I think cheating is cheating, regardless of under what circumstances. Either get a divorce, or be faithful to your husband. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

Why can't she? She still stays with him to give him the best care he can have....and perhaps pursues something outside of that for her. She DOES still love him. Divorce is just casting him aside and saying 'someone else can take care of you'. I think if she can't talk to him about it, then she should seriously consider something else. Extreme unhappiness is not healthy for anyone.

To each their own...

For me though, I could never cheat. The guilt would tear me apart.

And you know EXACTLY what you would do; because you have experienced all that she has.


RIGHT???????????????????????????????????????

Walk a mile in another's shoes, before judgeing.


Life is MUCH easier SAID than DONE.

God Bless you whichever way you choose and him too.

You may call it whatever you like. I call it Common Sense. Opinions were asked. I offered mine, yet it's apparently completely acceptable to judge ME for stating it. I already said I wasn't passing judgement, and she could do whatever she wanted to do. I just don't happen to agree with the majority. If that makes me a jerk, then so be it, but don't expect me to apologize.

Apology ... NO

Many of us men, state our opinions very strongly.
Just asking you to soften up a little.

Lady is new & needs some friends, to help carry the load.

*smiles*
what a sweet man

No sweetness, just alot of miles.

Thank God, I learned from them.
Paid a hell of a price.

Of course I haven't experienced what she is going through. But I take my wedding vows seriously. If she divorces him, at least she leaves him with a little bit of dignity.

20 years, shows a BUNCH of serious, to me.

Worth saying a second time.

Twenty years she's been married. NINE years she "hasn't had good sex", presumably because of what happened to her husband.

There's a difference.

Wow..just when you think you have it bad yourself, you realize things could be so much different. I really don't know what I would do if put in this situation, but I do know you cannot continue to live indefinitely in a high stress situation without compromising your own physical and mental health. I'm glad you chose to speak out, I think it will gain you some new friends. Compassion is never lacking around here and possibly you can at the very least find some great folks to talk to. Thank you for sharing your story, it was very brave of you to do so.

Sorry, but I think she either needs to make the decision of staying with him and remain faithful which means she'll have to sacrifice her own sexual desires, or give him up and leave him with the little bit of dignity that he has left.

You know what no matter what everyone says only one has to deal with the actions in the end. And that is the one making them.

I do very well see where Keith is coming from for myself I believe in the same way that he does. But....I also feel for the OP for I do not know what I would do if in fact I was in the same situation. I can sit here and say I would never in my life time cheat on my husband (if I had one) if something happen and the body he was in is left as only a shell instead of the person he actually is.

But ……..then how does anyone know that in fact he does not know what is happening but due to what has happened can not express himself and let her know that in fact he is still there deep down inside.

No matter what doctors even if they say there is no way he could know. Still no one really knows for sure.

I feel for both of them for what they have to deal with. But….. deep down I can not say it is right to in fact be with another person in the process.

But I will not judge her either for what her thoughts are and so far they are only thoughts for so far she has said it has not happened.

All I can honestly say is I hope deep down within you will find the answer that in fact you can live with and do what you feel in the end you must do to make things right.

but WHY does she have to make that choice? why not stay with him to continue caring for him?

Caring for the injured man she's married to, and going out and getting her rocks off with somebody else offers little consolation.

Fish or cut bait.

the lack of sex probably wouldn't bother me enough that i'd want to cheat.

but the lack of intimacy might. it'd be awfully hard to be in the same room as the man you're in love with, and not be able to gaze at each other while holding hands and cuddling.

Why can't she divorce him and still take care of him?