The old fear of being normal is coming back. Issues that I thought I had with the opposite sex were either inheriently male or female based I find are really just human traits. It used to be I thought a woman was just being *****y was just a characteristic of a woman's nature. But then I have seen men who are just *****y so I have had to account for new variables. Working in a mostly female environment has turned my whole world upside down and again I have had to start over from scratch with many of my theories. Just the other day I thought this woman was just being *****y and another woman agreed with me that she thought the other woman was just being *****y, too. She agreed with me that she thought this man was being *****y, too. Hmmm, there must be something that I am missing. I am thinking of just erasing the whole blackboard and just say screw it. I will never figure it all out. Too many variables and too many unknowns.

After talking to many women about not being able to figure it all out I have had the pleasure of getting hugs. I have come to the conclusion that there is hope for ignorant people. Even though I can't prove that ignorance is bliss because of what you don't know can hurt you I have found that ignorance may be tolerable with the right kind of friends. I think if I can study ignorance in greater detail and under laboratory conditions that I might be able to get to the root of ignorance where I can understand it better.

I pretty much got no friends on this site at all basically. I spend tons of time alone. Truth is...we humans aren't meant to be alone...when someone acts up in prison...they don't beat the crap out of them and feed them to the wolves....they throw them in the hole...complete solitude..and away from everyone and everything..this drives them nuts...

How I came to terms with my life though...is that I am brutally honest with myself, as well as others...when things go wrong in a persons life...they get that pat on the shoulder..and get the generic "phrase" people throw around when they don't know what else to say...the gesture is there though, and the intentions may be real passionate..but...a person can only hear that so often...I came to realize that the truth is, there isn't a happy ending for everyone, not everyone finds someone in life, some people end up alone...but some how or some way...they deal with it and come to terms...Life is supposed to be an experience worthy enough to smile upon on the day of your last breathe here before passing...as long as you can manage that...you'll know deep down inside..you didn't do so bad after all..

We all have different types of problems, with different types of complex characteristics...but we all understand the feeling...that feeling of someone yelling for help inside, yearning for someone to just hear them out.

If you don't exist to the world, then why should the world exist to you? when I noticed I'm being judged, by people who don't even know me, don't even see me for who I really am, thats the saying I've made up to follow. I've deactivated my account so many times already, it aint even funny, yet I still end up coming back..

yea sure, this post might make people think I'm weird...but if you really think about it...people who post this type of stuff...what you find out...is the incredible depth of that person. No matter if in those depths lies sorrows, the depth is there. I've always thought it was significant in another person...it shows that they bleed just as I do.

"A wise man speaks because he has something to say, a fool speaks because he has to say something"

just remember that the next time an idiot bugs you in a thread creationsfire

I believe, that the most valuable thing a human has to offer, is time itself. Time, once given, is something you can never get back, not even in the smallest increment. Thanx to anyone who took the time to read what I've written, its helped me knowing someone read, hope its done some good.


...the most beautiful and ugly thing in life...is uncertainty itself...that is the single most reason, humans live and carry on while struggling in the darkness. You never know, when the light may touch the surface at any given moment..

~here goes nothing...

::click::

Ahalo - you have been on here since February but you just started posting. It takes people a little bit to get to know you. You need to start posting some in the threads so we get to know you and you will make friends. There are a lot of good people on this site, and a lot of us battle our own demons. I have read your postings, and I am sorry you are feeling so alone. If you were more visible, I know you would make some friends. I hope to see you around more on the threads. You are obviously intelligent and I hope you will reach out to others on here and make some friends. Take care.

i friggen give up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

men are lying assholes..(ok not all of them.. just the ones i EVER meet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

how can they be so heartless/???????

Izzie - I am sorry to hear that. Not all the guys are like that. But there are a bunch out there you have to be careful of. I am sorry you got hurt. I hope things get better for you soon. Take care.

for a long time i was very very depressed. i been thru alot of stuff esp two years ago. in june of 2007 i got my divorce... in july i lost my fiance to a drug over dose. in aug. i went thru hurricane. yes in three months hell i was so low with my self. i wanted to join her. but i realized. i picked out her coffin. (forgive the spelling). i was the one the who saw her body go in the ground. and i couldnt sallow the pills she took. i broke down picked up the phone and found a therpist. sucide is not the answer. if need help please get it. talk to anyone a friend hell even cats. u be surprised what those aniamls can do for you lol. cant find anyone email me thru here.

Ahalo, you are heard. Thanks for writing again. I'm glad that you decided to :click:
You have some wise and profound things to say and feel what you write. Keep it up. You are not strange to me and like Marie said, start posting in the forums in any one of them that suits you.

If this is the only one, thats ok. I'll be reading. I like what you have to say and although I have started college again, I do come through here and read and write when I can.

The ocean is deep and dark but holds most of the life on this planet down where no one else can go. I am like that sometimes. Dark, cold and feeling alone, then the neon spark of life comes when I see what life and people can offer.

I know sometimes what others say or do sounds generic. Trust me. Gonna be 40 in September. I;ve heard it, but also try to realize how important they are.

I believe what you have to say, a lot of people can relate to. Please keep clicking!

Izzy, I'm sorry. I agree with marie. They are not all like that even when it seems they are. I know your frustration. Hang in there girl!

cajun, wow. That is so much pain to have to go through. You are obviously a very strong person to have made that choice to call someone. And yeah, little dogs and parrots are great listeners too Thankyou for your offer of help and I hope others will take solice in that and your experience.

You make some good points, Creationsfire. Stone walls and iron bars does not a prison make. Helping others who are less fortunate has really helped me. It is wonderful to pull one from the abyss. I was helping this resident who just lays on her couch clapping her hands but never speaking. She just stares into the abyss. I asked her if she would like to sit up. It was the first time I heard her speak since I have been there. She asked me if I wanted a hug. I said yes. She gave me a hug then sat back down staring into the abyss. The abyss to me is when people just zone out and give up on humanity.

my biggest problem right now is i cant see the light at the end of the tunnel. everything i do whether it be job or relationship wise just seams to end up biting me in the rear. ive been praying alot and its been helping my attitude but i wish something big would happen soon cause im scared it wont and i might hurt myself.

thanks creations... and classyjeff... i too se the light. far as dating goes. every day at work it seems to get worse. but i look at like this.. what could go wrong they fire me lol . i can always find another job. sure it might suck for a while but never know what door may open next and yes its is scarey.
now dating lol well i am going very very very slow ...

just keep those legs churning and take it one day at a time.

i just want things to go good for me. it took me a little longer than expected to find my path and it just seams now that everything i do just pulls me in deeper into not where i want to be and im afarid i will never be where i want to be

try not to worry bout it. i know that sounds dumb but if you concentrate on today and trying to do what you need to do hopefully you will put yourself in a position to be successful.

you don't have control over life so it's really kinda outta your hands. just be the best you can be at the moment.

try to find some pleasure in knowing that you are doing the right things. when you have issues sometimes it's better to measure success in smaller increments.

Cajun -you really have been through a lot in the last couple of years, but you did the right thing in reaching out for help. I am glad you are turning things around and did not hurt yourself. And, taking it slow is the right way to do it. There are a lot of good people on here, and go into the forums so they can get to know you and you will make friends and will find a great support system on here too.

King - I like your advice, I am a worrier and I like what you said about concentrating on today. As always, good advice.

Jeff - Keep working toward your goals, and take King's advice to heart. Have you ever tried volunteering in a nursing home or some place where they could use the help. Those elderly people really enjoy the company and gives you a chance to get out and meet some people and make some new friends. Would be like having some new grandmas and grandpas. My dad is in a nursing home and I see them when I go to visit him and they are really sweet people and they love to visit. Just a thought, would give you someone to visit with. And they are always happy to see you. Just a thought.

thanks marie made a few already. hope to make more ...

Glad to hear it Cajun. There are really awesome people on here. They will really help you through the hard times. My middle brother died unexpectedly in June, and my friends on here really helped me make it through the funeral and all. Don't know how I would have done it without them.

The best way to meet people is to get out in the forums and they will get to know you that way and you will attract friends that way. Sometimes we have silly forums going and of course serious ones, just pick whichever ones suit you and post to them.

By the way, welcome to the site.

In 15 days I will be 24years old . The closer the day gets the worse I feel . I feel as though I am sinking and there isn't anything or anyone able to save me . I feel like I am no longer able to save myself or I just no longer have the want to save myself . My life is so dissapointing . I have nothing to show for my 24years on this planet . I am not only dissapointed in myself but in those around me . My Mother is always ready to shoot me down , with a roll of her eyes any time I ask for an opinion or advice . I feel like nothing is ever good enough and it never will be . There are so many things I hoped to acheive by now and I have not found the strength within myself to even reach for them . Everyday I think it would be better to stop this slow descent instead of just riding it out . I feel like im going insane .

Hey All,

I just wanted to say that I've been reading your posts and I've been thinking about you often. I'm glad you're sharing and posting your feelings and experiences on here.

I've posted this before in the quotes forum, but I'll post it again here. It helps to remind me to love my own dark moments. Hang in there, ok? And just take things one day at a time.


Have Patience…

…Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language.
Don’t search for the answers which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them and the point is to live everything.
Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

- Rilke