I've read that these are considered character disorders. That in simple layman's terms, the narcissist views the world (things and circumstances outside his/her self) as the root cause of their problems, while the neurotic considers problems, no matter how outside their control, as caused by them personally...

And that most of us fall somewhere between these two extremes...

My question is are folks datable if they display attitudes and behavior that point to them being close to either side of the spectrum ?

I realize that there are some learned members that may have insights pertaining to my query so while completely open to any thoughts or opinions, I'd most like to hear what someone who's studied these conditions might have to offer on the matter...

I've no formal training in these areas but have had many dealings with many people types... with that said, I think it would depend on how destructive, both physically and emotionally, to others the person is.
It's a shame, to me, to watch others getting involved with people who have any type of emotional/psychological disorder without researching what they're getting into... and that's given that the person with the disorder realizes the disorder and is upfront about it.
If they are aware and make the other person aware... good relationships can be built. But I also think that those are the rarer scenario...

Yeah... The reason I'm wondering is that I've been seeing this attractive but slightly mixed up lady who's my age, has children at home still, lives off her deceased husband's pension, and seems to blame every man that she's ever been involved with for turning her into the "*****" that she is...

We're only casually dating and for the most part it's fun but anytime she brings up the subject of men I feel the need to defend myself for being one...

I'm not sure of how to discuss my concerns with her without seeming critical or even if I should agree to another date or not...

I do know that she was abused by her mother but I'm unsure of how to do more than listen quietly when she brings it up.

Anyways, it's always something, I guess...

Ahh... that sounds difficult. Sorry for ya'.

All these lovely qualities/aspects that attracted you towards her, thwarted a a coupla less attractive qualities, eh?

Well, not knowing her past makes it impossible for me to comment on her... I mean mebbe there are some legitimate reasons for her to be angry yadayadayada. She hasn't worked through her greif-cycle yet...

So I guess the question is what are you gonna do about it? Can you walk beside her while she works thru it... is she even trying to?

Sometimes I use the line "You seem angry... I'd love to help, but don't know how."

Is there a need for you to move on... there's no shame in that either. jmho.

Regardless, GL. Hope others respond to the thread...

I am narccissistic and so am I.

...love myself, better than you....

wow..sounds like split personality to me....

But but but isnt Narcissism a neurosis?? ( among other rotten things)

Allen, I wouldnt stick around to defend my gender...I would run away like my azz is on fire! Believe me, if your seeing these signs already...its bound to get worse once shes...more comfortable with you!

seems that our modern world loves to pathologize every bit of human behavior..i remember when people used to be "excentric" or "colorful" now a days they are just sick...

Im just an excentric person who prefers to hang with colorful personalities....

My thanks to all for the input so far. especially to Teditus and venusenvy

I guess I'm just trying to make a good choice about whether or not it's worthwhile to continue to see this person. I realize that it's hard to give good advice with limited information. I also admit that my take on this person is iffy, at best.

She doesn't seem to be asking me for much beyond just listening to her vent and understanding but sheesh... She's almost got me to the point of agreeing with her that men are indeed "pigs".

It's all so conflicting because she smiles at me so sweetly whenever I smile at her and seems excited to see me...
At the same time it's a heavy burden to bear attempting to be THE one man who isn't like "all the rest"...

I think I can handle a little anxiety, but I'm not so sure of someone that's unwilling to be introspective about their past...

It's a hard call... For sure...

OP, I would have to agree with Venusenvy...RUN!!! Fast and far!!!

Things are all good right now but understand that no matter what you do or say, you cannot make up for all the wrongs done her by your fellow man and once she realizes this, you will be no better than the rest of "your kind"! It appears that these are things that she is not going to just "get over" or she probably would have already? Do you really want to live your life walking on eggshells around her, all the while she is just waiting on you to **** up and become just like every other man? No one can live with that kind of stress for long!!!

Cut your losses now and move on hun....

Yup. Venusenvy has something there, Allen. Hope you don't become somebody you don't recognize after a while.

I live completely outside the box. I am both quirky and eccentric and celebrate "different" peeps. But mental unbalance is a serious thing. I wouldnt take on more than I am qualified to handle. We become what we take on in life. this chick sounds like shes packing enough baggage to be a serious detriment to Al's life...

IMHO: you stated that the dates were still just casual...and isnt casual dating supposed to be fun? i mean i know we're adults with a thousand different varied responsibilities any given day and then there are the lovely wrenches life throws our way...but if shes already bitching and complaining about men to you its possible shes coming from a few different areas here: shes maybe thinking shes "subtly" warning you from committing such behaviors (e.g. shes insecure about something and doesnt want you to hurt her feelings over it)...she may be looking more for sympathy than for a serious relationship...or maybe shes just not really all that fun to be around once the "fun" part of the evening is over. maybe shes stressed out and having difficulty handling life and needs to vent....at the end of the day though this is not your problem. we have girlfriends and sisters and mothers and coworkers and online forums for that kind of venting. most women who are ready for a serious down to earth relationship arent going to throw all their problems with their exes on the table for a bitchfest and arent going to look for you to hold out a box of tissues...they will however answer your questions(hopefully honestly) about their point of view on past relationships and why they ended. if this woman does really like you and does really want to be with you and you do want to continue to try dating her then she deserves the chance to know how the tirades are making you feel and how it takes away from time better spent together so you guys can find out if your compatible or not for a longer haul. btw youre doing the right thing in listening quietly to her...maybe shell get over it...and you arent enabling her to full on vent. but if its already "always something" i can tell you right now...that's never going to end. i have quite a few past gf's that have shown similar tendencies and mostly my gfs and the guys they're dating torture themselves just about as much as they have fun...which does not really ever progress anything past a casual dating scenario.



as far the abusive parent...yes that can change permanently how a person receives and gives emotions and how they handle stress. BUT in a healthier person they wont make you pay for every "crime committed against them" they would rather be happy to have found someone not willing to take advantage of their vulnerabilities and be able to share when theyre having a rough day...which hopefully doesnt crop up too often.


i guess you need to decide if youre willing to hang in there or not. maybe if she had a job or some hobbies or saw a therapist it would help alleviate some of her symptoms. i.e. a positive productive outlet.

either way i think you should address the issue as kindly as possible with her. she needs to know how youre feeling as a result of those conversations and you shouldnt have to hide your actual thoughts on the matter.

at the end of the day the question is what are you looking for in a date? and is she meeting that?

either way it sounds like shes been through her fair share and that can sometimes take some time to heal from. she may miss the intimacy of a relationship no matter how casual or serious but maybe what she really needs is a good friend first and fun date after.

I think i lean towards being neurotic but maybe not way far over.

I know it's wrong, so what should I do?

i live by one simple rule when it comes to dating..if the other person always has a reason why its "the other guys fault" for their short commings, Im headed out the door and walking away as fast as possible...I lived with someone who had a severe personality disorder..it never gets better, all it does is wears you down until you just dont give a turd anymore....

I hear that sista soooo true ...sigh its like throwing everything youve got into a never ending hole.