made me laugh so much, just thinking back to when I was a kid. (Hope I don't offend anyone) Me though, I was a cheeky brat when I was younger. I have had many wooden spoons broken across my back and I deserved it most of the time. My dad wouldn't lift a finger or ever raise his voice to me, my mother on the other hand well she wouldn't stop till she saw tears, she was the one wearing the trousers and still does Same thing happened to her as a kid so I guess she felt it was the right thing to do. Everyone I know got the wooden spoon at some stage during their childhood.

To me Tough Love is when your parents teach you how to get through a mistake you made without letting you receive the full pain you could have received. Most people can be taught without experiencing the pain.

Tough love for me this morning was when the nurse told me to just go and clock out. I had lost my temper and she said that they couldn't have me yelling. I can't blame her. As the Hulk says, "Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I am angry."

violence begets violence

yes and I do not speak to those individuals (including my ex)

also not my parenting style

Violence is something that I don't do or let me be on the recieving end of. But I do think when you make a mistake and you dont know it, I want to be told so that way I dont make that mistake anymore and I grow from that. I am open to that. I am not perfect, not anywhere close to being perfect but I want to get to be the best person I can be. I can sometimes be blinde when it comes to my imperfections so I appreciate being told them. If that makes sense.

This is exactly why I cosciously avoided having children. I can't beat a child calmly; I am too much of a big suck and a lover to hit a child, a woman, a pig, a cockroach, a horse, an amoeba. Heck, I can't even bring myself to hit myself. And everyone knows that to be able to hit others, you must first learn how to hit yourself.

But I do get the urge to get physically violent. I never have become that, but it's not because of the lack of wanting to. I get into these fits and I channel my incredible anger into screaming angrily at the top of my lungs.

Does a child want to hear that? Do I want MY child to listen to that? Definitely not.

The worst part is that I have no control over when and where and why I get those anger fits. I learned to suppress them with my medication, but the control is not perfect.

What if I hit my child, or drop-kicked him or her hard and far off of the balcony? Never mind the arrest and the legal ramifications, I could never look in a mirror again in my life to face my own face. I mean, I could never again face my own self. I would probably go back into the house, get my coat (if it were winter) and jump off the balcony myself.

This would be no way to live. It was easier for me to not have a child and become a virtual hermit than to face that unspeakably horrible risk.

Good point. After the third time of trying to answer the same question I just gave up. I tried my best to give my report and three times I was interrupted by the same question. It was evident to me that my report was not wanted. It was quite a contradiction to deal with. Three times I tried to answer the question. I gave different truths. None of them was acceptable. It was about why this one person wasn't got up. I first told them I was the only aide on the floor and I was there was twenty different residents I had to care for. I second told them that the resident didn't have to get up. I third told them that if I got that one resident up because she is so needy that in caring for her I would have to disregard the other 19 residents. I was determined not to be manipulated but not being manipulated was impossible. That was when I lost my temper. I figure since the aides wouldn't take report I would give the resident report because even as mentally incompetent as she was she was still has the ability to listen to me when I am talking to her. She has the ability to have common courtesy which the aides didn't have. I was taught to be respectful of others. I was told that the way communication works is one person listens while the other person talks then the other person speaks while the other person listens. I was trying to get the person up and vent at the same time. I just hate stupid people don't you?

As an Educator at preschool level - includes Management and supervision- of children and adults,I have seen and reported :innapropriate behavior., and or on the belief system of adults toward children. Its incredible how some people don't know the difference from right or wrong! Even allow ing children getting a drink of water because they have said"that child needs to understand the rules!" This during. A time called nap time! Can you imagine?
The agency to report this type of situation in california is : community care licensing.
In my profession, I have reported unusual events from staff to children. Of course, I've been dismissed from those jobs; however, I just know that when I die, ill be in Peace because I have experienced G-d's goodness and that's exactly what I want for others.

Be proactive. Listening is also being proactive. You most likely make a difference.
There's so much to talk about understaffed service "providers"!l.

Its tough love to be a mandated reporter. But I most say, for example, Head Start that started in 1965 , does work -85% of the time introducing adults taking care of children about a diffferent parenting style.

While I think small amounts of corporal punishment is justified it is much less necessary than many parents think.

While I have told my sons taking away a privelege hurt me more than it did them I think the whold concept really sounds as bogus as it generally is.

I remember a few times I disallowed my kids to go to some parties and they thought I was stunting their developement but as they got older and out of high school and into community college without serious injuries, crunched cars, tickets, police records,or unwanted pregnancies, like many of their peers they are grateful. Now faceing lay offs in their 30's they are having a headstart on those same peers that are not getting the second chances with smaller employers that are not going to take the risk of hireing people with messed up "histories". But believe me when I was setting on theri behinds they tought I was the meanest Mom to walk the earth.