The other told me after 4 years that he wasn't even sure that I was his girlfriend. Needless to say... I didn't stick around to see if they would change their minds.

[Were you just settling for what you could get at the time? Maybe try being a bit more picky about who you date.

And you say you're not any of those things you listed about your friends, yet you're insulting them. It does sound like you are a bit jealous of them.

I've been in a lot of relationships, and -- with one exception -- I left after a few months because I was either bored out of my skull or too tired of fighting their desire to change me into Ward Cleaver.

What would make me want to stick around?

Someone who knows how to hold a conversation that can go beyond shoes and TV.

Someone who realizes there is more to life than booze 'n babies.

Someone who realizes that it's possible a guy might not be into bars and football and working on cars and fishing and....

Someone who knows a little something about the creative process -- from the inside.

Someone who understands that communication is more important than what she's wearing.

Someone who understands that there's a difference between a partner and an adjunct.

Someone who gets the idea that "Prince Charming" is a cliche and not a real person or condition.

Someone who doesn't say things just because someone told her this is what she's "supposed" to say.

Someone who doesn't need me to validate her every 15 minutes.

Someone who can accept the fact that I have a very shallow, superficial side and I'm OK with that.

Someone who understands that my life and her life are not always going to mesh perfectly.

I realize no such person exists, but one can always dream....

Honestly, you can only be yourself.

if any man isnt happy with who you are, then basically you are with the wrong man...

It may take a few mistakes, or in some cases (like me) Lots of bad mistakes.

But there are men out there who will love you for who you are, who will be faithful and committed to working through a relationship.

I guess the best start you can ever have is just to let them see who you are from the beginning, learn about each other and if you are not happy with the man you are with, dont settle for him.. Never ever settle for anything less than someone who makes you laugh, who will give and take fairly, who respects you and is there for you as much as you are for him.If you dont enjoy every part of him and he cant cope with parts of you, find someone else..

bummer my mind drifted and now I have no idea what i was talking about,

That seems very strange. Like you are no connecting with him. Maybe he had some strange criteria about what a 'girlfriend' was supposed to be.

I think winterblue, that some people
are simply not emotionally available.
I tend to spot this early on because
I am not attracted to them.
You can be involved with them to beat
the band, but you will not get it back.
That is all they have to give.
If you select someone like that, you
can hardly prepare for the vacuum
to follow.

I think of it this way.
Two people might really like each other
but the passion level is very low.
Both those people may be content with
that.
But if each of them found a being who
was over the moon for them, and showed
it, then each would know the difference.
And what they give up with the so-so
relationship.
Deep passion lasts a long time.
I would hate to see you settle for less.

you know they tout on matchdotcom that if you put all those qualifications in they can can find you somebody . It'll happen Lex. You are a sweet guy

Thanks Wux . I personally don't go looking for ugly or beautiful men. I try to feel what kind of heart they have and if there share some common interests...are God loving, kind, compassionate and humble .

I think MANY here have gave you some really GREAT advise and thoughts to look inside and see?
WE ALL (I THINK)feel OURSELVES as being GOOD with US,,,as in WE LIKE WHO WE ARE,,,as should YOU feel that same?
If you or ANYONE is REALLY EVER GOING TO FIND ANOTHER who CAN LOVE THEM,,(YOU),,BACK,,then you really have to be good with who YOU ARE.
And to find an inner desire to WANT TO BE or GET CLOSER to someone,,is a moderate hard thing to find,,as WE ALL have to wipe away the game players first,,,and WE can only do THAT through many conversations with them?
Time and talking or typing is our only means HERE to acheive THAT.
THEN,,,IF,,everything DRAWS YOU "BOTH" CLOSER,,,you have to meet them and experience them in person,,and THERE IS WHERE MANY GET TURNED AWAY,,,, WELL,,speaking on my behalf anyway,,as I have THOUGHT someone would be cool to get to know,,,and THEN meet them,,and find out THEY were NOT honest with the pic's they said that were recent?,,,and THATS JUST WRONG,,as the meeting them WILL ALWAYS BE THE WAY THEY ARE??? Duhhhhh,,,but STILL,,many have been years older in their looks,,than the pic's they had saying they were real NOW..(like six to eight years OFF)
And sooooooooo,,,lol,IF that first meeting is COOL,,,then you both go forward,,,and your spend much time TRYING TO KNOW THEM,,,and if their really all that they seem,,or IF,,something MORE comes out,,,as they GIVE YOU MORE,,their true self,,,and sometimes THAT PERSON THEY BECOME,,,,is someone you have MANY ISSUES WITH,,OR,,,lol THEY find or SEE something come out of YOU,,THEY CAN'T DEAL WITH,,and THEY want to move on?

So time and trails,,,,and its sad to say,,but to me,,THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO KNOW ANOTHERS REAL SELF AND THEIR REAL HEART,,i say REAL so damn much,,because THATS what I have ran so much into on this Net,,,,Ladies who ACT and some,,TRULY want to THINK THEY ARE THIS ONE WAY,,,but then,,they turn,,,and become someone that OTHER ONE OF THEM,,could never like in someone else?,,and THAT,,leaves you thinking OMG,,,,WTH?,,and you lose sleep and much time,,wondering why or how,,or,,,I just can't understand??
Then you two fall apart,,life goes on,,and we THINK,,we learned something through all that,,,and when we can fully breathe good again,,,WE TRY AGAIN,,,,THATS DATING ON THIS NET...

IF it was someone close to you that you meet,,,its MUCH more normal of a relationship,,because you know them already,,or because THEY and you can see each other much easier every week,,and you can see their eyes and expressions first hand,,,as to know THEM better and learn their ways that they handle you and others around you both?
Its VERY EASY to GIVE-UP,,on ever meeting the RIGHT one for you,,,IN THOUGHT,,,,as MANY who you may have thought was a no-way factor,,,THEY might be GREAT to have a good time with in person?
And the ones who you THINK,,,lol,might be so cool to be around,,,might make you SICK,,in person to hang with,,,lol.

At OUR AGES,,,lol,it becomes almost depressing at times,,,to see or know,,they are NOT who they want to be...or pretend to be around you,,,and NOW,,,you have invested somuch time and HEART within your relationship that IT HURTS,,,and its unforgiving in many ways..
So to lift yourself back-up,,and to believe again,,,,,,is really DEMANDING sometimes to do...

YOUR night in shinning armore,,,is but a walk around the corner at Walmart,,,or a passing at your work?,,or someone here who for THEIR REASONING,,,fin YOU,,someone special through your personality,,,NOT your body,,,,
as for YOU thinking its YOU,,,I CAN'T say ITS NOT? Because I don't really know you that well,,,but,,has my personality caused me an issue with other women,,,you bet your buns hun,,because WE ALL CAN'T BE THE OTHER ONES ""ALL THAT"",,,but we can be adult enough to know THAT,,and remain the friends that we became when we first met,,,MOST TIMES anyway,,,,
We are ALL creatures of our own HABITS,,,,by THAT I mean,,,everyday,,YOU wake and do your thing?
Whatever THAT THING IS?,,,But,,,someone sharing life with you will learn THEM,,and except them,,or talk about the why's or how-comes,,and your both be cool with all of each others HABITS that you BOTH might have?
But FACT,,,,,BOTH WILL HAVE THEIR OWN WAYS OF DOING EVERYTHING,,,because we are not children learning how to do,,,
WE are on person now,,,,and to be real,,,I brush my teeth for like three to four minutes,,,no biggie to me,,,but THAT has been an issue of question to another before?
IF one bites their nails,,smokes, drinks, brushes or combs their hair a LOT,,or about ANY issue that YOUR JUST YOU AT,,,MIGHT BECOME ANOTHERS ,,,,drive them nuts over?
You love God,,,your good with who you are,,and your very pretty,,with all THAT,,,its just time and meeting others...
OK,,,my BOOK has came to its end,,,,
None of this,,is based on ANYTHING,,,but my OWN experiences to have already lived through,,,and to know for my eyes and mind,,I'm just sharing those with you,,as a means to let you know,,,ITS not all you,,,no-matter what the past issues were,,,as it ALWAYS is through two LIVES,,,to find a flaw in their other...

Thank you!

The scary thing is, I was on that site for about 20 minutes maybe 5 years ago. But there were all these exclusionary clauses and such: "You can create a profile for free, but if you want to contact another member, you have to pay $24.99 a month. If you want to put up a picture, it's another $6.99 a month. If you want to edit your own profile, it's $3.49 per character changed. If you want to eat an Italian beef sandwich, it's $5.99 per sandwich. If you want to cancel your account, it's $36.99 a month for as many months as it takes us to get around to it."

I figured I probably couldn't afford that.

That seems very strange. Like you are no connecting with him. Maybe he had some strange criteria about what a 'girlfriend' was supposed to be.

Unfortunately they arent 'Weird Science', they just distribute existing product.

Thanks for your analysis, and it would do you great service if you read your reply.

Thank you kind sir



What you say is that you seek some qualities.

You did not say that you find those qualities in the men you date.
Yes, I have.


So there are two possibilities: You find the man you want and he dates you for what seems like forever, and then he ditches you.

In this case, what you are looking for is not what you want, or not what you need, and you'd better change your search attributes, coz what you find is what you get is what you want, but not what's good for you.

Yes...I rush in.


The other case is that you do not find the man.

But then you date a man you don't find at all suitable. Which means you are settling without negotiation with your partner.



There is a third case, in which the man partially satisfies your list of search attributes (kind heart, etc.) In this case if he is above the median of what you've stated you want, then your search stuff is wrong. If he has less than 50% of the attributes you want, then the second case applies, in which you settle when you oughtn't to.

:-)

It is, therefore, the most important quality for a human to keep his sense of dignity and sanity, is to develop an ability to rationalize his behaviour. If people were unable to explain their poor choices and their inconsequential expectations (I am not talking directly aboot you, OP, just in general), then their life becomes hell on earth. if they go to heaven, they get earth in heaven.

No...I've never been one "to just settle". Heart, Passion and God guide me.

You know...I'm going to say this. I know many people are going to read this but I have to say it nonetheless. Very rarely do I see comments coming from you that are nice or thoughtful. You seem to be very confrontational in most, if not all, of which you speak. People get on and post many things that are close to their hearts; and I've seen you change words around to suit your own meaning and also hurt their feelings. I don't mind what you say to me...I'm one that will usually avoid you or tell it like it is. I'm not a confrontationl person....until some other person feels hurt or I see some kind of injustice.

I didn't reply to this to have words back and forth with you. These are only MY opinions and do not reflect what anyone else may think...only what I have observed. Now...to your last comment...

Those words that I have described my friends as having are not BAD words. I was not insulting them...it's a 'fact'. That is how they are in their relationships and they know it. I am totally open and honest to them; and I love them regardless of how I live my life.
I stated that because maybe some men like that and was hoping for opinions.

And to your last comment..."it does sound like you are a bit jealous"...It's not jealousy. That is not how I try to live my life. I am happy and content with WHAT and WHO I have in my life; and I'm happy that they have their loved one in their lives.

I know absolutely nothing about you other than what you've posted in the forums that I've seen. I've rarely ever interacted with you. But anything you've said to me has been snippy.

If my comments have come across to you as snippy, I am sorry for that. I don't mean to be. They probably come across that way because I am trying to protect someones 'words'.


I'm guessing you just wanted posts from people who would pat you on the head and agree with you. I'll keep that in mind. I just made an observation based on what you said. Obviously, since I don't know you, it could be wrong.

In college I took a Business Management class. In that class we were taught how to interact with our peers and people that may be working 'under' us. They taught us the difference between critisizm and constructive critisizm. Most people want to hear where they are 'erring' so they can learn. The difference: "If I told you...you look like schitt with that dress on"...you would immediately take offense and close your mind. "If I told you, Sally, that dress that you are wearing does not bring out the pretty color in your eyes"...you would think to yourself...well maybe I can find something different. All I'm saying is...you have every right to make observations AND make any comment that you think. But just try and remember that these are real people, with real feelings. We are all just trying to find our way; and maybe we still don't have a firm position on a certain subject and talking it out will lead us in the right direction.


You say you're not confrontational, yet you have been with me more than once. You even suggested in one thread that I be banned from posting, all because you disagreed with what I've said. So, please don't tell me you're not confrontational.

Yes, I did that <even tho I can't remember the thread now> . And I only said that because there was a suggestion to try and get that person kicked off...or something to that effect. Again...I was in the 'protection' mode.