Lois Griffin: Peter, I saw a really good deal on a used car in this
newspaper.
Peter Griffin: Oh no. I knew a guy who bought a used car through a
newspaper. Ten years later, BAM! Herpes.

WTF?

(Stewie takes a candy bar from the counter and eats it.)
Clerk: Whoa, little guy. You gotta pay for tha!
Stewie: Go suck a rail road spike, I haven't got any money!

[Stewie is resting while Brian is licking his crotch]
Stewie Griffin: Urgh, what the hell do you think you are doing?
Brian Griffin: I'm cleaning myself.
Stewie Griffin: You were clean fifteen minutes ago, now you're just on
vacation!

Stewie: Those jugs are mine until all the milk dries up. Then you can
have the remains!

[while Peter is changing Stewie]
Stewie: No, you idiot. That's not baby powder, that's paprika. Ahhhhhh.
Take that.

Stewie: Excellent, the mind control device is nearing completion!
Lois: Stewie, no toys at the table. (Takes mind control device.)
Stewie: Damn you vile woman! You've impeded my work since the day I
escaped from your wretched womb.
Lois: Don't pout now sweetie, when you were born the doctor told us you
were the happiest newborn he'd ever delivered.
Stewie: But of course. That was my victory day! The fruition of my
deeply laid plans to escape from that cursed ovarion bastille! Return
the device woman!
Lois: No toys, Stewie.
Stewie: Very well then. But mark my words, when you least expect it,
your uppance shall come.

I LOVE THIS ONE !!!!!!!!


Peter Griffin: Lois, I can't find my favorite pair of underwear.
Lois: Which one? The one where you ripped hole in it from when you got
stuck in that airplane bathroom from when you got the trots?
Peter Griffin: No, I'm looking for the pair from when I had to hold it
in because it was that extra long Palm Sunday service and I thought
blowing gas would offend Jesus so I let it rip in the vestibule after
service and it sounded like Louie Armstrong.
Lois Griffin: Top drawer.

10pgs and still going strong huh?

now read it all Chris LMAO

Stewie: Here is a condom but use it wisely.
(flash to couple moaning while having sex in car)
(Stewie enters car and takes condom)
Guy: Hey what are you doing!!
Girl: Come back with that!!
Guy: Where were we?
(couple contiues to have sex)
Guy: hey this is much better!!!

I haven't that much time
Or coffee
LMAO
YOu two crack me up

LMAO

Meg: I cant believe my stupid parents are going to spend five stupid
days following stupid Kiss on tour. That's painful.
Peter Griffin: Not as painful as a tire iron upside your head.
Meg: What?
Peter Griffin: Nothing.

Stewie: You know, it is so fashionable to take a shot at Jay Leno. Look,
the fact is the man is out there every bloody night with fresh material
and he's charming.

Stewie Griffin: OK, Rupert, what do you think of our Mad Lib?
[clears throat]
Stewie Griffin: [reading] Cinderella had two step-'watermelons', who
were very 'smelly' to her. So her fair god'toilet' turned her pumpkin
into a big 'fanny', and sent her off to the 'poop'.
[short laugh]
Stewie Griffin: Oh, how ruthlessly absurd.

Stewie: Machiavelli! You've told me nothing I don’t already know! Ah Sun
Zhu's The Art of War.
Lois: Stewie, those books aren’t for babies. Here. Watch the
Teletubbies.
Stewie: How dare you! That book may hold the key to my enslaving of all
mankind.

YOu two have fun

I am outta here
Don't cause to much trouble now


LMAO

Look who I am talking to!!!!!!!!!

LMFAO

Well have fun anyway

Til tomorrow

bye bye Chris...take care



Brian Griffin: My therapist thinks I'm in love.
Peter Griffin: Holy Crap! You can talk!

Stewie: Why you toddering, fen-sucked dewberry! I'm going to go find
something to strike you with! Excuse me.

Bye Chris

Louis: Aww, look! Stewie drew a picture for his mommy!
Clevland: Show us the picture.
Stewie: No, no, no nothing to see here. (Lois shows the picture.)
Man 1: Oh, it's a time machine!
Stewie: No, it's a...blast what do kids draw these days? Uh...
Man 2: Why, of course it is! Here's where the flux capacitor goes.
Man 3: Yeah, I can't wait to build one of these myself!

Peter Griffin: They look at me and see a loser. Except that guy with the
lazy eye... He sees a loser and a snack machine.