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| Topic: Anti-social Behavior | |
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Thanx Lex ^^
That means a lot to me ^^ |
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Hey Matt
no matter why no matter how no matter when no matter who no matter where I will hug you I think your great!!! 
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Edited by
Teditis
on
Tue 08/10/10 05:46 AM
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Hey Matt
I don't think that posting was anti-social... rather I see it as very "socialable", very courageous in fact. A trait that I admire. I agree with the other's... your input here is valued. Sorry that I haven't expressed that before. (btw, just for the record, there's a difference between anti-social and social phobias... I've never noticed your stuff as being "anti" anything... js) |
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What kind of anti-social behaviour are we talking? The way you describe yourself you are more unsocialable than anti-social, and thats a whole load better. Your not either on this site though.
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Yes, I would like to move on aswell, It would mean leaving my family behind, nearly all of them But I still care about them, for reason Im not completly sure, I would like to "Save" them in a sense, That is my goal, or at least was, Im a bit lost on what the biggr picture is and where I fit in it...ut I think that omes in times, much to soon for me I guess Could it be because you are not focused on yourself? Dont try to save other peeps M...save yourself. We are all on and responsible for our own Karmic journey no-one elses. Shift your focus back to your own life. Identify what YOU truly want in life and then you can form goals to get you there. Good luck my friend 
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Thanx Everyone ^^
Well, its a bit odd, but I can type and write well enough, but when it comes to literaly opening my mouth, That is when I struggle, I can see/think what I want to say, but in most cases it never comes out I dont have much experince with doing for myself, I wasnt taught that, I have an idea, but Im still working on it |
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Thanx Everyone ^^ Well, its a bit odd, but I can type and write well enough, but when it comes to literaly opening my mouth, That is when I struggle, I can see/think what I want to say, but in most cases it never comes out I dont have much experince with doing for myself, I wasnt taught that, I have an idea, but Im still working on it Many are much better writers than speakwers. Start a journal, keep it going through out life, it does help you sort through all of the 'stuff'. I left home @ 21 to travel the country. Unless you are needed, it really is time for you to find out about the world, leave the apst where it is. All do it pretty much, you will come back to them in your 30's or 40's. Know the heck you are going through, my family thos, was mean instead of smiles. Took quite the while to wade through that it was them, not me, who had the problems, altho it affected me the same as you. Have a wonderful life, you will. You're awake now, thats the important thing. |
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Thanx ^^
Im not sure I get that pic any ^^" I write poetry, Its like a journal in a way Im looking for work,although I really want to move out of the city, dont like it at all need to save up for a bit than Im leaving |
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Thanx Everyone ^^ Well, its a bit odd, but I can type and write well enough, but when it comes to literaly opening my mouth, That is when I struggle, I can see/think what I want to say, but in most cases it never comes out I dont have much experince with doing for myself, I wasnt taught that, I have an idea, but Im still working on it I can relate with that. I like writing long letters but speaking orally is hard. 12 step work helped me a lot in that area, though. |
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M...there is such a thing as toxic parents/relations You have to put distance between yourself and toxic peeps in order to see the world without that filter. Your 21 now and you dont owe anything to anyone...your life is your own. You have the right to the best life you can create.
This is just an idea but if your in the position to do it, I suggest travel. Once you are out there in the world traveling on your own, It really puts things into perspective. Its a wonderful way to get to know yourself. Its also great for becomming self reliant. You have much to offer...your life is waiting for you...grab on with both hands and claim it. 
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I wrote a poem after reading your post. reminded me of myself in both stand points. Your not alone Matt, but I understand a bit of your conflict. Just don't let it weigh you down inside, be faithful.
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I like the pic, thanx ^^
Its unfortunate that Im not alone, The feeling is one I wish no other would have to go through if possiable I dont think Im in position to travel, but that is something that I am interested in How can that position be created? |
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Edited by
Seakolony
on
Wed 08/11/10 02:29 PM
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Hello Im sure many already know me as DeathsTreaty, the screen name that you can see, My real name is Matthew Rivera, if you were curious and didnt know. The name DeathsTreaty is a name of that carries part of the burden of my Anti-social behavior. I have trouble speaking to people. I much rather be left alone in a corner till I die, but than there is another part of me that doesnt want that, I call him DeathsTreaty, sometimes Mort. DeathsTreaty wants to be someone and wants to see a change not just for himself but for the few that are around him. The little family that surrond him are important. When I was very young, I was around my family from both my mothers side and fathers side. I cant remeber a day I didnt smile when they were around, not a day I didnt laugh, not a night that I could not sleep well. I felt honored to have such a loving family, one that cares so deeply for each other. I did not have many friends, in fact, I only had one. He lived down the block form me, we knew each other since 2nd grade, and we still see each other once in a while. Today I can not call him a friend, he was lost in the world of drugs and crime. the Friend I made is dead, his body and mind are there, but not him, not the person I knew. This took me time to relize, and even longer to get use to. Part of me died with that, I didnt know how to make friends, still dont. I lived a life with deperession, and anti-social behavior, and a family that lost their way and lied. But I didnt know, I couldnt understand that. I only saw them smile, but later relized that those smiles were from all the alchohol they drank, and the tears were from all the lies they made, and the lives they made, the childeren they had, the family, the next generation that I felt and saw the same as me, we all grew into the lies. but didnt know they were to balme. the time we spent, I still question if any of that was real. ...I wanted to share my story....Thanx for reading if you do...I kind of feel a bit better... I would say to you this you can see your childhood and any part of your life the way you choose to see it.......for instance I can let go of the negatives of the past be happy in today for today is not yesterday and my freedom is my happiness for all who triumph my sadness for all who feel pain with the compassion to move obstacles with intent and purpose to not let others whose purpose to suppress or own what is me....negativity will never encirlce my soul.....I am saddened by your view in hindsight.....and hope you find your light.....this site I think is a great step for you |
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I like the pic, thanx ^^ Its unfortunate that Im not alone, The feeling is one I wish no other would have to go through if possiable I dont think Im in position to travel, but that is something that I am interested in How can that position be created? Well, for me, Ive always had to work/travel. Sooo I started by moving clear across the country. Where I didnt know a soul. I worked and introduced myself around coffee shops etc. Ive also done a lot of volunteer work and that helps me meet Peeps too. Then from there if I were you, I would look into work overseas. I would also research ex-pat communties, and tourist/resort areas. There are some great online mags Ive been reading for years ( escapeartist.com and escapefromamerica.com) are two good ones. Take a couple of years and really narrow down where you want to go. There are many careers overseas like teaching english...resort/cruiseship work. And of course its always great to make a second income stream from your puter then you are free to go...I really hope this helps M...I think you have a lot to offer the world, all you have to do is get out in it...O and its only scary at first, you get over it quick 
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O!! and one more thing...If I can do it, you definately can
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Thanx ^^
The Light, I think is what scares me most, Im not sure why though I will look into this, thanx a lot Venus ^^ I will have to see how to work it out with all the job loss, but I will find something |
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HI Matt, I've enjoyed reading your posts too..I've had to overcome a lot of negative things in my family and life but I am a survivor and better for it.. Just take it one day at a time and all of the above suggestions are good starts.. Hang in there, we are all here for you.
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The Light, I think is what scares me most, Im not sure why though The light??Ccould you expand this?? Photophobia?? |
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