Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: What's Worng In F.W.B
carold Joined Sun 03/23/08 Posts: 26747	Fri 03/25/11 06:02 AM
Whats wrong in Looking for Friends With Benefits... Why Do Most WOmen get turned off.... :-? It's like a hooker that don't get paid JMO

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Fri 03/25/11 06:18 AM
Whats wrong in Looking for Friends With Benefits... Why Do Most WOmen get turned off.... :-? It's like a hooker that don't get paid JMO What is a hooker that doesn't get paid? Someone who is having sex outside of a relationship?

carold Joined Sun 03/23/08 Posts: 26747	Fri 03/25/11 06:35 AM
Whats wrong in Looking for Friends With Benefits... Why Do Most WOmen get turned off.... :-? It's like a hooker that don't get paid JMO What is a hooker that doesn't get paid? Someone who is having sex outside of a relationship? nope the op ask why most women get turned off JMO

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Fri 03/25/11 06:39 AM
Right, I get that. I was just asking you why you said what you did.

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Fri 03/25/11 07:38 AM
fwb is perfect while ur still looking for the one..u must break off the benifit part if u meet the ONE.some people may only have time,effort,desire to be in a relationship.takes work to keep relationships healty and strong.takes a phone call to friend to be a friend and benifit whenever possible,hard to **** up friendship,easy to ruin relationships.who doesnt have complaints about their relationship their in?Who has complaint about their fwb?besides wanting to be more than friends.To each his own.Different strokes for different folks. it is still not a good idea for a woman to concede or accept a FWB situation because he usually ends up with someone else - you r exactly right FWB sends the message to her that she is not the ONE and won't be as I seldom see FWB graduate into a relationship problem is a lot of women hope or think they will and sometimes it's because a man has misrepresented things - and sometimes it's because she's hearing what she wants to hear but I maintain my buyer beware and we shouldn't agree to FWB unless we don't mind being used - I agree w/ NavyGirl on this one I think better said that if the women in this FWB really wants to be "the one" for the man in the FWB...then she shoulc not accept! I have never been hurt by my FWBs and was happy when they did find suitable mates. FWB is not designed to result in a LTR...it's simply 2 lonely friends helping each other out (generally sexual, but I have known a few that just wanted some cuddling). It is a given that neither one is "the one" for the other or we'd have started a relationship instead of the FWB! yes if those are acceptable terms, that is between the people involved but where I think the problems come in is when a guy obtains sex by deception firefly my experience with this hasn't been positive and I do feel I deserve better - to me the convenience thing is just a cop out as a justification - a real man doesn't mind putting the necessary effort into courtship - as u can see I just really don't like it on many levels I also don't really trust men who advocate FWB. I think they're users who want something for nothing- but that's me- I agree tho we are all entitled to our opinions and what works best for us If both people go into the FWB situation being honest about what it's about, there is no deception. I see no problem with it if both people are not looking for something long term with each other and just want to have some fun. I know that I am usually in the minority in these FWB discussions, and it's not like I'm miss morality or anything - tell that to my most recent boyfriends and they'd prolly die laughing. My opinion is based on experience. OK OK - here's why (in addition to the self respect issues already mentioned) I think the lack of detachment needed to be honestly successful - no emotional hangover- from an FWB is a level of detachment that is questionable from a mental health POV - females in particular have neuro-chemical reactions to intimacy that promote bonding. It is possible that the FWB is actually detrimental to a woman's mental health. If you have an FWB and he moves on to someone else you should normally feel hurt by that - HELLOOOOOOOOOO but I also question the "friends" variable in the FWB equation..as a "friend" would not ask you to take on a role that could be detrimental to your well being -

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Fri 03/25/11 07:41 AM
Whats wrong in Looking for Friends With Benefits... Why Do Most WOmen get turned off.... :-? It's like a hooker that don't get paid JMO after the fact, a lot of the guys do have that attitude - eavesdrop sometime - it's educational -I've heard it all with my own 2 ears I think you raise a valid point. Obviously an FWB is not a hooker - but the double standard about casual sex is still very real in our society

carold Joined Sun 03/23/08 Posts: 26747	Fri 03/25/11 07:44 AM
fwb is perfect while ur still looking for the one..u must break off the benifit part if u meet the ONE.some people may only have time,effort,desire to be in a relationship.takes work to keep relationships healty and strong.takes a phone call to friend to be a friend and benifit whenever possible,hard to **** up friendship,easy to ruin relationships.who doesnt have complaints about their relationship their in?Who has complaint about their fwb?besides wanting to be more than friends.To each his own.Different strokes for different folks. it is still not a good idea for a woman to concede or accept a FWB situation because he usually ends up with someone else - you r exactly right FWB sends the message to her that she is not the ONE and won't be as I seldom see FWB graduate into a relationship problem is a lot of women hope or think they will and sometimes it's because a man has misrepresented things - and sometimes it's because she's hearing what she wants to hear but I maintain my buyer beware and we shouldn't agree to FWB unless we don't mind being used - I agree w/ NavyGirl on this one I think better said that if the women in this FWB really wants to be "the one" for the man in the FWB...then she shoulc not accept! I have never been hurt by my FWBs and was happy when they did find suitable mates. FWB is not designed to result in a LTR...it's simply 2 lonely friends helping each other out (generally sexual, but I have known a few that just wanted some cuddling). It is a given that neither one is "the one" for the other or we'd have started a relationship instead of the FWB! yes if those are acceptable terms, that is between the people involved but where I think the problems come in is when a guy obtains sex by deception firefly my experience with this hasn't been positive and I do feel I deserve better - to me the convenience thing is just a cop out as a justification - a real man doesn't mind putting the necessary effort into courtship - as u can see I just really don't like it on many levels I also don't really trust men who advocate FWB. I think they're users who want something for nothing- but that's me- I agree tho we are all entitled to our opinions and what works best for us If both people go into the FWB situation being honest about what it's about, there is no deception. I see no problem with it if both people are not looking for something long term with each other and just want to have some fun. I know that I am usually in the minority in these FWB discussions, and it's not like I'm miss morality or anything - tell that to my most recent boyfriends and they'd prolly die laughing. My opinion is based on experience. OK OK - here's why (in addition to the self respect issues already mentioned) I think the lack of detachment needed to be honestly successful - no emotional hangover- from an FWB is a level of detachment that is questionable from a mental health POV - females in particular have neuro-chemical reactions to intimacy that promote bonding. It is possible that the FWB is actually detrimental to a woman's mental health. If you have an FWB and he moves on to someone else you should normally feel hurt by that - HELLOOOOOOOOOO but I also question the "friends" variable in the FWB equation..as a "friend" would not ask you to take on a role that could be detrimental to your well being - I agree

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Fri 03/25/11 09:26 AM
Life doesn't work the same way for everyone. Some don't have sex outside of a relationship. Some can enjoy sex without being in a relationship. What works for one may not work for another. It's not my place to judge their reasons for having/not having sex.

taoisme Joined Tue 03/01/11 Posts: 325	Fri 03/25/11 09:38 AM
I've been in a FWB relationship. It was alright, we'd just hook up until one of us met someone else we wanted to date. It wasn't a relationship with any real potential - but boy was it good! What about FWBWB (friends with benefits with blankets)? People who hook up because they like your blankets or to share body heat in the winter.

wux Joined Wed 07/29/09 Posts: 7426	Fri 03/25/11 09:41 AM
Whats wrong in Looking for Friends With Benefits... Why Do Most WOmen get turned off.... :-? My impression is that if that's your original approach, they will see through you and decide you want "a woman with benefits". You know why? Because friendship is earned, or is obvious. You can force sex, but you can't force friendship. You can buy sex, but you can't buy friends. So I figure the women you are approaching to become your FWBs, are thinking "What does this guy want? A free hooker, I think." Does this answer your question?

wux Joined Wed 07/29/09 Posts: 7426	Fri 03/25/11 09:44 AM
Whats wrong in Looking for Friends With Benefits... Why Do Most WOmen get turned off.... :-? It's like a hooker that don't get paid JMO Sorry, Carol, I just went ahead and answered the OP's original question. You are much better with the language, the same thing to say took you one sentence, on abbreviation and two emoticons that I needed several paragraphs to describe.

kissablekiss Joined Mon 03/08/10 Posts: 8528	Fri 03/25/11 09:51 AM
maybe its the fact that women tends to want more , like what carol says its like a hooker not getting paid ....

carold Joined Sun 03/23/08 Posts: 26747	Fri 03/25/11 04:49 PM Edited by carold on Fri 03/25/11 04:53 PM
Whats wrong in Looking for Friends With Benefits... Why Do Most WOmen get turned off.... :-? It's like a hooker that don't get paid JMO Sorry, Carol, I just went ahead and answered the OP's original question. You are much better with the language, the same thing to say took you one sentence, on abbreviation and two emoticons that I needed several paragraphs to describe. Yes it was right off the top of my head and that was my first response.

taoisme Joined Tue 03/01/11 Posts: 325	Fri 03/25/11 04:56 PM
I have never been a hooker, paid or not. It's just casual sex. I'd rather have a FWB than have a random hookup with a stranger. The thing is that we both knew there was no relationship and that was ok. What is the debate ladies? It's the difference between meeting your needs with someone you trust vs a one night stand. I think you're all thinking too hard.

fireflysgirl Joined Mon 10/18/10 Posts: 2957	Fri 03/25/11 05:12 PM
I know that I am usually in the minority in these FWB discussions, and it's not like I'm miss morality or anything - tell that to my most recent boyfriends and they'd prolly die laughing. My opinion is based on experience. OK OK - here's why (in addition to the self respect issues already mentioned) I think the lack of detachment needed to be honestly successful - no emotional hangover- from an FWB is a level of detachment that is questionable from a mental health POV - females in particular have neuro-chemical reactions to intimacy that promote bonding. It is possible that the FWB is actually detrimental to a woman's mental health. If you have an FWB and he moves on to someone else you should normally feel hurt by that - HELLOOOOOOOOOO but I also question the "friends" variable in the FWB equation..as a "friend" would not ask you to take on a role that could be detrimental to your well being - Not all women have the this same neuro-chemical reaction that results in bonding. Some like the freedom of not being emotional involved in a relationship for whatever reason (not ready, isn't comfortable, wanting to pursue career, etc). Also, in my experience, the husband I was married to for 10 yrs damaged me psychologically 1,000,000 X more than all the FWBs I have ever thought of having put together & is much of the reason why I do not want an LTR @ this point in my life. The most recent ex, my only other LTR, didn't do too much better with all the guilt tripping my emotions about his insecurities. I think I'll stay in the FWB club, at least I know I can trust my friends NOT to put me in the situations they did!

wux Joined Wed 07/29/09 Posts: 7426	Fri 03/25/11 05:26 PM
I know that I am usually in the minority in these FWB discussions, and it's not like I'm miss morality or anything - tell that to my most recent boyfriends and they'd prolly die laughing. My opinion is based on experience. OK OK - here's why (in addition to the self respect issues already mentioned) I think the lack of detachment needed to be honestly successful - no emotional hangover- from an FWB is a level of detachment that is questionable from a mental health POV - females in particular have neuro-chemical reactions to intimacy that promote bonding. It is possible that the FWB is actually detrimental to a woman's mental health. If you have an FWB and he moves on to someone else you should normally feel hurt by that - HELLOOOOOOOOOO but I also question the "friends" variable in the FWB equation..as a "friend" would not ask you to take on a role that could be detrimental to your well being - Not all women have the this same neuro-chemical reaction that results in bonding. Some like the freedom of not being emotional involved in a relationship for whatever reason (not ready, isn't comfortable, wanting to pursue career, etc). Also, in my experience, the husband I was married to for 10 yrs damaged me psychologically 1,000,000 X more than all the FWBs I have ever thought of having put together & is much of the reason why I do not want an LTR @ this point in my life. The most recent ex, my only other LTR, didn't do too much better with all the guilt tripping my emotions about his insecurities. I think I'll stay in the FWB club, at least I know I can trust my friends NOT to put me in the situations they did! You sound spot on in some of your points.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Fri 03/25/11 05:29 PM
I have never been a hooker, paid or not. It's just casual sex. I'd rather have a FWB than have a random hookup with a stranger. The thing is that we both knew there was no relationship and that was ok. What is the debate ladies? It's the difference between meeting your needs with someone you trust vs a one night stand. I think you're all thinking too hard. I find it interesting that even some of the women and not just the men look down on women who have sex outside of relationships.

taoisme Joined Tue 03/01/11 Posts: 325	Fri 03/25/11 06:49 PM Edited by taoisme on Fri 03/25/11 06:51 PM
Even then, FWB is sort of a relationship. It's not a sex-on-call type of situation. You just hang out with your friend and then go home and get sweaty. There's just no promise of commitment and I don't write their name with hearts around it. I also think it's odd that so many ladies here have their frowny faces on. Did we learn nothing from the sexual revolution?

Kissesz Joined Fri 03/25/11 Posts: 106	Fri 03/25/11 09:07 PM
Whats wrong in Looking for Friends With Benefits... Why Do Most WOmen get turned off.... :-? There's some that have no problem with it since they might live busy lives and not have time for anything more. Others know they'll get attached after sex and develop feelings, which will probably end up in them getting hurt. Each to their own.

mattherin Joined Fri 03/25/11 Posts: 89	Fri 03/25/11 09:17 PM
I come from the old school thinking in that Sex should be a sincere expression between two people who truly enjoy each other. Friends with Beni's, while good for some people, will never land you with your one true equal life mate.