thanks Lee

I agree with you Jess, I too look for the motivations. I am at a
similar place philosophically with you ... I will, however, add a couple
of other points

1. I think that cheating is the highest form of disrespect within a
relationship.

2. Once you are second you can never truly be first again.


I can forgive, I can move past it and I really can let it go. I can,
however, also choose my boundaries...and infidelity will not fit within
them for me.


My ex cheated twice in 20 years. The first time I stayed for us. The
second time I left for me. I will not do it again.


When people show you who they are, believe them.

I agree

Cheaters cheat themselves , what goes around comes around , people will
see what they did and judge them

One time is too much... ya just can't get "it" back.

I disagree Creative. It is possible to get 'it' back. It takes a
tremendous amount of work and it requires getting out of the ego but it
can be done. It is all about perspective.

But yes, I agree...one time IS too many!

I personally think that IF you have to want to cheat to get something
that you are missing in the relationship that you are in, then you
seriously need to re-think the reasons why you are in a relationship,
and why you think that you want to cheat.

It's better to end it if your thinking about cheating before anyone gets
hurt.

Cheating is unacceptable period!

It all depends on the circumstances, I guess. Providing ABSOLUTE honesty
and an acceptable reconciliation process for both involved, maybe I
could get "it" back.The only person to ever cheat on me was someone I
could not truly love anyway. Forgiveness comes easily for me, however
believing it would not happen again...that would all completely depend
on the ability to recognize the root problem and have the confidence to
feel like putting it all on the line again. No ego involved, just the
heart and soul.

creative, nicely put and so very true.

It does take time to get over it how long that depends on the person
themselves. Forgive them it can be done I did with my ex. Forget it
guess that really depends on the person themselves I did not forget it
but I don't blame every man I'm with of cheating or that they will
cheat. Just cause a man or woman in your life does cheat. Does not mean
they all will.

It is very, very hard for some... I recently paid dues for two other
people who I don't even know.

awwwwwwwwww creative not everyone has that baggage, love.

Your so sweet, tulip

I feel that maybe I have a gene missing or something....

I take each person at face value, and treat them separately from any in
my past, each person is an individual, and in a relationship, I have no
expectations, or limiters on behaviours, (as in trust issues,
'baggage')...

And yes, there had been infidelity, or 'cheating'...I just don't seem to
carry it forever.


Reminds me of the story of the two initiate monks, of an eastern
religion, travelling across their country to another monastry. They had
taken a vow of celibacy, and must never touch a woman...
They came to a river that was swollen from rains and snow melt from
further up river. Standing by the banks was a frail and elderly women,
who needed to cross the river.

One monk asked her if she needed assistance, while the other looked on
in horror. The elderly lady graciously accepted the offer and was piggy
backed safely across the river.

After a long an arduous day of travel, the monks settled under a tree to
rest. The monk who had not broken his vows, had barely spoken all day,
and appeared quite perturbed, when asked by the other monk, he replied,"
I cannot believe you broke your vows of celibacy".

The other monk replied, "Why are you still carrying that woman, when I
let her go her on the bank over thirty miles ago?"

Is how I see cheating, and the pain of it, why carry it forever?

true jess.

Jess, you are a very strong woman. I admire that. If everyone could look
at life as you do, there would be fewer of us sitting around grumbling.
I now understand what you are getting at. You don't condone infidelity
but in the event that it does happen, you will rise above it and move
on. I have moved on and thought I have risen above it but apparently
have not. I'll keep working on that.

Zap thank you for your openness.

I'm all about openness. lol That's my downfall. I wear my emotions on my
sleeve; you can read me like a book...... pick an analogy.