*my last post got deleted, so let's try again:

Anyone out there in the same situation? In need of advice from people who has been through this. I kind of tired of hearing, "let her go" "nothing good can come out of this" from people who has never been through this.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 1 1/2 yrs. and it's been the best time for the both of us, but she always think about girls and we are to the point where we don't know what to do next. we talked about polyamous and we are trying it out. but it's hard.... what do u have for me?

Hmm it is not an easy thing. Does she find other men attractive as well?

Does she find you attractive?

If yes, then sure it can work. I have been in this situation, however every person is different. It may be that she is just starting to feel the daily doldrums of a long term relationship, and the grass is starting to seem greener elsewhere, this of course she may not realize, or just may not want to articulate.

This was the case in my situation, and years later we became really good friends again and she expressed this to me where before she felt bad and so emotions where running high and she could not bring herself to tell me, and I am not sure I would have been as objective as I am now. She was always very much bisexual, but she just had a need to get out there and have fun with her sexuality. Honestly nothing wrong with that IMHO, it does sting a bit when your the one in the situation however.

What motivates us can be strange at times and often we ourselves are the worst people to determine the nature of these motivations.

The bottom line is that is sounds like you are happy, and she is not, and that is appears to be centered around sexuality.

Never fun, but honestly it comes down to what is motivating her, not something anyone on an internet forum could possibly help you with, other than some generic advice.

So for my generic advice, hang in there, be supportive, and ultimately understand that she herself may not understand her own motivations. We all suffer from these things all the time. This one just happens to be about her sexuality.

this is a very tough situation,i honestly wouldnt say let her go,because obviously she has love for you or else she wouldnt be with you,i think you should let her have experiences with girls,but i dont think you should find someone else also,just stick with her,or maybe add a girl to the bedroom.

Semantics.
What you really have is a friendly girl.

we have talked about bring a girl into the bedroom but then she tells me she cant physically see me touching another girl. and no she doesnt find anyone else attractive and yes i think she finds me attractive hahah... i understand her alot from all the things she told me that happened to her (can't talk about it) but it's very understandable y she's the way she is. we have tried breaking up but we broke down and cried for two days without being able to function. and we didnt even break up yet, we just talked about it.... so thats when we decide that it's best if she goes and have what she needs.... but at the same time she wants to be with me... she told me she really wish she is straight!

if a girl was really truely a lesbian.... would she be able to cum from straight sex?

She's apparently bi-sexual, not lesbian. From what you said about the her not being able to cope with seeing you touch another girl, along with the crying for two days and whatnot, I think your dilemma is a bit of a no brainer.

She can't possibly physically bare to see you with another woman, so you're doing it why?

If your answer is "I'm doing it for her" you're nothing more than a door mat. Which is why I usually make people take their shoes off before they come inside.

Sounds like she threw the ball in your court..letting you decide.
Maybe if there are some deep rooted issues (the things you can't talk about) she should seek some help outside of just experimenting sexually, doesn't sound like anyone is really happy with that part....
you wouldn't be asking strangers for help if it was that great.

As to your last question...i have no idea.

Hmm. Ultimately we all struggle with attraction to other people. That in and of itself is not the defining point is our commitments to monogamy.

Impulse control and knowing what we ultimately want is what keeps us committed.

If she does not have this, then its only a matter of time before she fails in her ability to remain true to you. Clearly if it has escalated to the point you describe, then I fear you are fighting a loosing battle. It sounds like guilt has kept her true, if indeed she still is . . . .

I agree. If both of you have "cried for days" then the emotion involved explains the seriousness of this issue for her, attraction does not explain that level of emotion alone (unless there is a physiological defect at play, always possible if unlikely). ie it is not about sexual preference in and of itself most likely. Being gay is not necessarily a physiological defect, however having an extreme uncontrollable switch of sexual preference can be an indicator of such.

I would urge you both to seek counseling and if serious enough she may want to see a doctor. More than one person has had drastic behavioral changes occur due to say . . . a tumor, or brain trauma, PTSD ect ect.

maybe i should explained this first....

she had dated guys all her life, then something happened, then she found a girl and dumped her bf of 5 years (going sour in the end) for that girl. then after that girl cheated on her, she found me. so she only have been with one girl... but then she TELLS everyone she's a lesbian, even me when we first met.

like i said in the other post, i would just be her friend... she has feelings for you, don't lose that...if you really love or like her, her happiness would matter the most...

My gf and I both think that's last resort.

Sounds pretty shady.

Not to mention VERY dramatic.

Dunno, dude. I'd go with mightymoe's advice, although I think it's important to also take YOUR happiness into deep consideration.

Let her go, this really will not end well for either of you. The situation is no different than being with a girl who is attracted to another guy, don't overcomplicate it.

i have met a couple that have been through the same but it's been going on for 7 years for them and they are happy... wondering if we could last 7 months... wont know til we try.

we havent end it yet because we both know it wont end as bad as people think. again, i understand her very well, so if this goes sour, im already prepared for it long before this got this serious.

Sounds like she stays with you to protect her from being with other guys and gals. It is like she trusts you. I hope she doesn't want you to have a sex change. You may be stuck with her like I am with my boarder. Yeah. We don't have to be a doormat for anybody. She is letting you know that she is still your girlfriend or friend is what I am gathering. If she likes girls and doesn't want you to touch girls but it is okay for her to touch girls. Hmm, that is quite a quandary.

Just my take on this.. but I see no differnce that if this was a man saying I can't leave my wife..for what ever reason.. but I want a mistress too.. and the fact that she can have intrest outside the bedroom but you can't is like having her cake and the iceing too

wait wait wait,
she says she's ok at the fact that i should find some other girl to mess around with, just not a threesome. she says if we do go with a threesome, i do her and i cant touch the other girl, but if i go on a date with someone, she'll be ok with it. (she doesnt know that for sure, she thinks it can go both ways.

i didn't mean "just be friends", i meant be her friend either way it turns out... of course your happiness counts to, but that is where a lot of guys make mistakes on that... i just meant that you should support her, be there for her, and help her if she needs it...