Do you really need to be at peace with yourself before starting a new relationship or are you just using it as an excuse to not put yourself out there?

Yes.

You really need to be at peace with yourself, and when you are you will know that you are not just using it to not put yourself out there. Really. Took a long time and a lot of failed relationships to realize exactly that.

If you're not you're just going to lay your misery on someone else.

Because our personal state of mind reflects in all we do, I would say the better frame of mind and emotion you have the better chances you have of: choosing a better partner for yourself, keeping the relationship healthy, carrying through on what is needed to make the relationship it's best.

I'm just trying to get my groove on.

That whole thing strikes me as one of those platitudes people use when they have no idea how to deal with a real issue....of course, I could count the number of people I've ever met who were really "at peace" with themselves on less than one finger of one hand, so maybe I'm not the best one to ask.

Peace is for after you're dead; i.e., "Rest In Peace."

Yeah I think you do. I am still trying to find peace but it doesn't mean you can't meet people to help you along the path. On the other hand if you did get involved it would help with your peace. Very interesting question........

Total agreement with Dragoness and MTDT. For so many reasons. There is a grieving process, even when the relationship was extremely dysfunctional. My Ma used to say, "Even a gorilla......when he's gone, you miss all the banging on the bars." At the end of a long relationship, it takes time to disconnect from the 'us' and reconnect with the 'me'. Besides, no one needs to be cleaning up a mess from a relationship with someone else.

I'll go with the second one. Do I win something now? Please don't say a date with a hot guy 'cause I'm not at peace with myself yet.

But seriously Chrissy, that's a good question.

For me, I'm not sure I'll ever be at peace with myself so I hope that's not what's holding me back. I think I'm just afraid of hurting someone. I'm not sure I'm capable of this thing they call love so I tend to hide out in the cave. Better safe than sorry seems to be my motto. It's a crappy motto though so I'd suggest a different one.

I'm always at peace with myself, leave the past in the past!

...i'm at peace with myself..it's people... i can't understand,their logic and morals make my brain hurt...

First, thank you for the responses so far.

Second, I should have stated that I wanted you all to lie to me so that I could go out, hook up and feel connected just for a minute.

And third, if you had lied it would have made me smile, but I would have continued my self-imposed isolation anyway.

Analyzing oneself, really getting to know and accepting who you are is a difficult and lonely process. Every now and then I just want to feel better, alive, connected.

You all help me do that while not hurting anyone else in the process. Thanks for not lying to me.

Self imposed isolation never did me any good. Get out and do something you find fun! Re connect with old frineds. Make new friends. You will feel better (aka at peace with yourself). Crap, that has not helped me get into a relationship but at least I feel better about myself!

Thanks Matt and welcome to the forums. Part of my problem is I don't know what I find fun. I have made some great new friends, love my old ones, tried taking a jewlry making class(it was a disaster) and started running. Still looking for my peace.

Wanna dance?????? Opps, I forgot the heart thingy

Your Welcome. I discovered Karaoke. It is awkward at first, but becomes fun just with anything new. So perhaps there is more life in your jewelry making class! I was a runner before. FYI, it is very introvert unless you can find people to run with. But being outdoors doing something like running can be fun! Thats awsome too that your have friends old in new in your life!

Yeah. Being at peace with yourself is a good thing. Being happy all by yourself is cool, too. Being okay being single is just awesome. Sure took me a while though. To stop bytching though...Heck, that day may never come. But that is cool, too because I really needed to vent for a while. Being self-sufficient took a while, too. But I am glad my mother helped me with that. Especially, now that she has moved away. It is finally okay to be just me.

No, because _really_ being at peace with yourself means you don't _have_ to put yourself out there if other things in your life get you jazzed. There's an infinite amount of Mystery out there just waiting to be explored, and for some of us, romantic relationships are just a footnote we've already tried and found wanting.

-Kerry O.

Right on..I hate to say this, but there are times I'm happy that there is no one around and leaves me to do the stuff that others seem to be finding so boring and uninteresting. This just brings be back memories how I was bothered to change the things I care about because the significant other found them "boring".