there is nothing for you to fix

if he's the one with the problem, he has to seek out a solution, not you.

Kiena.....It is wonderful to support your man, but this line of thinking is skewed. No matter if his job is more physical than yours, you both have to put energy into the relationship and into your household. You've already told us that you have everything in your name, you do everything around the house and you've given up all your friends. If a friend was telling you this story would it sound reasonable to you?

Think what your advice would be to them, and start making some decisions TODAY. If nothing other than getting some friends back and getting your mind off of him for a bit, at least you'll be starting to get away from basing your life solely on another person. Maybe he needs some time to himself as well. The most successful couples I have known have interests of their own and together, share their duties and still support each other.

IMO, you are way too young to be setting up house and giving up other parts of your life. I'm not saying he asked this of you, maybe you did this all on your own. But it can't be healthy in the long run. His depression is his to figure out, you can only be a support system. You also deserve to be treated as an equal.

Good luck hun and keep your chin up.

Cheating?

If you love each other seek counselling for him or both of you, relationships will often go through tough times & both of you need to work at it......and tossing someone aside is not something that I would suggest.

I am 35 going on 36 and I still dream big. In everything we can find a way. You mentioned he is a roofer. Times are tough for everybody in construction right now, that could be something heavy on his mind as well.

If you really do want to marry this guy, keep this thing together and do whatever you have to do. I guess I'm biased, I never give up on something I want or love.

Try to stay strong and make healthy decisions. You both have alot more opportunity in life than you might think.

It is quite possible that the reason he is depressed and withdrawn from you is the very fact that you are doing so much for him.

We men have an inherent need within us to feel and to actually be needed.

In the book, Wild At Heart, John Eldridge points out three things or characteristics if you will, that men not only desire, but physical, emotionally, and spiritually need.

They are:

An Adventure to Live
A Battle to Fight
A Beauty to Rescue

While I do not agree with everything that was written by the author, I would say, based on my own experience, that these three core needs of a man do indeed ring true.

So, could it be that he is not feeling needed in this relationship? Are you waiting on him hand and foot? Are you more than capable of running your own life and really don’t need him?

Perhaps you should consider just backing off a bit. Rather than constantly doing, try to learn how to receive. Let him be the one to take the lead once in a while. Allow him to feel like the life he has with you is truly an adventure. Let him be the mighty warrior occasionally. Give him the pleasure of being able to rescue you, even if that exists even in his own mind.

I think you will soon see that depression do a 180 degree turn and his love for you will go through the roof!

Michael

Have not looked at your Profile so I have no idea what region you guys are in, but the weather is turning nice again. Your best bet is to drag him out of the house kicking and screaming, go somewhere and have picnic, walk, fish, ANYthing outside. Do not talk about the depression, hell don't even acknowledge it while the two of you are out of the house.

I was married to a manic-depressive, the best thing when she fell into the lows was get her out of the house at least for a day. She has learned to do that since we've been apart and it still helps her. leave early in the morning(as work allows) and return later in the evening.

good luck, don't give up

maybe he got you on the backburner and is thinkin about the mistress

I suggest, with all of my heart, that you do less for him. You're doing all of work in the relationship. He needs to be in control of some things. You're losing some of yourself, IMO. This will help not somebody if there's depression. It's pressuring him/suffocating him. Crying? That's a guilt trip for him, IMO, and will make him feel worse.

You can't "fix" him. Take care of yourself.

thanks...

How long have you been with him?

maybe just leave him alone and see if he comes out of this behavior.

Another quick word of advice........do whatever it takes to go back to school. And I mean whatever it takes.

I have been with him for a year and a month....

If it's affecting you that much, you are probably becoming co-dependent. Please take care of yourself.

i wasn't tryin to be negative,

i was being real, they are so often confused,because they are so closely linked,

I'm sorry...it's just that if he was cheating, it would kill me....I have never cheated on anyone in my life....if I was not good enough and he needed to have somebody else to make up for me.....ugh....I have had a few boyfriends cheat in the past....worst feeling in the world...

THIS IS NOT NOT NOT NOT your fault.

This actually has so very little to do with you.

You can't fix it no matter how hard you try or what you do. It's not at all about you.
You did not cause it, you can not fix it.


Period.

I think u have to work ok self esteem

Are you still in college?