Ok...here goes. When I look back at my life and the relationships that I've had. The few long term men came to the conclusion that I wasn't for them. Of course they didn't come right out and say those spoken words. One said he was good for parties and fun...after three years . The other told me after 4 years that he wasn't even sure that I was his girlfriend. Needless to say... I didn't stick around to see if they would change their minds.

I'm the type of person that has to look at myself and say what's up with me?? So...I did a Native American Card reading on myself. All the cards came up mostly positive; but some areas they said I need work. The "Heart of My Matter" said I was happy, have high spirits and a good acceptance of life. I have engergy, endurance, capability in leadership and steadfastness. They told me I am a bit insensative and sometimes lacking in emotion.

When I read my "Present Path" they came up creative, truthful and a good soul of light. I seem to be passive, graceful but...here's the questioning one...."little depth of characture". I've been questioning this with myself for some years now; and am wondering...what is it that makes a guy want to stick around? Is there something that I have to offer other than myself that might hold his interest?? I ask this because I know friends that are biotchy, jealous, naggers and they keep their guys. I'm not any of those and here I am scratching my head.

It's *not* you...

It's the immaturity of the guy

Sometimes *we*... don't know what we got till it's gone



Just be *you*... the *right* guy will appear out of nowhere when you least expect it. Sometimes it takes us guys a long time to learn to appreciate what we have... sometimes that lesson is *never* learned

First let me just tell you that THIS post,,was not answered much yet,,as many are already dead for the night,,or out enjoying REAL live,,lol,,but many more will see it and reply I'm sure..

YOU have your person,,YOUR "YOU" that shall KEEP any man who truly finds YOU interesting and fun to be with...I mean MOST will always be in parts or their ALL,,,about sex,,,NOW,,the secret to if he finds you all that is by knowing or experiencing HIM,,down your roads to see if THAT happens to be ALL he See's in you..

and with many guys who only say what they feel you want to hear,,its hard to know their real heart and passions minus all their BS?

IF a chemistry forms,,YOUR KNOW right away,,,IF however he becomes distant,,then he will probably just increase THAT...

Any good relationship has to be GOOD in and OUT of the bedroom,,
and as so many rely on SEX being the main issue of their desires to FEEL CLOSE TO YOU,,,,there has to be other areas he and you merge into laughs a or stories with each other about?
Its very hard to find someone who doesn't just want to use you?
And its hard as hell not to get used,,because YOU want to give,,and believe in them.
So we all have to walk that walk,,,into each other,,and meet and date and see how the other is in person,,,and its through that we spark,,FLAME,,or burn-out...?
Your qualities as the woman you are will always separate you from others,,and it will take the right dude to feel a click with ya,,as you have to also feel that same click with him?
What I look for in a lady might not be ANYTHING some other dude is looking for in one to find?
But when THAT CLICK,,,,,within the two of you happens,,,your feel that almost from the start, as its like a drawn into thing,,you both want to be,,see,,talk,,walk,,and,,,let the other know what you feel about them....
YOUR find all that,,,when you find the one who SHOWS YOU YOUR FUTURE in his eyes...as he See's his own within yours...

Have I wrote enough yet?,,,,,lol
OH,,and all this is,,,is me turning all my thoughts and experiences AROUND HERE,,,as for all this,,,,its also true with women as well,,,,,,
You see some of us dudes,,,also,,feel your same way here..

You are asking, in essence, "where can I go and find the Holy Grail?"

Each guy is different. They are both similar and different at the same time and in the same respect.

So most, if not all, guys will want a dynamite looking woman. They all start at the top and work their way down until they find one that's willing to "bare all" for them, so to speak.

Barring modelesque looks, I think women would do well by going the opposite direction from men. Women should approach dating and relationship from the bottom up, because the guys are going top down.

So, gals should start dating the ugly, disgusting-looking, self-defacating morons and losers. Go into a relationship with them, and when the girl realizes she can get something better (but not TOO much better, all of a sudden -- just a little better with each boyfriedn-switch), she should.

Honestly, you can only be yourself.

if any man isnt happy with who you are, then basically you are with the wrong man...

It may take a few mistakes, or in some cases (like me) Lots of bad mistakes.

But there are men out there who will love you for who you are, who will be faithful and committed to working through a relationship.

I guess the best start you can ever have is just to let them see who you are from the beginning, learn about each other and if you are not happy with the man you are with, dont settle for him.. Never ever settle for anything less than someone who makes you laugh, who will give and take fairly, who respects you and is there for you as much as you are for him.If you dont enjoy every part of him and he cant cope with parts of you, find someone else..

bummer my mind drifted and now I have no idea what i was talking about,

Wonderful post...
I don't know much about anything really... certainly nothing about card readings.

But when I was a youth, I'd go hunting a lot. And I'd wake up early with intentions of going after something specific. And after a few hours of waiting around and watching other things scurry around I'd get tempted to simply "take what I could get".
Hunger would sometimes win out over patience.

I find this to be sometimes be true in my dating life too.

I try to find some way to both feed my hunger in the short-term
as well as maintaining a focus to find the thing I really want.

Wish you the best...

I think winterblue, that some people
are simply not emotionally available.
I tend to spot this early on because
I am not attracted to them.
You can be involved with them to beat
the band, but you will not get it back.
That is all they have to give.
If you select someone like that, you
can hardly prepare for the vacuum
to follow.

I think of it this way.
Two people might really like each other
but the passion level is very low.
Both those people may be content with
that.
But if each of them found a being who
was over the moon for them, and showed
it, then each would know the difference.
And what they give up with the so-so
relationship.
Deep passion lasts a long time.
I would hate to see you settle for less.

every man (or boy for that matter) has a need. depending on his maturity level the need could be as simple as sex or as complicated as a business partner. once you figure out his need (some women can do this very early in conversation, some never do) you do what you want to fill that need. even a foolish man will realize his need is being met and will stick around (those are the dysfunctional relationships where he keeps fudging up but won't leave). other men know what they have and cherish every moment

I have experienced the same thing. Like sophiehere said, some guys aren't emotionally available. It isn't something I can figure out early on-wish I could. Some guys are also not able of commitment.

I would say, look at your past and ask yourself what kind of support and experiences you had. Are you repeating something from childhood, even though you aren't aware of it.

I can't count the number of times I think I've met someone and in the end it turns out they leave. I have to ask myself if I subconsciously seek them out because my own family was never there for me. It isn't a pleasant thing, but for some it is comfortable because it's the only thing they know.

Usually the answers we seek are within. It just takes a little time to search them out. Best of luck.

Were you just settling for what you could get at the time? Maybe try being a bit more picky about who you date.

And you say you're not any of those things you listed about your friends, yet you're insulting them. It does sound like you are a bit jealous of them.

You seem to be basing your relationships on what your needs are not his needs.

If he is giving you what you need but you are not giving him what he needs, the relationship won't last.

Similarly if you are giving him what he needs but are not getting what you need in return, the relationship won't last.

Before you get into something you need to find out what both of your needs are and if the two are mutually supportable.

I've been in a lot of relationships, and -- with one exception -- I left after a few months because I was either bored out of my skull or too tired of fighting their desire to change me into Ward Cleaver.

What would make me want to stick around?

Someone who knows how to hold a conversation that can go beyond shoes and TV.

Someone who realizes there is more to life than booze 'n babies.

Someone who realizes that it's possible a guy might not be into bars and football and working on cars and fishing and....

Someone who knows a little something about the creative process -- from the inside.

Someone who understands that communication is more important than what she's wearing.

Someone who understands that there's a difference between a partner and an adjunct.

Someone who gets the idea that "Prince Charming" is a cliche and not a real person or condition.

Someone who doesn't say things just because someone told her this is what she's "supposed" to say.

Someone who doesn't need me to validate her every 15 minutes.

Someone who can accept the fact that I have a very shallow, superficial side and I'm OK with that.

Someone who understands that my life and her life are not always going to mesh perfectly.

I realize no such person exists, but one can always dream....

I have thought about that...turned it around in my head a time or two, and pretty much figured that by that time it's too late for both. I don't want to be a lesson teacher anymore . Thank you so much for your kind words.

Thanks so much Terry...your words are always interesting to read. I'm hoping that people don't get the feeling that I'm ungratful because I'm not. Every experience in Love leaves an impression to learn from. And the love that was gained always stays with me...I would just like to keep the person too! I'd like to figure out if this is my flaw and banish it.

Thanks Wux . I personally don't go looking for ugly or beautiful men. I try to feel what kind of heart they have and if there share some common interests...are God loving, kind, compassionate and humble .

Josie..you are truly a kindred spirit. Everything about you is kind and wise...and soft. I think that might be the part of me that I need to find...my softness. I haven't given up. I'm like a true "Goonie"....Goonies never die!

I don't know much about cards either Ted. I love the Native American way and how many of the tribes worshiped the earth and gave thanks "first" before most everything they did in life. That is why I bought this deck. I bought them more for a guidance for me. To try to bring out the things in my life that my selfish ego overlooks. I understand what you are saying about the hunting. And that may be how some of my relationships were...in fact, I know I stayed way too long in my last one because of my love for horses. But I do feel blessed to have the fortune to be able to realize, even in part, my dream

Sofie...another wise and soft kindred soul . You are so 'right on' with the passion. Life has to be full of passion in all aspects. I've had that also...and again, am thankful. I would love to be able to spot the emotionally unavailability. Maybe I'm just too caught up in myself <grrrr>...better go work on myself some more . Thank you so much sweetie

This hits home Ese...Thank you.

I don't think I am bringing / or playing out my past. Parts of it weren't pretty but it was all I had . Higher percentage of people come from a disfunctional family. I think that's the point ...to teach us lessons for the future. The men I have dated have all been sweet, I wouldn't have been with them otherwise. I'm with you on "our answers"...we have to seek them out. That was the reason I posed this...because sometimes maybe just one word or one sentance can open our eyes Thank you.