Hi everyone. I figured I'd post this here and get some feedback because I know that there are a few people that have some sort of experience with this. I have a friend of mine that is in a very controling marriage. I am not sure if she is being physically abused or not but I do know that she has been emotionally abused because I've been seen it first hand. Her husband even went as far as to confide in me that he'd end up killing her if she tried to leave him especially if it were for someone else. So any advice would be greatly appreciated as I am not really sure what to do.

Go straight to the police. I am serious!

ditto ... on the police!

I have had friends tell me things like that before too

You can't do anything, she has to. I would provide her with information on abusers and abusive relationships if you can without putting her in danger and she will have the choice to read or disregard.

She has to make the move. You have to wait and be available if she makes the move.

Yes, I have had buddies act this way. Tell your friend that he does not own her,but it will do no good. Guys like him usually end up doing time in jail for acting stupid when his abusive marriage ends

I totally agree go to the police and inform them what he told you.

As for the threat to kill her, if it is provable, you can call the police but if she continues to see him after, you will have made it worse for her.

When she makes the move to leave that is when you can help her until then you have to wait.

He CAN do something because it was said to him by her husband. NOT considered heresay.
I was in an abusive relationship.
Wish more people would have stood up for me!

Since you did hear that threat from his mouth...it is not considered 3rd party info...however, many times these women will not admit to the abuse & if cops are called in & there's no sign of physical abuse or she won't file charges...the situation could get even worse after the cops leave.

Do YOU have a plan to help her out? For example...would you be willing to take her to a shelter or other safe place? Unfortunately, the cop's hands are tied unless SHE make the complaint...

His "help" will only be helpful if she is trying to leave him. It will make things worse for her if the abuser gets wind that someone is trying to help her and she is not ready to leave yet.

I also have been in an abusive relationship.


Abusers will close her off from others if he feels threatened by them. He will isolate her.



At least right now she has contact with the outside world.

It is also important to establish a pattern of behaviour...no?

I am not in the US so making an assumption here

That I totally agree with. But maybe she is too scared too leave and wants someone to help and push it along. It is tough when you love/hate someone to have a mind clear enough on what to do.



I do think it needs to be reported. That way if anything ever does happen, then at least that is on record..

I have seen so many dudes act like this over the years Its their pride They dont realize that you can't own someone else

Get a way to get her out of there or this will happen to her

Bruised eye
Broken nose
She asks God why
Because no one else knows

He was a gentleman at first
when they began dating
For better or worse
Then came the forbading

No more having fun
No more looking again
No more seeing family some
or chatting with friends

He stepped in the house
He came home tonight
The truth hit im like could water being doused
Something was not right

He knew she didn't leave
Her coat and boots were there
She left her pocketbook and key
Near the stairs

In a jealous rage
He made her no more
when she told him the house was a cage
and he asked her what was he fighting for

He went up stairs
to the childrens room
He knew it was empty and almost bare
it was painted baby blue

No more cookouts at the park
No more hugs
No more kisses in the dark
Or bedtime stories about bedbugs

He stared at the room that looked the same
His head began to whirl
He wasn't quite sane
when he killed his little boy and girl

The neighbors turned a blind eye
to what had happened there
they heard the screams and his lies
They turned there heads and preteneded not to care

They say he disappeared
after what happened here
But at night you hear whispers
and know they are still there

He can also keep in his mind that this happened and when she decides to leave he can be a witness for her.

Sadly even with the new stalking laws these men sometimes kill these women after all the authorities can do for them.

Agravating him before there is a plan is not a good plan.

i have been in a abusive relationship lucky it was only a short relationship, the day he was arrested he had called me from the jail, where i had to call for them to put a block on the phone so he couldnt call.

i was in another relationship that was verbale its just he didnt see it that way, but everone else did. he was a big teddy bear and had a good heart. he died almost 3yrs ago i have a mp3 that he made for me and i listen to it still every so often


when my daughter was still dating her soon to be ex hubby
my 2 oldest grandkids were little and they had company over and one was his cousin,she was talking to him and her hubby(bf at the time accused her on flirting with him, and he beat her up and gave her a black eye.my daughter knew better for she took a class on this sort of thing.
i never knew about it, my mom told me she saw the make up cover up

Sad part about it all unless she is willing to leave and get out of the situation no matter what someone says to the police if in fact she does not back up your story who are they going to believe.

In the end he will turn against you then you will not be there to help her out. Myself I say talk to her first give her the option to get out and help her get out. She will have to want to follow through and get out of where she is.

I have never been in that type of situation but have talked to many that have and even after they did get out they all basically told me the same thing. No matter who tried to tell them to get out it did not happen till they realized they had too.

Has she expressed that she wants to leave him? That needs to be established before anything gets done.

If she is not ready to leave him for good, forever. Then anything anyone does will just make the situation worse for her.

Now if you had seen or heard him beating on her, then call the cops by all means but make sure he does not think she told you about the abuse.

Be aware, if homeboy is telling you this, he probably suspects you. Wierdos are like that.