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| Topic: Engagement/Wedding Rings | |
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If people put as much energy into their relationships as they do picking out the perfect rock and having the perfect wedding the divorce rate my actually lower.
Always find it interesting that a woman will measure love by the size or quality of a diamond... |
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Always find it interesting that a woman will measure love by the size or quality of a diamond... i don't think it's really the size or quality of a diamond that's in question but rather the lack of his asking for any input at all from her, or his bothering to try to figure out something that she'd like. |
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Does this girl pick out all her birthday and Christmas presents too?
If my son bought an engagement ring for his girlfriend and she complained about it I would be telling him that this is his future--is he sure that is what he wants? |
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I understand what some are saying about how it would hurt his feelings ect due to it is a gift.
But...........is anyone not taking it into consideration that even if you give a birthday gift or any type of gift that one should take the time and effort into what you buy another person. So I guess it is okay to go out and buy a set of socket wrenches for a baby to play with cause you just picked up the first thing you laid your hands onto.   Come on if you don't even take the time to consider what would be appropriate to give to someone you can't always expect them to like it a ring is not just like a card or birthday gift you put aside it is something you should at least take more time in choosing the gift according to the person your buying it for. To me it shows how much you really know that person if you take extra time and take into consideration and the time to know what that person truly likes as far as style and size ect,,,,, many I know would not like a huge rock on their finger for they would rather have something dainty instead for they don't wear gawdy rings....... 
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I don't want to help pick out my ring, if I ever were to get another.
 I would like to be suprised and it would mean more if he picked it out! |
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when I proposed to my ex we went out and picked it out together so we could both agree on price and style!! thats why I liked my doll I gave her a pop top ring and she didnt know the difference!!
 
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I don't want to help pick out my ring, if I ever were to get another. I would like to be suprised and it would mean more if he picked it out! I agree.........100%!!!!!! I figure if your with a guy long enough to consider marriage.... he KNOWS damn well your likes in rings ect........and to have HIM pick it out himself, definitely means more to me..... 
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I don't want to help pick out my ring, if I ever were to get another. I would like to be suprised and it would mean more if he picked it out! Girl I feel the same way but I would hope that he would at least notice what kind of rings I do wear and styles and take into consideration what I would like when they did so. If it ever happened again for me I would love to be surprised with the old traditional on the knee thing ect with ring and all. I'm not a hard person to please when it comes to jewelry but I would not want a silver one since I do wear gold things like that they should know if they pay any attention. Actually I have never known anyone that did not like the ring they got when surprised.... Maybe those two have not known each other long enough to know their likes and dislikes..... Hell if I was in-love with them they could give me a plain gold band and I would be happy as a lark with it..... 
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Hell, it's hard enough to find a man who even wants to get married, screw the kind of ring, that's a very minor detail.....
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If people put as much energy into their relationships as they do picking out the perfect rock and having the perfect wedding the divorce rate my actually lower. Always find it interesting that a woman will measure love by the size or quality of a diamond... I agree, if all I had to worry about was cut, color and clarity, yeah, I'd be pretty golden.
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Haha I don't know I got mine from the hassidics in the diamond district of NYC who knew!!!! Oy vey!!!! 
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So I guess it is okay to go out and buy a set of socket wrenches for a baby to play with cause you just picked up the first thing you laid your hands onto. LOL.... Well said! There are a lot of variables here so this thread is hard to answer, like ... how long have they been dating, how well does he pay attention to her likes and dislikes, how good is their communication together, etc... but the bottom line is that if he doesn't add HER feelings into the equation before he picks something out, then that couples dynamics are lopsided and they're most likely will be headed toward trouble at some point down the line. Good relationships are about many things, like trust, faithfulness.... but they are also about neither party being selfish (which is what he would be if he didn't consider her feelings) and good communication together. There is no reason why they couldn't go out shopping together beforehand so that he could learn what her tastes are like, and then surprise her afterward with something that she's picked out. The key is that he took the time to keep her feelings in mind, instead of just shoving something in her face and saying "here, take it or leave it"... If it ever happened again for me I would love to be surprised with the old traditional on the knee thing ect with ring and all. I did that once and she was speechless. She liked Cracker Jacks (with the free surprise inside) and so after learning which ring she wanted I bought a box of Cracker Jacks and I very carefully opened it up. Then I unsealed the 'free gift' inside and replaced it with her real ring, resealed the 'gift' back up and then resealed the entire box. Then I non chalantly went grocery shopping and left her "Cracker Jacks" laying among the groceries. Of course as soon as she saw them she went right for them, and then as most people do, she first checked to see what kind of free gift was in the box. As she opened it up and looked at it the expression on her face was worth it right there. Then she said, "Honey... I think this is real..." As she looked up at me she saw that I was looking at her the whole time, and then she put two and two together and then she freaked out That's when I got down on my knee etc. etc.... it was a great moment. Unfortunately she apparently had a bad memory, and so not to long afterward I caught her cheating... but the moment itself with the Cracker Jacks was cool.
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So I guess it is okay to go out and buy a set of socket wrenches for a baby to play with cause you just picked up the first thing you laid your hands onto. LOL.... Well said! There are a lot of variables here so this thread is hard to answer, like ... how long have they been dating, how well does he pay attention to her likes and dislikes, how good is their communication together, etc... but the bottom line is that if he doesn't add HER feelings into the equation before he picks something out, then that couples dynamics are lopsided and they're most likely will be headed toward trouble at some point down the line. Good relationships are about many things, like trust, faithfulness.... but they are also about neither party being selfish (which is what he would be if he didn't consider her feelings) and good communication together. There is no reason why they couldn't go out shopping together beforehand so that he could learn what her tastes are like, and then surprise her afterward with something that she's picked out. The key is that he took the time to keep her feelings in mind, instead of just shoving something in her face and saying "here, take it or leave it"... If it ever happened again for me I would love to be surprised with the old traditional on the knee thing ect with ring and all. I did that once and she was speechless. She liked Cracker Jacks (with the free surprise inside) and so after learning which ring she wanted I bought a box of Cracker Jacks and I very carefully opened it up. Then I unsealed the 'free gift' inside and replaced it with her real ring, resealed the 'gift' back up and then resealed the entire box. Then I non chalantly went grocery shopping and left her "Cracker Jacks" laying among the groceries. Of course as soon as she saw them she went right for them, and then as most people do, she first checked to see what kind of free gift was in the box. As she opened it up and looked at it the expression on her face was worth it right there. Then she said, "Honey... I think this is real..." As she looked up at me she saw that I was looking at her the whole time, and then she put two and two together and then she freaked out That's when I got down on my knee etc. etc.... it was a great moment. Unfortunately she apparently had a bad memory, and so not to long afterward I caught her cheating... but the moment itself with the Cracker Jacks was cool. Now here is a Man that gets the whole situation and understands that at that moment one must put some thought and consideration towards the one he is buying for. I'm not one that would expect a 2-3 carat diamond and would put the one I'm in-love with in hock for 10 years. It is the thought that counts more then anything but even one that takes time to put that thought to use will find out that the woman he is with loves him and the ring he picked out regardless.. But as he has stated I do feel that just maybe these two have not been together long enough or at least the communication is not there for them. Without communication two people will never make it in this day and time............
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Let's see here. The guy thought enough of this woman to want to risk everything and marry her. He also wanted to truly surprise her when he asked her to marry him by having the ring in his possession at the time. Instead of seeing the romance involved, and seeing the fact that he truly loves her enough to want to do something very special for her... She's irritated because he didn't let her pick it out? What if ( and from what I read it isn't the case this time ) the guy had gotten the engagement ring from his mother because it's been passed down through the generations?? Perhaps she should just shut up and wait until after they are married, and then let him know, diplomatically, that while she appreciates the effort and thought he put into the ring, it wasn't quite right and could they perhaps go find one more appropriate. If I went through the expense of buying an engagement ring, the thought involved in trying to set up the right moment to give it to her and she complained about the ring before we got married.... We wouldn't be getting married. That would be an INSTANT indicator that I would be able to do very little to please her. So she waits till after the marriage to tell hubby she's not happy with the ring, is that any better? She's still saying that she didn't like it, and now they're married. Wouldn't that still piss the guy off? After all, not only did she really not care for it, but she hides the fact, which is, IMO, a form of lying. No this wasn't a family heirloom, and that's definitely a whole other situation. I don't know how one deals with that, though I know like with my grandmother's ring and one of my aunts that passed to mom, she wishes to reset the stones in a whole, updated version. |
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Does this girl pick out all her birthday and Christmas presents too? If my son bought an engagement ring for his girlfriend and she complained about it I would be telling him that this is his future--is he sure that is what he wants? Ahh, but birthdays and Christmas's come around yearly, so there's some gifts one will like, and others they won't. Heck, dad usually sends me out to get mom her Christmas and birthday presents, anymore. And engagement ring/wedding ring is supposed to be a permanent gift, at least for a long time. Mom updated her wedding band at their 30th anniversary, but is still wearing the original engagement. Heck, dad's wedding band is over 30 years old (they've been together 37 years in Aug), and other then re-golding the underside last year because of wearing thin, he still has the same ring. So, one would think liking the ring you have to live with would be pretty important. |
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I am just wondering why when presented with a ring that is totally not her taste she takes it and says yes. Does the fact that he is clueless to her style and taste give her an indication that they need to get to know each other better before she says yes?
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I am just wondering why when presented with a ring that is totally not her taste she takes it and says yes. Does the fact that he is clueless to her style and taste give her an indication that they need to get to know each other better before she says yes? I'm sure she loves him as she filled me in on those details. But she doesn't like the ring. Obviously the person is more important but she'd also like to be happy with the ring. |
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So she waits till after the marriage to tell hubby she's not happy with the ring, is that any better? She's still saying that she didn't like it, and now they're married. Wouldn't that still piss the guy off? After all, not only did she really not care for it, but she hides the fact, which is, IMO, a form of lying. trust me. It's not gonna hurt his feelings NEARLY as much if she waits and is diplomatic about it. Walking up and telling him " I just don't like this ring " isn't going to be a good way to do it. BUT...if she were to complain about it soon after GETTING it...trust me, dude is gonna be hurt and angry. If she complains now, it's going to be a HUGE red flag for him. Think about this ( and tell your friend that she should too ) he put a lot of thought into it. For her. He spent a good chunk of money on it. For her. He went through God knows what making the proposal perfect. For her. The least she can do FOR HIM is to not piss and moan about the ring not being exactly what she wants. If she TRULY wants HIM, the message behind him giving her the ring is MUCH more important than the ring itself. |
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