Yes, you did. But what you are failing to see, or address, or admit is that the man she married no longer exists.

Fair enough. Then tell me her options.

Why don't you ask her, she is still online. It is her spouse. I am just bringing up the details, the other side of the coin. The one the average person doesn't have to see every day.

luckily I don't have to worry about papersmile leaving me if I get brain damaged

I started out that way and she still loves me anyway

Easy to say what "YOU" would do, when the situation isn't real, FOR YOU.

I learned the hard way, Becareful what you say, might come back to bite you, where/when you least expect.

And I'm just mentioning wedding vows that apparently don't mean sh!t to many people anymore.

Try this: A man has an accident that leaves him either paralyzed from the waist down, or worse yet, an amputee. Aside from the fact that he obviously isn't as tall as he once was anymore, what makes him such a different person? He's still the guy you married.

Lilith, nice to see a more understanding opinion. there is always 'gray' in any situation. best to have all he facts before getting on your 'soap box' !

I NEVER SAID I WAS LEAVING HIM!WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOME OF YOU,YOU ACT LIKE IM DOING IT ALL IM DOING IS GETTING ADVICE NOT ALL YOUR NASTY REMARKS , I PRAY YOU NEVER EVER HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS IN YOUR LIFE,BUT IF AND WHEN YOU DO REMEMBER ME! HAVE YOU EVER IN YOUR LIFE DONE ANYTHING YOU WER'NT PROUD OF? LET ME TELL ONE SIN IS NO BIGGER THAN ANOTHER AND WE ARE ALL SINNERS LIKE IT OR NOT!!!THE PERSON WHO SAID I SHOULD HAVE TOLD THE WHOLE STORY IS RIGHT!WHEN YOU JUDGE OTHER PEOPLE AND SAY HURTFUL THINGS ITS NO WORSE TAN BIENG A CHEATER.MY VOWS MEAN ALOT TO ME YOU JUST DONT KNOW!!!MARRIED 20 YRS YES I LOVE HIM BUT ITS NOT HIM!!! DO YOU GET IT?

Here;


I don't know what I would do...

You have every right to yell!
I feel for ya!

When you ask opinions here, you will get many you won't like.
Yes, there are frustrated people on here that only care that others hurt as much as they do. No wonder they are still single and searching.
You might focus on the ones who are sensitive to your situation and ignore the self-righteous.

Whether anyone wants to believe it or not, that man is still inside. It may be an altered version of who he once was, but he's still there. All I'm saying is, you know what you're getting yourself into when you walk down that aisle. You're doing it willingly, and that includes the vows. If you're not up to the task, don't do it. There are options. If it's gotten to be too much for you to handle and you need out, then do the poor guy a favor and divorce him. He may be hurt enough by a divorce, but it sure beats the pain of knowing you went out behind his back simply because he could no longer satisfy your carnal urges. Give HIM a little peace of mind, even if he may not be aware of it.

Cheating is wrong. I am not here to judge you, nor will I, only God our creator can do that.

I will say seek counseling with him and try new ideas, positions, etc. If that doesn't work, then get a divorce and pursue what your asking our advice on.

i don't have any right to judge you... i have never been in your shoes...

but my friends mom was... she thought about cheating... but when it came down to it, she couldn't do it... because everytime she would try... she would catch glimpses of who her husband used to be... even if it was just a look he gave her... she knew he was in there somewhere...

i'm not here to make you feel bad.. but i feel for your husband more than i feel for you... thats harsh and i'm sorry...

Kudos. I feel the same way.

Sexual desires can wait.

I cant belive you just said that t thought you saidyou know what your doing when you walk down the asile,none of us know!i love him and he is a person with feelings i know that.I would never want to hurt him!!i guess some dont get what they havent lived best of luck ,hope you never have to deal!!

Unfortunately there will always be people out there who judge you. Take the opinions you've heard, take into consideration your religious beliefs, your morals, your sexual needs and the ability or inability your husband has or used to have. It is not black and white. There are so many variables in this.
Please don't let one sided minds get you down luv.
Try to think this through and make YOUR choice. It's nobody elses.

Hey melinie,don't let the tough answers you get back on your postings get to ya.Not everyone has gone through what you've had to deal with a spouses dibilitating injuries that leaves them less than they were

(Im just trying to learn not to take anyone's inventory) Isn't it hard not to make strong opinions about a topic when it touches so close to home with some of us on both sides of the coin?

And you know all this as FACT or OPINION.
Lady will have to work it out for HERSELF.
Passing judgement on the situation, is a right NONE of us has.
Speak your opinions, but "JUDGE NOT, least YOU be JUDGED."