Wow...

Plainome has great depth and understanding into this issue.

I have though come up against this "nice=weak" syndrome and I can tell you it isn't always about any man being a "People Pleaser." What Plainome says is absolutely true, this is a bad sign, and it usually means that person is a codependent, or has some other deep seated issues that make his own sense of self-worth and self esteem need to be externally validated. They need the feedback they get from pleasing others to measure themselves as a good person.

Unfortunately, there are women out there, and I've just recently encountered one, who simply are so narcissistic that they DO see sensitivity and kindness as a weakness, and a weapon to be held against them. These people have had a lot of pain in their lives, and have made a decision that to have a heart at all is weakness. They will want to "teach you the same lesson" and they often will use punishing behaviors when they ancounter any need for emotional support, compliments, and positive assurance or affirmation at all.

I dated a woman with a string of men hanging around in the background, "Male friends" all of whom were single, and had some "weakness" to draw them to someone "strong." ANY question about them or why they were in her life (b/c it was obvious she didn't really know or care about any of them) she would automatically and cruelly assume was "jealousy," and "Insecurity" and she would deem it childish and any concerns I had about them were "petty."

She is cold, hard and what she calls "strong." I feel she learned this bahvior from her father, who cheated on her mother for 35 years. I can only imagine the emotional abuse in that household.

My point is RUN LIKE THE DEVIL HIMSELF WAS CHASING YOU from women who seem to "punish" a man who is nice or kind, whatever variety of THAT you actually are. It's an unhealthy relationship, and one in which you will become a target of their animousity and rage.

Joe

Sorry, I forgot;

Baggage? Oh yeah. If you're over the age of fifteen you HAVE baggage. FOO (family of origin issues) and later bad relationships "gift" you with them whether you like it, or ADMIT IT or not. The only real difference between people is this; most will deny it and play the "blame game." It was all the other persons fault. These "angels & demons" people are big no-no's with me. Lots of women tell me they run from men who have had "psycho ex" syndrome, and that's probably a GOOD idea. It takes two.

Then there are people who admit that you cant walk out of a bad childhood or relationship "completely unaffected" and have looked inside themselves, gotten real help if it was particularly bad, and DEALT with thier own issues, whatever their ex's issues were.

That's the responsible thing to do... so you don't "pass oon the pain." Lot's of misandristic (man-hating / fearing) women out there in the world with big grudges from past lives to give a future mate the price tag for.

It gets complicated! But believe me, both are real issues. Whether the people understand the root and the RIGHT of these issues is a personal thing. Whether they deal with them or ignore htem and look for their next victim is the true "skill set" of dating IMHO. I know I'm doing the latter!

Joe

Absolutely right!

Drama... that can be controlled though. I think what people, men especially from my point of view mean by this is UNECESSARY drama-rama. I have met quite a few women who seem addicted to drama, overly emotional about events and situations which really do have simple and often obvious solutions.

There IS DRAMA in ever life, or you're just not living it right. That's a fact. Also all drama is not BAD drama. But there are people, some of them with personality disorders in particualr who use drama and create it just to draw ansd keep attention on themselves. They tend to "suck all the emotional space" out of a relationship, and while needing almost constant emotional support, usually can provide none in return, and often even resent it when they are expected to show some compassion and support for others.

Sorry, but that closes out of town with this boy. One-ways hit the highway, and an EXCESS of dramarama around their lives is deffinitely a giant red flag to me.

Joe