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| Topic: A serious question | |
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Personally, if I knew I had a limited time left, I would take the chance of finding some one to be with. Even if I made some enamels. Before my mom's aunt past away, she did what ever she wanted so that she could make the most of what she had left. She didn't stop living until her body stopped operating. If I can, that's how I would like to go out. And if you meet the right person, they hopefully won't dwell on your death, but remember and celebrate your life.
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I do know that I only have a few years left. Five is an optomistic number. Therefore, I refuse to really date as I feel it is just wrong to chance letting someone vest emotions in me when I know that I am going to die fairly soon. It just seems cruel. I am not afraid of not finding someone, I am afraid of the pain I would cause them if I did find them and everything went wonderfully. Trying to minimize the collateral damage from my death. It should be their choice! If a woman would not leave a man because he is dying, then why can't a woman chose to be with a man who is. It is like not having a child because of the pain for the woman. But the pain will be forgotten after the child is born. The same with this, after the pain ends, the memories of the love remains long after the pain. Do people cry forever because of a death.....No! They speak of good things, of stories, and of love......and even dream of that which could have been. Cyclops |
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I have a question for everyone out there. If you saw someone and before you met them you knew two things: 1) That you would fall in love with them if you met them and 2) That they would die of a illness within the next five years Yes, I would rather love and be loved than going through the pain of never having it. I love my husband for 9 years before he died. Would I change a thing only that he didnt' have to die. Not one second of our lives together.
Would you still go for it and meet them or would you stay back and miss out on the relationship to save from the pain? |
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I'm too much of a romantic, so my answer is a predictable yes, to the topic question.
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Edited by
AGoodGuy1026
on
Mon 05/24/10 06:30 AM
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I have a question for everyone out there. If you saw someone and before you met them you knew two things: 1) That you would fall in love with them if you met them and 2) That they would die of a illness within the next five years Would you still go for it and meet them or would you stay back and miss out on the relationship to save from the pain? i would hope it would be vise a virsa on my end if i met someone that was willing to prove they cared and accepting my health issue that i have now..if they can be emotionally supportive then thats great above quote: conditional love = sucks... OP: I too lean toward the romantic side... I would go for it!... $.02 
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Edited by
Shasta1
on
Mon 05/24/10 01:03 PM
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I do know that I only have a few years left. Five is an optomistic number. Therefore, I refuse to really date as I feel it is just wrong to chance letting someone vest emotions in me when I know that I am going to die fairly soon. It just seems cruel. I am not afraid of not finding someone, I am afraid of the pain I would cause them if I did find them and everything went wonderfully. Trying to minimize the collateral damage from my death. It should be their choice! If a woman would not leave a man because he is dying, then why can't a woman chose to be with a man who is. It is like not having a child because of the pain for the woman. But the pain will be forgotten after the child is born. The same with this, after the pain ends, the memories of the love remains long after the pain. Do people cry forever because of a death.....No! They speak of good things, of stories, and of love......and even dream of that which could have been. Excellent reply. OP, understand you're wanting to do the 'noble' thing but it is in fact denying yourself and anothers choice to decide. Fear is not a feeling I would want if in your picture right now. Choose life, what if you did and a child was born of it? Your memory would live on with them. Nothing is carved in stone, new advances in medicine, and love is the greatest healer we have. Don't miss out on it because you think you are saing another. Just be honest with people upfront, maybe not the first conversation but if it starts to look that way..sometime during the next..say..ten. Good luck. If we all felt like that, no one would date anyone. Like posted also previously, anyone can go at anytime. Or contract a terminal illness. My cousins husband was 'supposed to die' over 5 years ago, with the severe type of Lymphoma he has- he should have. He's still going strong, trying new meds and a content, healthy man. Don't give up that easy. |
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Edited by
Kings_Knight
on
Mon 05/24/10 01:09 PM
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Life offers no guarantees. We're not promised another five minutes, let alone five years. None of us know how many minutes remain on our 'game clock'. Go for it.
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Seriously relationships do good to make it for 5 years now days...........so why dwell on the what ifs and just throw caution to the wind and enjoy life if love is part of it then enjoy it to the fullest as well. One should never go out with regrets of truly living & loving.........
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It all depends,
I have a very very close friend I know if I met him, no doubt I would fall inlove with him. But I respect he is married and such, so I cna't go thre with him, no matter if he was single? Id love him and make him as happpy as I could tell he passed away. To me, He would make me happy just being a major part of my life, even if I have to take care of him in the end. Thats the thing about unconditional love |
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I have a question for everyone out there. If you saw someone and before you met them you knew two things: 1) That you would fall in love with them if you met them and 2) That they would die of a illness within the next five years Would you still go for it and meet them or would you stay back and miss out on the relationship to save from the pain? If she is going to be ill for the next five years I would say no. "falling in love" only lasts for six months anyway. Real love that gets you through five years is very rare. |
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Edited by
ShadowShaker
on
Wed 05/26/10 01:56 AM
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To me there is a difference between the uncertainties of life and the knowledge of death happening soon. Most all go into a relationship feeling that they will not leave the other person in tears, not even thinking about the potential of death happening soon. But it seems irresponsible to get into a relationship knowing that if everything goes wonderfully, it will end with the other person in tears. It makes more since to just not let them be involved in the pain.
Just so everyone knows, my family has been trying to get me to date and I refuse because I have a heart condition that has been 100% fatal to all who develop it. They don't know what causes it, and there is no cure so death is certain. The average life span of someone with this condition is about 10 years, but due to me not seeing a doctor right after the symptoms developed, I had between about 5 or 7 and that was two years ago. There is no constant pain or anything like that and I am not disabled by it, I do have frequent hospital visits as a result however (was hospitalized 6 times last year). I already have a 13 year old, so there is someone to live on for me so to speak. At this point to me it just seems selfish to get involved as it would only be making my time a little nicer for the pain that it would cause someone else. And if a child came of a new relationship, that would end up being a fatherless child (another concept I don't handle well). I have had two relationships in my life that lasted less then 2 years, the other 3 lasted over 4 years (with my last lasting 11 years). Also, I really do appreciate the replies on this topic, it is a tricky one for a lot of people. I am very much a logical person and the facts have to make since for me to change my mind. Not being able to see the other side of the coin properly due to my situation, it is logical for me to find out what people in general think. Thus, here I am. Hoping to either satisfy my family that I am making the right choice or have my mind changed based on the facts. |
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i AM in love with someone who is in full kidney failure and have been since the day he began dialysis.
what would it say about me as a person if i walked away from him and the relationship because i worried about whether they'd die? heck i could be in a car accident today and go first. we never really know when it's going to be our time, do we? there might exist other reasons to possibly end the relationship, but his health, or lack of it, wouldn't be one of them. i don't necessarily believe in forevers anymore anyway. i think that people pass through your lives at certain moments when you most need each other and that they might fulfill a huge need, and leave a lasting impression on you, but that your time together might be short-lived, or lengthy. i take each day as it comes and cherish each day that i do have his love, and that he does have reasonably good health. |
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everyone dies
no one knows when or how anyone can fall in love no one knows with whom no absolute certainties so smile |
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Edited by
Jeanniebean
on
Wed 05/26/10 06:40 AM
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Thanks s1owhand, I was about to say the same thing. There is one thing certain, and that is that death is certain.
Also, I personally do not believe in "incurable" or in Doctors giving people time limits. My aunt had cancer and it was really bad and the doctors gave her about two weeks to live. She found treatment in Mexico, a supposedly a third world country, and lived for five years. Doctors don't know everything. If you did happen to find someone you wanted to spend the last years of your life with, do so and do it well, living every moment to the fullest. Expect to live, don't sit around waiting to die. The thing I don't like is that so many people believe their doctors as if they were Gods. They aren't. Just because they can't fix you, does not mean your body, which is miracle, can't keep living or even heal itself. Don't waste your life waiting for death. So what if people cry. People will always cry and people will always die. Its how you live that makes a difference. Live well. Die well. |
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The path never followed contains consequences and rewards to the individual's path. There remains both rewards and consequences for the path that individual follows. It is up to every individual heart and mind to decide if the rewards are worth the consequences of their own direction and path chosen.
For me I am forever a risk taker emotionally and spiritually, I gambled, won and lost in many ways. I refused to gamble, won and lost in many ways. |
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To me there is a difference between the uncertainties of life and the knowledge of death happening soon. Most all go into a relationship feeling that they will not leave the other person in tears, not even thinking about the potential of death happening soon. But it seems irresponsible to get into a relationship knowing that if everything goes wonderfully, it will end with the other person in tears. It makes more since to just not let them be involved in the pain. Just so everyone knows, my family has been trying to get me to date and I refuse because I have a heart condition that has been 100% fatal to all who develop it. They don't know what causes it, and there is no cure so death is certain. The average life span of someone with this condition is about 10 years, but due to me not seeing a doctor right after the symptoms developed, I had between about 5 or 7 and that was two years ago. There is no constant pain or anything like that and I am not disabled by it, I do have frequent hospital visits as a result however (was hospitalized 6 times last year). I already have a 13 year old, so there is someone to live on for me so to speak. At this point to me it just seems selfish to get involved as it would only be making my time a little nicer for the pain that it would cause someone else. And if a child came of a new relationship, that would end up being a fatherless child (another concept I don't handle well). I have had two relationships in my life that lasted less then 2 years, the other 3 lasted over 4 years (with my last lasting 11 years). Also, I really do appreciate the replies on this topic, it is a tricky one for a lot of people. I am very much a logical person and the facts have to make since for me to change my mind. Not being able to see the other side of the coin properly due to my situation, it is logical for me to find out what people in general think. Thus, here I am. Hoping to either satisfy my family that I am making the right choice or have my mind changed based on the facts. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There's a difference between 'illness' / 'sickness' / 'death'. Illness and sickness are real, but there is NO 'death'. What we perceive as 'death' is nothing more than the leaving behind of the physical container that carries whatever is 'us' around while we're in this existence. When we leave behind our 'skin suit', we merely transition to a higher plane of existence. Our 'skin suit' might be here, but we're somewhere else then ... and we're NOT 'dead'. WE're alive - our 'container' is 'dead'. Only when y' look at it from the perspective of 'us' and our 'essence' (or the 'product' and the 'container') is a concept like 'death' valid - but it's only valid for the container, not for the stuff that makes us 'us'. Just as an aside, I've also got my own cardio problems, but I refuse to live like an invalid and I will NOT be confined by arbitrary 'rules' about what I 'can' and 'can't' do ... I DECIDE what I can and can't do - or will and won't do. As for relationships ... if you DON'T try, you lose whatever you MIGHT have gained. It's an automatic 'given'. If you DO try, you might lose, but you might ALSO win what you never thought you could have had. Given that choice, I'll try every damned time ... whatever else may happen down the road is something everyone has to deal with sooner or later - there is NO escape from that part of it. If you choose to put artificial limitations on yourself, that's your choice - but then y' can't come back later and play the 'poor me' game ... it's 'choice and consequence', boy-o. |
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There's a difference between 'illness' / 'sickness' / 'death'. Illness and sickness are real, but there is NO 'death'. What we perceive as 'death' is nothing more than the leaving behind of the physical container that carries whatever is 'us' around while we're in this existence. When we leave behind our 'skin suit', we merely transition to a higher plane of existence. Our 'skin suit' might be here, but we're somewhere else then ... and we're NOT 'dead'. WE're alive - our 'container' is 'dead'. Only when y' look at it from the perspective of 'us' and our 'essence' (or the 'product' and the 'container') is a concept like 'death' valid - but it's only valid for the container, not for the stuff that makes us 'us'. Just as an aside, I've also got my own cardio problems, but I refuse to live like an invalid and I will NOT be confined by arbitrary 'rules' about what I 'can' and 'can't' do ... I DECIDE what I can and can't do - or will and won't do. As for relationships ... if you DON'T try, you lose whatever you MIGHT have gained. It's an automatic 'given'. If you DO try, you might lose, but you might ALSO win what you never thought you could have had. Given that choice, I'll try every damned time ... whatever else may happen down the road is something everyone has to deal with sooner or later - there is NO escape from that part of it. If you choose to put artificial limitations on yourself, that's your choice - but then y' can't come back later and play the 'poor me' game ... it's 'choice and consequence', boy-o.  |
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Why would anyone stop living for what might be? I fully expect to die by having my head crushed in by a horse's hoof, but that doesn't stop me from riding horses. (Yes, I'm in a morbid mood today).
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To me there is a difference between the uncertainties of life and the knowledge of death happening soon. Most all go into a relationship feeling that they will not leave the other person in tears, not even thinking about the potential of death happening soon. But it seems irresponsible to get into a relationship knowing that if everything goes wonderfully, it will end with the other person in tears. It makes more since to just not let them be involved in the pain. Just so everyone knows, my family has been trying to get me to date and I refuse because I have a heart condition that has been 100% fatal to all who develop it. They don't know what causes it, and there is no cure so death is certain. The average life span of someone with this condition is about 10 years, but due to me not seeing a doctor right after the symptoms developed, I had between about 5 or 7 and that was two years ago. There is no constant pain or anything like that and I am not disabled by it, I do have frequent hospital visits as a result however (was hospitalized 6 times last year). I already have a 13 year old, so there is someone to live on for me so to speak. At this point to me it just seems selfish to get involved as it would only be making my time a little nicer for the pain that it would cause someone else. And if a child came of a new relationship, that would end up being a fatherless child (another concept I don't handle well). I have had two relationships in my life that lasted less then 2 years, the other 3 lasted over 4 years (with my last lasting 11 years). Also, I really do appreciate the replies on this topic, it is a tricky one for a lot of people. I am very much a logical person and the facts have to make since for me to change my mind. Not being able to see the other side of the coin properly due to my situation, it is logical for me to find out what people in general think. Thus, here I am. Hoping to either satisfy my family that I am making the right choice or have my mind changed based on the facts. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There's a difference between 'illness' / 'sickness' / 'death'. Illness and sickness are real, but there is NO 'death'. What we perceive as 'death' is nothing more than the leaving behind of the physical container that carries whatever is 'us' around while we're in this existence. When we leave behind our 'skin suit', we merely transition to a higher plane of existence. Our 'skin suit' might be here, but we're somewhere else then ... and we're NOT 'dead'. WE're alive - our 'container' is 'dead'. Only when y' look at it from the perspective of 'us' and our 'essence' (or the 'product' and the 'container') is a concept like 'death' valid - but it's only valid for the container, not for the stuff that makes us 'us'. Just as an aside, I've also got my own cardio problems, but I refuse to live like an invalid and I will NOT be confined by arbitrary 'rules' about what I 'can' and 'can't' do ... I DECIDE what I can and can't do - or will and won't do. As for relationships ... if you DON'T try, you lose whatever you MIGHT have gained. It's an automatic 'given'. If you DO try, you might lose, but you might ALSO win what you never thought you could have had. Given that choice, I'll try every damned time ... whatever else may happen down the road is something everyone has to deal with sooner or later - there is NO escape from that part of it. If you choose to put artificial limitations on yourself, that's your choice - but then y' can't come back later and play the 'poor me' game ... it's 'choice and consequence', boy-o. You act like I am giving up on something. I am not giving up on anything, I am simply making the choice not to hurt others. And has anybody seen me play a poor me card? I am asking opinion. I have asked no one to feel sorry for me nor do I want them to, I have lived a good life with no real regrets thus far. Many out there have worse lives then I, I am just graduating this life early. Please if you respond don't make it an emotional hurling of comments and please don't accuse me of things I have not done or am not doing. I know exactly what I am asking, the consequences of my decisions and I even understand for many it may be an emotional topic, but to me it is about not letting emotions over-ride logic. |
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If it is Love it is LOve...The other thing that you would have to ask yourself is...know that this person has a terminal illness...do you really love this person or do you feel sorry for them and you are letting your petty for this person control your feelings and emotions???
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