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| Topic: Just Friends?? | |
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After "seeing" each other for 10 months, if he was romantically inclined Im sure he would have let you know by now. You clearly never met a guy like me (or ever noticed he was interested). Awwww  Sure I understand shyness, But if a guy has been hanging about for 10 months I just think You would know if he has romantic feelings for you. But a lady was never won by faint of heart...so in this case I would simply ask. 
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My husband and I were just friends and "buddies" for two years before love entered the picture...We were super close and spent most of our time together...Later he told me that he did have romantic feelings towards me at times but he didn't want to be pushy and he knew I would probably run the other way if he pushed for more because I had been "badly burned" in a previous relationship and needed time to heal....He said that he was content to be my friend and accepted that we might just stay friends forever and this was ok with him....We had fun together and this was all that mattered to him...In the end I realized that that he was a "good guy" and someone I could trust....I'm the one who said "I love you" first and brought romance into the picture...We "dated" for a little while and decided to get married eventually...We had 24 happy years together until my husband passed away from pancreatic cancer this year....There is no telling what might develop out of a long term friendship.
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My husband and I were just friends and "buddies" for two years before love entered the picture...We were super close and spent most of our time together...Later he told me that he did have romantic feelings towards me at times but he didn't want to be pushy and he knew I would probably run the other way if he pushed for more because I had been "badly burned" in a previous relationship and needed time to heal....He said that he was content to be my friend and accepted that we might just stay friends forever and this was ok with him....We had fun together and this was all that mattered to him...In the end I realized that that he was a "good guy" and someone I could trust....I'm the one who said "I love you" first and brought romance into the picture...We "dated" for a little while and decided to get married eventually...We had 24 happy years together until my husband passed away from pancreatic cancer this year....There is no telling what might develop out of a long term friendship. Thank you for your answer, he has been badly burned by an ex wife. |
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ValerieK...Thanks for responding. When people are "badly burned" I think they need time to heal and time to be able to trust again...Men who were pushy with me back then scared me off...I was looking for someone who was just content to spend time with me as a friend...and men who could understand my feelings and need to take time out of the dating scene for awhile...
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I would have thought that if a guy didn't make a move in 10 months, he wasn't interested. But, after talking to a lot of guys here as friends over the years, I now know that sometimes they really are too scared or shy to say anything to a girl they like. They will tell ME how they feel about her...but not the girl. So, it's very possible he is just shy.
I agree with the other suggestion. Stick your tongue down his throat and see what happens.
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Edited by
darthwiz
on
Sun 08/29/10 01:52 PM
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Awwww Sure I understand shyness, But if a guy has been hanging about for 10 months I just think You would know if he has romantic feelings for you. But a lady was never won by faint of heart...so in this case I would simply ask. And what if the lady is faint of heart and is scared to ask? Anyway, I'm not as shy as I might look like: I'm just (overly) sensitive and caring. I tried the "stick your tongue" technique twice in my life, and it worked both times... but it felt *so* bad for me. Even when I'm irresistibly attracted to a woman, for me it just sucks to push on her: I want her to always have a choice, and I want to feel I'm being chosen. I don't want to ever force things. The two times I broke the rule, I had to *think* about it, *decide* to do it, and then act. It wasn't spontaneous, so I hope they enjoyed, because I sure didn't. For me, attraction is about not having a choice, but in a different way: by looking in each other's eyes and realizing there's nothing more to say, and that it's time to let the kissing do the talking. Few women understand my way, though, and that's why I know the dreaded "friend zone" better than any other. |
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Personally I wouldn't rock the boat, shy and burned, he is definitely taking his time. I mean if you want a relationship with him. If you are impatient and need to move on, I would move on. But if you see potential in the relationship, I would just go with the flow and let things happen naturally.
He has a child and that makes men act differently about the women in their lives. If he is sharing his child with you that can be a good sign. |
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Personally I wouldn't rock the boat, shy and burned, he is definitely taking his time. I mean if you want a relationship with him. If you are impatient and need to move on, I would move on. But if you see potential in the relationship, I would just go with the flow and let things happen naturally. He has a child and that makes men act differently about the women in their lives. If he is sharing his child with you that can be a good sign. |
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It would be hard for me to wait around for someone when things aren't really discussed or "spelled out." My husband did it because he knew that I wasn't ready for a romantic relationship when we first met and he was ok with it but I know it would be hard for me if the situation were reversed....Just being honest.
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It would be hard for me to wait around for someone when things aren't really discussed or "spelled out." My husband did it because he knew that I wasn't ready for a romantic relationship when we first met and he was ok with it but I know it would be hard for me if the situation were reversed....Just being honest. |
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ValerieK...Thanks for writing. It's hard to be in "limbo." I think my husband was probably content to be my friend for two years because he wasn't quite ready for "more" either...He was just coming out of a long term marriage and probably needed some time to "find himself" first just like I needed time to "find myself" and heal from my past relationship....But in the end we both learned to trust again and gained the confidence to start over with each other.
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I suggest first you express your feeling to him and see his response.
If its yes then be happy or move on for happiness. |
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Thanks, I guess i should have went into more detail, we were friends years ago. We both were envolved with someone at that time, years went by and finally we reconneted and have been talking and seeing each other for about 10 months, but there has been no romance, maybe just a hug now and then. But he is always inviting me to go places with him and his children, is he just being nice or does he just want a friend??? I'm going to guess by the information that you've provided: He's only interested in a platonic friendship. You've been seeing each other for 10 months (after reconnecting) and no kissing/or more?! He can't be that shy........can he 
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Thanks, I guess i should have went into more detail, we were friends years ago. We both were envolved with someone at that time, years went by and finally we reconneted and have been talking and seeing each other for about 10 months, but there has been no romance, maybe just a hug now and then. But he is always inviting me to go places with him and his children, is he just being nice or does he just want a friend??? I'm going to guess by the information that you've provided: He's only interested in a platonic friendship. You've been seeing each other for 10 months (after reconnecting) and no kissing/or more?! He can't be that shy........can he |
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Thanks, I guess i should have went into more detail, we were friends years ago. We both were envolved with someone at that time, years went by and finally we reconneted and have been talking and seeing each other for about 10 months, but there has been no romance, maybe just a hug now and then. But he is always inviting me to go places with him and his children, is he just being nice or does he just want a friend??? I'm going to guess by the information that you've provided: He's only interested in a platonic friendship. You've been seeing each other for 10 months (after reconnecting) and no kissing/or more?! He can't be that shy........can he Not all women are fragile. I have known some that didn't fall to pieces after being kissed. And if you stop before you crush their bones they even like hugging. |
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Friends:
I believe if you want to be a friend you have to be a friend to that person or if is your family or girlfriend or boyfriend or mate. and always try to stand by them even if they do things wrong, always try to help them to do the right thing. You can have friends from online and from the real world. You should always try to trust and try to believe in what they are going to tell you it might wrong or it could be right, If you feel that they have heart best for you. Friends will be there when you time of need when you someone lose a family member or someone that you love for along time or very short term. Friends are always going to be there for you. you might have friends as your family. |
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ok i want to be u r friend
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He has never said he just want to be friends, he has said that he is very shy. Umm, you realize that 'shy' is another way for people to disguise being self-centered, right ... ? Surprise him one day by grabbing his crotch and saying 'I want you right here right now!' and see what happens. I don't think 'subtle' is gonna work in a case like this. 'Direct action' will give you the answer you're looking for ... Worst that can happen is that he finally admits he just doesn't think of you 'that way' ... find out early. If he just wants 'friends' and you want more, it's time to look elsewhere. |
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Edited by
Th3Friend
on
Fri 09/03/10 01:48 PM
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How much of a help are you with his kids? Maybe he doesnt know what he is doing and needs you to be there to help with them. Do you hang out with out his kids around?
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How much of a help are you with his kids? Maybe he doesnt know what he is doing and needs you to be there to help with them. Do you hang out with out his kids around? |
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