how do I deal with daughters that just stop all communication. I was a creampuff of a dad.They seem to sense that their mother would not like it. I keep sending them pleasant cards when I would like to ask them if I was their mother and father for the first part of their lives and they admit I raised them and now they are much like me!I guess I just have to wait...jakes701

Loneliness is not the worst thing;being forgotten by someone you know you will never be able to forget, is!

Are they not communicating because they have their own lives or because they are purposely shunning you?

I am not a reach out to people person either, I shared my childhood with my family and my parents, but once I grew up we all had established that we love each other and I was able to move to my own life without leaving them feeling abandoned. I would maybe tell them how much it would mean to you to hear from them and see if they respond to that.

I would, without seeming accusatory, ask them (face to face-important things need to be personal) why they don't seem to
stay in touch as often. Explain to them that you know they have their own lives and aren't going to have as much time as they use to with you, but that it makes you feel hurt and lonely that you don't seem to have the connection you are used to, and you would like to spend more time with them, even if some of it is just a phone call or card here and there, meet occasionally for lunch/dinner/movies, etc. Also explain that if there is a problem they should discuss it with you so it can be solved, which I'm sure they probably already know...but you would be surprised the things we take for granted that the people we love should just know, they need at least the occasional reassurance.

JMO.

P.S. Sorry if some of what I write is a little incoherent, lol, I've been fighting a migraine on and off for the last 2 days, and after re-reading some of what I write, it seems like it sounded better in my head.

I'm going through it myself sooo I have no answers except that she is an adult and I ca'nt make her choices for her.I remain in contact through cards and such to show I still love her but what else can you do ?It hurts as much as what her mother did but unfortunately she is showing signs of being the same way.She walked on her husband and kids too.Sorry Bro.

Thanks Indigo.Not much I can do I still have my son and grandkids so life goes on !

I don't understand women who keep their children from their fathers..if that is the case. It's very selfish to even attempt taking that from them.
Obviously we don't have all the facts here..
My boys grew up without a dad and now they just don't care..or so they say, I know they care...how could they not.
Many, many times I had wished over the years that he would have interaction with the boys, for their sake. I was always open to putting my feelings aside for the benefit of my boys..it never happened. My boys will have abandonment issues that they will have to confront some day...

Sadly, many just don't realize it's not really the other person
they're hurting, it's the children. Even if it's not something
conscious or malicious, the separation and lack of "connection"
will still affect them, it doesn't matter how the adults feel about each other, they should BOTH make every effort, constantly and CONSISTENTLY, to make sure that they feel loved, wanted, and important...no matter what happens. What we can't control is that they are going to feel a certain amount of insecurity and loss, what we can is to make them feel safe in knowing they can count on both parents, and hopefully others for support and compassion if they need help dealing with any issues that come up.

I do'nt know if the op left this one to hang or not It was'nt about me I just wanted him to know he's not alone .Just do'nt have the answer he might want to hear.The days of the family are numbered unless people get they're ego's and selfishness in check.

My mother in law told me some thing that has stuck in my mined. "Twenty somethings are just two year olds on steroids." Sometimes the most advantageous thing is to just step back and let them assert their freedom. Send cards or at least leave the door open but don't push. They will come around when they are ready.

It is possible they are just immersed in their own lives and doing fine. Probably more considered about their own relationships with peers. Maybe even getting pressure from peers to be autonomous from parents. Frequently colleges, military, and schools encourage that both subtlely and not so subtley.

Maybe they are sorting out the relationship with the other parent which divorced parents have to know is going to happen sooner or later. The less defensive you become about it the better.

Empty nest syndrom is very hard on primary care givers wheather Moms or Dads. Look for peer support and hang in there. With time it does get easier. Keep in mind when you are used to your privacy and independence is usually when they come back into your life in a big way.

Good Luck!

That about says it all: "what else can you do?"

The answer is nothing. You are doing about all you can. Just don't stop doing those things. Eventually they may find their way back. This is a somewhat common phenomenon, unfortunately.

Just never stop showing the love as a dad!!!

Well Lewis thats true to a degreeas I said I think the family unit is a dying thing unless we take the bull by the horns and reverse course on a lot of issues,That being said there are also different degrees of separation ,in my case it is not an age related thing She is or soon was married with children of her own,I have no answers for where her anger comes from .But I have related how I feel about her despite her actions and from there it is all up to her !The hardest part is to not slip down that slippery slope of depression and pity that her mother caused I wo'nt go there ever again !

my kid hasnt seen her dad for 11years. he dont write or call. he moved to another state. and has a new faimly.and 3 new kids. it hurts my kid more then he will ever know. i ask him years ago to at lease show some sort of love torse her. he hasnt. jerk

you have a long wait. mothers,just by babbling and manipulation alienate kids. been waiting to see mine for 20 years now

I am so sorry. A big hug out to you!

So whats the difference between estranged children and strange children?