No I am separated and I know what I have done wrong in my ships, also sometimes the ones you are with don't allow you to grow either emo,spirit, or fian, so this would be your time to rise and shine(grow)

Keep my mouth shut? Go for the gusto and shut myself off???????????????? I can't. I wish I knew how to fix me.

We're not all we're cracked up to be either.

Geez, don't be a jerk here. The point I believe that folks are trying to get across is that you made a choice to be in that relationship. Therefor you are certainly responsible, to a point, for the way the relationship played out. Nobody is intentionally belittling you or your circumstances. So, no need for the biting sarcasm.

Tell ya what. Find yourself an unmedicated Bi Polar. Wind up with her living with you. Then tell her that you want her to leave. Just watch what happens.

Oh!! And remember....because of the laws that have been put in place, she can pretty much do whatever she wants. She can just leave a couple of marks on herself and tell the cops that YOU did it and off to jail you'll go.

Until you've been there..you have NO idea.

You're not alone, pal.
Knowing that a relationship is wrecking is a lot different than looking back and understanding how each person contributed/failed.
That sucks. It really does. But I don't know any person who hasn't suffered from hindsight.

I don't know.

Maybe it is impossible to change ourselves when we are inside of a relationship. (Does that make the sense that I wanted it to make?)
But, afterwards, looking back, we can see and then decide to change how we are, but we couldn't do it while the relationship was failing.

Sorry. Sarcasm is what I do.

People can say whatever they want. Until they have been IN any given situation, they are mostly just blowing smoke.

Yeah...I made the choice. Did I know she was Bi polar...nope. She never mentioned it and did a very good job of staying level when I was around.

I only realized it once she had moved in.

No, you're not alone. Took me a while to get to this point though. It was so much easier to put all the blame on him. I realize nowadays that attitude wasn't healthy...and it wasn't fair to him. I was as much to blame.

LOL!!! I was in that exact same situation! Here's what you do. Hide a camera... and when she acts up again, you totally have proof. As soon as I showed that to the cops, they took her away kicking, and screaming. I pressed charges... and she actually wound up in an in-patient psychiatric hospital. Not to mention... She wasn't allowed anywhere near me again. So... OH YES! I totally have every idea what you're talking about.

I have been in that situation. Shoot, I've even worked a medical website for over a year now as a counselor to people with BP. I have a step-sis who is diagnosed with it and a brother-in-law too. Would you like any further credentials?

Ah. So you HAVE experienced it. I withdraw my sarcasm.

I wish I had thought of the camera idea.

I would have to say, in this case, (these cases), is really is ALL ABOUT YOU!!! You are DEAD ON!!! Although there is an onus on each of us, culpability really falls on you. You are very correct and way too mature for those who consistently choose to look everywhere but within.

nope not true at all! nor have i had many women its been since 1989 since i was with anyone else i dont get what your talking about? If your talking about now i havent got passed the screening stage and i cant help to introduce myself so i dont understand what your saying?

I'm not questioning your credentials. Never was.

I simply stated things as I see them. In my normal style. I don't and won't mince words.

maybe there are a few here who have been in the same situation I was. But for those who haven't, assuming or even thinking that you/me/whoever was at some kind of FAULT for what happened in the relationship is just absurd.

ROFL...I picked up several inexpensive cameras from Wal-mart a few years ago. It has really cut down on instances where the threatening behaviors of others are concerned.

boy that is true, at least for me!

Some time's, nobody is at fault. Different thing's are desired by both partie's.

Okay... In that case... It sounds like you're having confidence/trust issues yourself? The scariest thing is trying to trust again. That's just one reason I can think of why you've been single for 20 years now. For all I know.. Maybe you just like being single?

okay like fireman ted said "you got to pay attention!" i was in a realtionship for 20 years and not single, and since i started looking i have found a lot of bitterness and i wanted to point it out! I have no trust issues what so ever i have issues trust me but thats not one of them! Confidence isnt a problem if anything i have to tell myself to not be cocky and try to work at that. My opinion is you can not have a relationship fail unless its your fault to some degree, and dating i dont consider a realtionship. To be honest i think you need a little self reflection yourself!

I am not entirely sure that people were "assuming you were at fault". It seems to me that people were saying it takes two to have a relationship and therefore both parties are responsible for what happens inside that relationship. Surely, you can not honestly tell me that you were not responsible for your own relationship, can you?

I mean, do you believe that everything happens "to you" and that you control nothing in your relationship? Surely not, I have seen several of your posts and they imply you are conscious of the decisions/choices you are making.

I understand why you made the choices you made (to a certain degree) because I have the experience. I know it is not easy to be in that situation. But, I will always cowgirl up and take responsibility for my choices...even the ones that made me suffer terribly. Are you taking responsibility for your choices concerning that relationship? Or, are you choosing to blame her for everything?

Please keep in mind here, I'm not picking on you. I seriously don't know what you are thinking concerning the relationship so my questions are to enlighten me, not to make you feel badly in any way.