Hello
Im sure many already know me as DeathsTreaty, the screen name that you can see, My real name is Matthew Rivera, if you were curious and didnt know. The name DeathsTreaty is a name of that carries part of the burden of my Anti-social behavior. I have trouble speaking to people. I much rather be left alone in a corner till I die, but than there is another part of me that doesnt want that, I call him DeathsTreaty, sometimes Mort. DeathsTreaty wants to be someone and wants to see a change not just for himself but for the few that are around him. The little family that surrond him are important. When I was very young, I was around my family from both my mothers side and fathers side. I cant remeber a day I didnt smile when they were around, not a day I didnt laugh, not a night that I could not sleep well. I felt honored to have such a loving family, one that cares so deeply for each other. I did not have many friends, in fact, I only had one. He lived down the block form me, we knew each other since 2nd grade, and we still see each other once in a while. Today I can not call him a friend, he was lost in the world of drugs and crime. the Friend I made is dead, his body and mind are there, but not him, not the person I knew. This took me time to relize, and even longer to get use to. Part of me died with that, I didnt know how to make friends, still dont. I lived a life with deperession, and anti-social behavior, and a family that lost their way and lied. But I didnt know, I couldnt understand that. I only saw them smile, but later relized that those smiles were from all the alchohol they drank, and the tears were from all the lies they made, and the lives they made, the childeren they had, the family, the next generation that I felt and saw the same as me, we all grew into the lies. but didnt know they were to balme. the time we spent, I still question if any of that was real.

...I wanted to share my story....Thanx for reading if you do...I kind of feel a bit better...

That is a very sad tale my friend. Only you can choose to break the cycle. It is alot easier to crawl in a hole. Trust me brother I know. Get out and meet some folks. That hole will end up being a very lonely place. I wish you the best......

Wow... just... wow! If it makes you feel better, I've always liked your posts, and I would be happy to call you friend. I'm sure there are plenty of folks out there that would also be proud to call you friend.

Thanx ^^

Im glad some enjoy my post...Im always curious f that ^^"




I would like to change the cycle, I really do hate sitting at home and dwelling on the past and damning myself for not being able to make myself motivated to go out and find people....I really do like people, I enjoy company.....more now than every since my family is all split up

I live in a town where I have no family or connections other than work... so in order to meet people and make friends, I joined meetup.com I've met some great people from there, and it works well because you know that you're all there for the same purpose.

Hi Matt

Hi, ya, Matt. You're not alone here.

Hello Venus and Trout ^^




I will look into that, thanx ^^

Hi Matt, that's a sad story. I have heard similar stories from other people. You are not alone. They are working to overcome thier problems...you can too!

You make a wonderful contribution here.
Always thoughtful.
You seem to matriculate in the forums
with ease.
We all enter the cyber jungle wary.
At our own risk.
Then one day we realize, we are the
jungle, and we reach out to the wary
behind us.

I am glad to know you Matt.

soufie

Hello Live ^^




Im trying ^^

Thanx Soufie ^^



Im glad to have meet many here aswell

The past can be a b!tch to get over. I am certainly a work in progress but what has helped me is trying to work on moving forward. It helps to divert the attention off the past..........

Yes, I would like to move on aswell,

It would mean leaving my family behind, nearly all of them
But I still care about them, for reason Im not completly sure, I would like to "Save" them in a sense, That is my goal, or at least was, Im a bit lost on what the biggr picture is and where I fit in it...ut I think that omes in times, much to soon for me I guess

Brother you can't save them if that isn't what they want. A good friend of mine looked me in the eyes and told me " Stop beating your stupid azz up over other peoples problems ". Made me think......

I had to give up some of my anti-social behavior because it used to interfere with my hitch hiking. I can remember standing on the side of the road with my thumb up hoping somebody would give me a ride. Then I would have to break out of little world because invariably the driver would ask me where I wanted to go.

I see what you mean, than I Will have to give up on them, I was afraid that would happen, but it will be for my better


It inteferes with everything I do, I cant even stand next to people without my knees shaking, I cant look up, once in a while I will be approached, and I just cant bring myelf to say anything more than half the time, maybe if someone asked me a Yes or No questions I qould nod, but thats really about it, It has hurt me in many ways, it has created a place where oppurtunities seem to be my blind spots, Its fustrating...

No, but their drinking has caused much loss
I dont want to blame them
What happened, happened

I will have to just do better than them

Thanx ^^


My mother and brothers are the only ones who havent fallen, but they also have their faults, like everyone else does, but my brother is just starting to well for himself, I would like to catch up to him soon

I have always enjoyed your posts and your creativity, and your poetry has consistently impressed me.

You've been through a lot, and you've survived, and I think those experiences, those struggles, probably have a lot to do with the creative talents you've displayed in your writings.

Just know that there are those of us out here who do appreciate you and admire you.