I have been emailing back and forth with someone that I met here,(No Names out of respect for her, if she wants to reveal, then she can)
and last night we had our first phone chat, we talked for an hour or so then we got off of the phone. 20 minutes later she called me back and ask if we could chat some more. I was very moved by this. Today I got another email from her telling me that she enjoyed our talk and wants to talk more and get to know each other more and I agree, I am fascinated with her too.

Here is my problem, a couple of people who are just friends, got upset because I am not interested in being single while I am working on getting to know this other lady.
I think it is unfair to spend time trying to get to know someone and continuing to play as if your still available. These friends never showed any signs of being interested in me as far as dating, but when out of excitement I tell them I am interested in someone and we are talking and getting to know each other, they get upset and tell me, "You are still single, just because you are trying to get to know each other doesn't mean you cant still play the game". I disagree, I think I need to focus on her, as she is focusing on me as well.

Whats your take on this? Am I out of line in thinking that I don't need to be exposing myself as single when I am working on something with someone else. We haven't met yet, she lives very far away, but we are interested in each other and we are fondly talking to each other. My profile clearly states that I want plenty of friends, but only one lover. So why is it so hard for anyone else to understand that they are friends but she is someone I am connecting with on a different level?

you have to go with your heart on this if you feel she could be the one than i say go for it and if these other people are really your friends they will be happy for you not mad at you ...so good luck

You seem to know what you want,follow your heart

I'm with you John......spending the time to get to know that person without interruption from "the game" is a morally sound way to go. It shows respect and tells a lot about you as a person. Doesn't mean you have to profess your undying love to her, just means you respect her enough to not be chatting up other women while you two are deciding if you want to take it further. Bravo to you!

Thank You, I want to keep my friends here and have fun, but it isnt fair to her or myself for that matter. SOOOO.. Im going to change my profile as to not confuse anyone into thinking Im AVAILABLE.

The only thing I would caution about is being too public about your "situation" on the forums. It's been known to cause a few problems for people that could have been avoided. Simply stating something on your profile about the fact you are getting to know someone should suffice. Sounds like she's a lucky woman. Good luck to the both of you!

We can still play

Whatever John, I respect you for going with your gut, and doing what feels comfortable.


I date, and see many at one time, but if it comes to intimacy, or sex, I cut it down to one person, and give them that respect.


Im very confident, and open though with my partner.


If someone wants me to be exclusive, or give them a chance at a ltr, then it takes consideration, and lots of time.


You know whats right for you.

It would only be a concern that you dont put all of you into the relationship, and keep a safe distance before I love yous, and major commitments, that could cause you upset, and frustration from a distance, OR ya know, not realy knowing the person well, cos you havent spent time in person.

Ya dont know if you will have that important attraction, or chemistry in person.

I speak on this from LOTS of experience with internet relationships.

Good luck.

Very good point, I edited some stuff out of the last post, thanks for pointing that out.

Yes Mirror, we can still play, just no more monkey business. LOL

Thank You, and I am very much taking your advice to heart.
I do have plans of relocating to the area she lives, but that was decided before I knew she existed, and it is for my job.

I respect your honesty in how you handle your relationships, thats very admirable. Thanks for your input,
I still think your a sweetie...

You can be very fair and give every one the fair chance of getting to know you well. Then you have treated all of them very equally
Lucky devil

if u haven't met then u ARE single!

LOL, no I dont have them lined up around the block, these are two friends that I think is just worried that she is the one that is taking me away and not my job.

That may be true, Fifer.

But there are some people who try to concentrate on one person at a time.

hmmm, i never felt that way and it was a few months of talking before robin and i were able to actually meet in real life.

he captured my attention to the extent though that no other guy had a chance anyway, so why bother with dating elsewhere?

to me, that's the key; whether she has enough of your interest and attention to classify yourself as being in the beginnings of a relationship.

granted (i concentrate on none!) but an awful lot of ppl seem to get all luved up just talking to someone - SLOW DOWN

Oh no Doubt, I am still very single, but I don't want to get to know her, and her, and her, and her, and her. Its not fair, its very misleading and that's what players do.

I agree. It's relatively easy to develop feelings for someone from phone conversations, emails and the like.

Love, however, only really happens when there is face to face, in person contact.

u said it better