I filed for divorce in 3/10. I actually lied to him and said I had already filed the day before and kicked him out the day before. I was doing badly. I woke up for months from a dead sleep screaming slasher movie girl being killed screams. I ended up having a guy live with me who was not even close to my standards. I say I wanted a big bad rottweiler dog and I brought home the human version of a big bad rottweiler. I was in the hospital a good portion of that relationship and sick most of it. It was really bad. I would have thrown him out sooner if I had not been deathly ill. I have blurred most of this relationship out like it never happened. It ended the beginning of August 2011. My divorced finalized in 9/10.

My ex husband and I were always very close as friends. To this day, we talk almost daily. I see him almost every Sunday for a couple of minutes when he is out training marathon runners at nearby park to see if I need anything or often I will have something important that came in the mail.

Though you can see the sparks fly between us, we ABSOLUTELY can NEVER EVER be romantically involved again. We have a gazillion inside jokes, etc. after 20 years.

It is very hard when people, men, ask if I have done something or gone somewhere without my answering including that my ex took me.

I am used to him and his nerdy brainy friends. I am used to people who break out into MP "The Lumber Jack song" in the middle of a mini golf course complete with harmony. I get disappointed by men who tell me they are into philosophy and don't know "The Drunken Philosopher's Song". Often people will have the number 42 in their profile and I will think they are a Hitchhiker's fan but they are not, it was just random. I get all excited about the comic book shop, etc. and all the 20 somethings who want a cougar want me for that reason. I want to find an actual adult male who collects comic books and Star Wars figurines or something as I have my "collection of random stuff".

I think all this really puts up a wall against me dating. My most recent ex often said that I keep the doors to my heart closed shut and I told him, "Yes but you have both sets of keys ad the alarm code any time you want to walk in".

Men ask me if I am marriage minded. I have no idea. Right now I would settle for someone who sang silly songs, knew clever limericks, and enjoyed cartoons. I am on emotional coast not in any hurry to get anywhere.

Any opinions (I am not stirring the pot on this one either)?

Humm sounds like to me every guy gets compared to your ex if they don't tally up ya say Next~~~~~~

One needs to be able to get over the past feelings first at times or find one hell of a person to help you get over them.

Seems to me that with all the contact you have with your ex there is still more there then you want to admit...JMO...

As far as how soon that all depends on how open ones heart is to move on. Everyone is different only took me a few weeks after I showed my ex the door. By the time that happened I had dealt with the issues all I was going to and was ready to move on...

Hope you find what you seek~~~~~~~~

Twenty years guarantees a lifetime
of them residing somewhere in your heart.
If lucky, they will engender benign thoughts.

As to the question, it seems that around the
4 year mark, people finally get the urge to
mate again, memories fading, needs surfacing.
Give or take.

Yes, the feelings are completely benign. Also as someone else mentioned, I NEVER end up with the ordinary so it does take a heck of a man to stand up. I don't want my ex's carbon copy. I find most have not been with someone half their life and don't fully comprehend that we got married as darn near infants and built his empire together. Someone wanted me to marry him and my ex said not to rush into anything as he would rather pay me alimony for eternity and know I was okay rather than have me go through another painful divorce. People really do not get that he doesn't begrudge me a dime because if it weren't for the woman behind the man, he wouldn't have been free to become who he is now. I love my ex very much but not in romantic sense. We both have nasty sarcastic streaks in us and can both be very immature and selfish at times. Two people like that in a relationship doesn't work. I don't give up on looking because there are men out there but I do reject tons because they are not like my friends or even close. Right now, I am mostly focused on developing "Terri" as her own separate entity from "Michael and Terri" "Terri and Michael" which is how we are known like we are adjoined twins. Terri for the sake of Terri hasn't existed since 1990.

I'd say you are on the right course. You can not possibly have a good relationship if you dont know yourself. The love of my life is the ocean. Unless I am with ppl that understand it rots. The women come second it has worked out well. So follow your own path and someone may decide to come along.

Teadipper, I personally feel you are not ready for

another relationship yet....in fact, you are not supposed to be

ready yet... it is perfectly normal after a breakup, to

not know what you want yet .


Just meet friends and enjoy your time, and allow yourself all

the time you need to heal.........Don't rush.....

Be Blessed Now, Teadipper.

Thank you. I appreciate that. I get asked out on so many dates in real life and turn them down. I feel like it would be leading them on to let them think I was 100% open to falling in love with someone when I am still trying to figure out who I am myself. I stay on here because I might meet someone amazing with potential later down the road but not now. Because of who my ex husband is, I changed my name, doctors, etc. everything because as long as I had his last name people still associated us. I did that on January 31st of this year (back to my maiden name). When I write, I use his last name as my pen name because his father always wanted a writer in the family and never got one. I know it may sound strange but all the boyfriends I ever had except the one that lived with me had to go through my hierarchy of friends for approval before getting to know me. It is much much much more likely that when I am ready to be in a relationship again, a male friend will rise from the ranks to fill that position as an outsider would have a much more difficult time. I get asked out by a lot of programmers which I hate because my ex knows everybody. Also what terrifies me at almost 41 is how fast men want to commit and get into that part of their lives. Scares the heck out of me. I feel like their "wife slot" is open and any round peg that will fit through that slot will do in a lot of cases. This will be my absolute first Thanksgiving, birthday and Christmas alone EVER.

Frankly, you sound like a pot that has boiled over. Maybe the fire has been removed but it takes a little time for the bubbling to stop and the pot can be handled safely.

Cool off some more.

I second this. No worries, Terri.

I agree.

I am not really worried about the holidays. I know most of you will say I am a baby at 41 but turning 41 alone is daunting to me. I don't know how many of you have noticed I wear a band on my wedding finger. It's covering a tattoo of my wedding date because I really did think it was forever. I would still be married if I hadn't filed and I could have stopped the proceedings at any time but didn't. It is very hard being in this condo at times as he bought it for me in 1992 as an engagement present. He asked me what city I wanted to live in and had me pick out my dream house. I had a very fairytale existence for a long time.

First red flag I got was where you stated you lied to your ex about the divorce, kicked him out, but now you guys are like best chums. I mean....come on....it's good you can have a nice friendship and all. But what guy in his right mind will want to be compared to your ex? Answer....No man will and no woman would want to be compared to a man's ex. It's just the way it is. Also, a guy is also gonna not have to get jealous about you and your ex talking a lot. Cause when you do get serious about another dude, well that kind of thing will have to dwindle down less there be problems arise in your relationship with your new dude. I'm just saying, once you are ready to date, then you need to consider that.

Good Answer, Good Answer!

-The Family Fued

I made him leave a day before filing because he went violent and hit me.

Well, you have the gift of forgiveness then. Cause if a chick went violent and hit me...no way am I talking to that psycho biatch. Kudos to you. Still...what I said I stand by.

Goofball,

who are you kidding.

If I whipped you, you would beg me for more!

by showing up at the park regularly (if that is what u do) you seem like you are chasing your ex....any man who might be interested in you is going to be turned off by your level of involvement with your ex


most popular opinion , no - I already know that so chill folks

I knew the day I told people here I liked it rough it was gonna come back to haunt me.

No, I do not go to the park. He swings by the condo.

If you have any free time when your done here, come on over!