I have been told that women see being nice as a weakness in men. Women only respect jerks.
Your thoughts ladies please.

Don't know the reason why, but unfortunate ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,is like that .
Not all the woman's. Personal, I appreciate only the good guys.

I don't think it has anything to do with being "nice".

I'm dating a guy who terms himself a "nice" guy, he opens doors, even for strangers, always asks me what I want to do, listens to me when I speak, etc. He is a nice guy,

BUT

He also sometimes has NO personality of his own. He's so busy trying to please everyone else, I'm assuming because he feels he must for them to love him (we're working on this) and he loses himself in the process.

I think guys who think they're "nice" use this excuse, and women have no clue what they want.

Here's my list:

Leader, someone who can tell me what he wants, someone who will take what I want and then cooperate with me on a decision if we differ. Not someone who always ask, "What do you want to do." That isn't nice it's pure laziness and being afraid to disappoint. That is a turn off.

Kind to others, I don't care who they are, if u are downright rude to a stranger on the street for no reason, it is a turn off for me, but I know some women would care less since it isn't them your treating that way.

Anyhoo, this list is long, so my point is that anyone can label themselves a "nice guy" and make that the reason for all their romantical woes, but really it has nothing to do with being nice. You can still be nice and assert yourself. Nice doesn't mean being a doormat. No, women will (for the most part) never respect a man who is a doormat, and without intending to will walk all over him. Is it because she is a B%^&*, nope it is because he lets her.

I had to tell my BF, don't ever, EVER do anything for me because you are seeking a specific response from me. You do it because you want to, because you may not get what you want. You saying, "I love you" should be because you feel it and want to say it, and not because you want me to boost your ego by saying it back.

Anyhoo, being "nice" has nothing to do with it. I won't date a man who is not nice.

But, assertiveness, confidence, self-respect, and having their own personality is what draws women's attention. The problem is that other things can mask those, like aggressiveness, arrogance, and self absorbed...............It is when women get the traits confused because at first they are very similar it isnt' until you get into the relationship that you see them for what they are............but by that time women are usually "attached" and "feel" that they are in love.........and for some women they can't leave as long as those feelings are there.

I've never thought that -- I want a nice guy

Most of the nice guys in my life have also been the toughest. I love the contridiction.

Weak? No.
Boring and predictable? Yes.

YES they do.

NEVER let a girl make you out to be a "nice guy".

Some people perceive caution,calmness,a dislike for drama & violence, thinking before acting & manners as weakness. This brings out the bully in them & they take advantage. Sex dosn't matter. A woman who does this to a man will also do it to another woman. Men do it also.

They question is, why do people find the bullies attractive & keep getting involved with them?

Wow...

Plainome has great depth and understanding into this issue.

I have though come up against this "nice=weak" syndrome and I can tell you it isn't always about any man being a "People Pleaser." What Plainome says is absolutely true, this is a bad sign, and it usually means that person is a codependent, or has some other deep seated issues that make his own sense of self-worth and self esteem need to be externally validated. They need the feedback they get from pleasing others to measure themselves as a good person.

Unfortunately, there are women out there, and I've just recently encountered one, who simply are so narcissistic that they DO see sensitivity and kindness as a weakness, and a weapon to be held against them. These people have had a lot of pain in their lives, and have made a decision that to have a heart at all is weakness. They will want to "teach you the same lesson" and they often will use punishing behaviors when they ancounter any need for emotional support, compliments, and positive assurance or affirmation at all.

I dated a woman with a string of men hanging around in the background, "Male friends" all of whom were single, and had some "weakness" to draw them to someone "strong." ANY question about them or why they were in her life (b/c it was obvious she didn't really know or care about any of them) she would automatically and cruelly assume was "jealousy," and "Insecurity" and she would deem it childish and any concerns I had about them were "petty."

She is cold, hard and what she calls "strong." I feel she learned this bahvior from her father, who cheated on her mother for 35 years. I can only imagine the emotional abuse in that household.

My point is RUN LIKE THE DEVIL HIMSELF WAS CHASING YOU from women who seem to "punish" a man who is nice or kind, whatever variety of THAT you actually are. It's an unhealthy relationship, and one in which you will become a target of their animousity and rage.

Joe

They crave the drama.

I don't. However, the self proclaimed nice guy who whines about being nice and finishing last are weak.

don't confuse being nice with being a wuss

I have to be the voice of dissension on this one. My experience with men who self-identify as 'nice' is that they are weak in a variety of ways. I realize it is a blanket statement and total generalization, and that there may be exceptions - yet overall I do not seek 'nice' men. I think there are a couple of types of men who might call themselves 'nice'.

First are the users. Some men who call themselves 'nice' are saying that because they think women want to hear it. They start calling themselves 'nice, cuddly, loving, gentle' etc.. in an attempt to feed into keywords they think women want. To me, all that says is that they aren't confident enough with who they really are and think they can't get a date without pretending to be someone they aren't.

Second are the wimps. Some men who use those keywords to describe themselves really are just putting a good spin on the more accurate words: 'doormat, dependent, clingy, needy, emotional' etc.. I've dated my share of these guys, and I can't stand them in the least. Not a single one considered himself 'weak and needy' - each considered himself 'nice'.

Any day of the week, I'd rather spend time with a guy who is honest about his faults. A guy who considers himself a sometimes jerk, recognizes that his manners come and go, isn't looking for someone to take care of them like another child, and admits to various other faults.

I have the kind of personality that completely tramples over someone who is too nice, and that just ends up hurting them. It took me years to figure it out, but now I specifically look for guys who have a personality more in line with mine. If I have a moment when I start *****ing, a man who backs down right away and gives in and starts pacifying me just gets me more irritated. I've tried the 'nice' guys, and ended up with a variety of seemingly normal guys who all turned out to be doormats and about 1/4 of which wanted to wear my lingerie. If I wanted someone who described themselves as nice, cuddly, loving, and gentle - I'd date a woman.

Nice is not a good word to my ears - calling yourself a 'good man' ... now that has a totally different connotation.

Some do, some don't, and not all nice guys are weak, some are just confident
Usually, the mean people are the weak one's...

But...there ARE guys who can be cuddly, loving, gentle etc. but can also have times when they are assh*les as well.

A guy with balance manages to do both, but not to extremes.

Not at all. I don't see how the two are related.

ditto

"nice" guys are not to be taken seriously. they make GREAT shoulders to cry on, but seriously...just use them and toss em out! **** em!


I'm a little bitter. Can ya tell??

YOU CAN BE NICE AND NOT BE WEAK. I AM A PLUMBER AND I PROMISE THERE IS NOTHING WEAK ABOUT ME. I DO AGREE WITH MAYBE IT SHOULD BE SAID YOU NEED A GOOD MAN BUT ISNT A GOOD MAN USUALLY A NICE MAN. I ALWAYS TRY TO TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY I WANT TO BE TREATED BUT I NEVER LET PEOPLE WALK ALL OVER ME.

I used to be the nice guy. I almost had to change my middle name to 'Welcome.'
I try to be nice but I have my moments where I can and will be a total A** Hole. I do not take disrespect well at all while other guys get all passive. I do not put up with the **** of friends of friends either. It is more about respect for me these days. I give it where it is given and I always try to extend respect to another first. That is just common courtesy.

Fact is that nice guys finish last.

Also pick and choose your women carefully.
Why waste time on a date with someone who will look down on you for being nice?

Face it, a lot of so called Bad Boys only act like it.
Tommy Lee was never out car jacking or thugging and yet he is supposed to be a bad boy. I've seen hamsters with more bite than him. The only thing that makes him bad is he has money, a spoiled attitude, and Hep C (probably from slammin smack daddyo). I know members of the cell set 'community' that would eat a white boy like him for lunch.
People have some fuqued up perceptions.

Also face it, genetically only the strong pass on their genes. Man kind has not evolved that much from animals!!!!


DARWIN WAS RIGHT!!!!!!