So I'm getting the consensus that:

A. If you were in her shoes, you wouldn't want to know

and

B. I should just let it go and let her find out on her own, just for my own sanity.

any azzhole that wants to hide the fact that they are "supposed" to be a father in my book is not worth my time... nor anyones for that matter....hope that you at least get financial support, but as far as telling her its a waste of your time.. does nothing for no one.. it will not make him become involved with "YOUR CHILD"

This is a really difficult question. Primarily, your beef should be with him. Will you be able to stay in a parenting relationship with someone who would not own up to being your child's father? Are there other feelings involved besides just parenting? Any leftover jealousy or romantic feelings for him? If so, you need to discuss it with him and resolve those feelings. It may take some time. I know how much this must hurt. I had something similar happen to me.

I would definitely want to know, but maybe she doesn't. Who can tell.

I would not collude with him to hide it from her or anyone else. I'd be very open about it as I went about my own life. I would have confronted him and given him a piece of my mind. I might correct him publicly if he lied in front of me or in the same circles we might happen to move in.

No, I might not tell her directly, but I would be very transparent about it to the world in general. You have nothing to hide and no shame to bear. Hold your head high and be proud of the little life you brought into this world. It deserves to be loved, validated, and cherished. It deserves to be known for the joy it brings you.

If I were her, I would know. If not right away, then soon enough. It's impossible to hide a child for very long. Besides, from what she wrote on her myspace, it sounds like she's got him figured out anyway.

Take care of you and your baby. That's what is important.

She will find out, why bother yourself with when she finds out, or be the one to share this info with her?

Interesting that your handle here includes the word "gossip", isn't it.

As to your question or vent. ....It has its merits. However, some need to "vent" in other ways. To each their own. ~shrug~

If the child is born while he is married to this lady, unless he signs the birth certificate, our OP will have to prove this guy is the father.

If the child is born after his divorce, the OP will still have to prove he is the father, unless he signs the birth certificate.

Both are true.

Yeah, that is true....you're so smaht, Fran!!!! I guess I understand why OP is upset... but it just sounds like such a bad situation all around.

Whatever you can do to avoid stress and drama... DO THAT!!

No Lilith, you are so smaht!!!

Maybe one day I'll understand people and their actions. Until then

Well, I guess I should just let it go.

One of my favorite sayings is "The more you stir the pot, the more it's gonna stink!".

She'll find out sooner or later, and if she doesn't then either way it really doesn't effect me in any way.

As for paternity, whether he acknowledges it when the baby is born, or if it is done by DNA testing, it will be proven that he is the father. But if he wants to waste time and put out extra money to prove it, then so be it. That's on him.

He sounds like a real tool.

Right on. She'll find out when he gets the summons. Op does not need that piece of rubbish of a guy except for financial support for the yung'n. He sounds like a piece o' sh!t.

Maybe I'm missing something...it does happen. BUT...why tell it? That is between you and him. Seems it's none of her business.

First of all sure I would want to know but you should not be the one to tell her at all.

Actually when my ex and I had separated the one he was seeing became pregnant but... he had the balls to come tell me before I found out myself.

So I called the Lawyer that day and started the divorce proceeding.

And second when you have the baby and file for child support if he has not told her by then. Well lets just say he will wish he had for she will most likely give him the boot and it want be a mild one.

That is what they mean by Karma!!!

Why do something that will take it's course anyway with a bigger kick!! JMO

Your first responsibility is to the child. What kind of father material is this two-timing, lying, cheating jerk? Oh, well, there, I answered my own question. So, with that in mind, I'd forget the jerk and I wouldn't take his money either. I wouldn't want to have anything to do with him and wouldn't want him to have anything to do with my child.

I can say this honestly because I went thru a similar situation with my ex-husband. We separated when I got pregnant. He claimed he didn't want anything to do with our child, but I worried that one day he'd change his mind and try to get full-custody of him. When we got a divorce, I did NOT sue him for child support. I didn't think he'd be a good role model or a good influence on my son at that time. So he wanted out free and clear and I wanted all rights to my son. That was 22 years ago. When my son was 18, he located his father and had minor contact with him and formulated his own opinion. They never did bond.

I raised my son alone on a secretary's salary. We didn't have everything we wanted, but we had what we needed. If you can make it without this jerk's money, you and the child will be better off without him. Think about what is the best interest of your child in the long run.

As for telling the wife, she probably knows more than he thinks she does. In fact, that's more than likely the reason for the divorce--trust issues.

See, child support and visitation are not connected. The child has a right to that money.