A customer at work and I were discussing engagement and wedding rings. She'd just gotten engaged and while gleefully happy about it, she didn't like the engagement ring.

She was trying to figure out how badly it might upset the guy if she asked that they go looking together so she could find something more suitable.

Unfortunately, I couldn't really help her, since I know I'd want to be involved in picking out a ring.

How badly would that upset you guys?

I've had this discussion with male friends and they've told me they'd be very upset...

My SO involved me in picking out the ring and I got to design as well..

I think the surprise is romantic but would hope that the SO would know the tastes enough to pick out something that would be loved...

I've wondered. I know for myself personally, the stone has to be well protected, and most of the ones I've seen sit way to high.

I know mom has only ever taken hers off for medical stuff and cleaning the ring, but she does everything wearing it.

I agree with you on hoping the SO would involve the other person.

As far as I know it's customary for a couple to LOOK TOGETHER for engagement rings, which is why I was so surprised when I read your post.

Doesn't he care about HER feelings about what cut of diamond she likes? Shouldn't she have some say in a ring that she will be wearing every day for the rest of her entire married life?

maybe the guy thought she'd pick a ring he couldn't afford

That's what I always thought, AngelArs, but maybe not for everyone?!

So put a price limit on it, sheesh.

Really.... how hard would it be to say x amount of dollars. If I was a woman I would see a guy picking out HER ring as a red flag... I have heard no excuse for this that makes any sense.

And if a guy is worried that she'll get bent out of shape over a price limit, he's probably better knowing beforehand. Because if she's the type who does, it WILL be a problem in the future.

I agree with this I would hope that he would have at least paid attention to what my likes or dislikes were and if he had done it on his own he at least knew what I liked. But to request to exchange it I'm sure that would hurt his feelings as well. But.........I would hate to know I had to wear a ring that I did not even like

Sooooooooooooo as hard as it would be I would have to be honest with him...........

really?

i kind of think it's nice to wear something that he likes, providing that he's also taken the time to learn her preference as well and doesn't purchase something she'd hate.

the surprise is more important to me than the design and i think it's romantic for him to do it solo rather than giving away some of the secret.

Hmmm....this is probably a touchy subject for a lot of people. But the ring is something that she may have to look at for the rest of her life (if she is lucky). I think she should tell him. If he gets upset enough and they can't work it through amicably, shouldn't that be a sign that maybe they aren't ready for a ring at all?

There are several factors working here, from the guy's perspective.

"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth". You can always exchange it after you are married for the practical reasons (sits up too high, whatever) you have mentioned. To do so during the engagement period really seems to blur the reason it was given.

The guy may see the ring as a symbol of his offer of love, life long commitment, etc. If the ring isn't good enough, maybe his offer isn't either.

I think you are walking a rocky path here.

Your guy may vary.

My ex and I worked on the stone and the setting together with a jeweler!!

I let him have it at the end

he needed a lot of money!!! Lol

IMHO: I wouldn't be that upset... actually, I would have taken an approach of communicating with my perspective wife before making a large purchase (like a ring)... the intent being she will wear this ring for a long time - she should like the ring for it's jewelry value just as much as the emotional/spiritual value...

I would discuss her likes, dislikes and preferences -- then surprise her with a ring that she was likely to want... as long as she loved me and was accepting of the relationship - what the ring looks like could easily be remedied if she does not like it...

$.02

Before my ex and I got married, I let her pick out her own ring. I figured she should have something she likes.

After we split up, she sold it for drugs.

It's that "PROVIDED THAT...." and everything afterward that is the whole point...

Obviously the two people would have talked about this before hand. IF he takes the time to LEARN what she likes and dislikes THEN it shows he is considering her feelings. However, if on the other hand he just buys her whatever HE wants and he couldn't care less about what she wants, then that shows a big 'ol problem in the relationship right there.



Well said

Let's see here.

The guy thought enough of this woman to want to risk everything and marry her.

He also wanted to truly surprise her when he asked her to marry him by having the ring in his possession at the time.

Instead of seeing the romance involved, and seeing the fact that he truly loves her enough to want to do something very special for her...

She's irritated because he didn't let her pick it out?

What if ( and from what I read it isn't the case this time ) the guy had gotten the engagement ring from his mother because it's been passed down through the generations??

Perhaps she should just shut up and wait until after they are married, and then let him know, diplomatically, that while she appreciates the effort and thought he put into the ring, it wasn't quite right and could they perhaps go find one more appropriate.

If I went through the expense of buying an engagement ring, the thought involved in trying to set up the right moment to give it to her and she complained about the ring before we got married....

We wouldn't be getting married.

That would be an INSTANT indicator that I would be able to do very little to please her.

It is a brave man who arbitrarily picks out a piece of bling
for his honey without consulting first.
Romantic.
But.
Ever so potentially..unforgiving.
Like for 50 years.

"I don't want to kiss a mouth at night, that has been
chewing my *** all day.."

I'm just sayin'...

i was thinking the samething what a biotch. actually i hope he doesn't marry her, it'll be one less divorce