Now, the bothersome door-knocking habit of missionaries is not that common in my whereabouts, but that does not mean you will not get your fair share of threshold-to-threshold ministry. The only time when I did get what seemed like an alien invasion was when I was staying at a friend's house in New Jersey. I would be lying if I wanted to tell you with strict precision which church they belonged to, but they did have an excellent sense of the opportunity and approached me when I was to walk my friend's dog in the morning or early evening. When intercepted, I tried hard to be polite and defer the encounter for later, the usual word I resorted to being "tomorrow". Such term bore literal interpretation value to them, so the next day I was once again questioned about my beliefs and deeds (the latter being far more interesting than the former).

Perhaps you will not be surprised if I disclosed my feeling of anxiety every time my friend's cute puppy made for the kitchen to fetch the leash. I did not take their intervention in my affairs as a game of wits or a personal offense; to me, it was just another waste of time and energy caused by wrong assumptions as regards the universe and its tenants. Intellectual sloth, at its best; intellectual irresponsibility, if bad comes to worse.

They say human beings are capable of a certain reasoning process called abduction. I did not know whether the answer I came up with to disrupt my adversaries' assets (infinite patience, endless resilience and imperviousness to rudeness -not that I tried to test this last one-) was ethically adequate, but my meager brains were not in a position to snatch a more promising option than prejudice. I had long suspected that conversion was the aim of each and every group of door-bangers, and that the capture of a non-believer's flag would be the ultimate prize. My advice to those of you still striving to be left alone is NEVER to reveal you are either atheists or agnostics. Such blunder would amount to exposing a juicy flank to their guns. Instead, I opted for an easy way out, however vile, however tricky. I just said I was Jewish (I am not, in fact). After seeing an undecipherable look (maybe a bit of a glare) mask their faces, and their faces become fast-disappearing backs under a wintry morning sun, I saw them no more. My ruse did not work just once, but twice, the second time in another country, another cultural environment, and definitely another religious denomination.

Jews are not indeed famous for proselytizing, but I wonder whether my stratagem would have succeeded the other way round.

Now, the bothersome door-knocking habit of missionaries is not that common in my whereabouts, but that does not mean you will not get your fair share of threshold-to-threshold ministry. The only time when I did get what seemed like an alien invasion was when I was staying at a friend's house in New Jersey. I would be lying if I wanted to tell you with strict precision which church they belonged to, but they did have an excellent sense of the opportunity and approached me when I was to walk my friend's dog in the morning or early evening. When intercepted, I tried hard to be polite and defer the encounter for later, the usual word I resorted to being "tomorrow". Such term bore literal interpretation value to them, so the next day I was once again questioned about my beliefs and deeds (the latter being far more interesting than the former).

Perhaps you will not be surprised if I disclosed my feeling of anxiety every time my friend's cute puppy made for the kitchen to fetch the leash. I did not take their intervention in my affairs as a game of wits or a personal offense; to me, it was just another waste of time and energy caused by wrong assumptions as regards the universe and its tenants. Intellectual sloth, at its best; intellectual irresponsibility, if bad comes to worse.

They say human beings are capable of a certain reasoning process called abduction. I did not know whether the answer I came up with to disrupt my adversaries' assets (infinite patience, endless resilience and imperviousness to rudeness -not that I tried to test this last one-) was ethically adequate, but my meager brains were not in a position to snatch a more promising option than prejudice. I had long suspected that conversion was the aim of each and every group of door-bangers, and that the capture of a non-believer's flag would be the ultimate prize. My advice to those of you still striving to be left alone is NEVER to reveal you are either atheists or agnostics. Such blunder would amount to exposing a juicy flank to their guns. Instead, I opted for an easy way out, however vile, however tricky. I just said I was Jewish (I am not, in fact). After seeing an undecipherable look (maybe a bit of a glare) mask their faces, and their faces become fast-disappearing backs under a wintry morning sun, I saw them no more. My ruse did not work just once, but twice, the second time in another country, another cultural environment, and definitely another religious denomination.

Jews are not indeed famous for proselytizing, but I wonder whether my stratagem would have succeeded the other way round.

I really enjoy wasting their time. So I get that real excited look and I tell them. Wow, I can't your here. PLEASE let me share my experience with you.

I begin by telling them about how church never made sense to me, as a child, and my struggle to undertand. All the churches I visited, etc. And each time them they interrupt I just say, "oh yea, and let me tell you this. I just keep building on the story, year of my life. Then when it seems Im loosing them, I tell them, oh wait, I'm just getting to the revelation.

Then I go into great, explicit detail about the epiphany I suddeny had and how the weight of the world seemed to lift from my shoulders... They usually gain a bit of interest back at that point. I spend some time building it up, till I'm about to loose them again then I spit out

It was an amazing feeling, a sense of relief to finally say out loud. Da mn I'm an athiest, that's why I can't believe this sh t, and as they're, nearly, running away, I hold up my arm and scream halleluia, I'm free, free at last from the oppression.

Then I just go inside and close the door.

It's kinda sad, becasue the last time that happened was about 5 years ago. I see them all still, going door to door, but my door is no longer pounded on....

TRUE STORY!

I live in "Mormon Country" Utah. I was raised LDS and so I do understand their perspective. They believe with their whole hearts, well, at least some of them do, that their faith is right and proper. Not only that, but when you have "the one and only true church" rammed down your throat every Sunday you really start to believe it. They're not there to annoy you and as corny as it sounds they just want to "save" you. I've come to realize that most people don't believe in their faiths because they think it's the best thing in the world, it's mostly that they're afraid to not believe. Hell is pretty big deterrent for millions. I used to be one of them.

It's a certain level of apathy I suppose, I don't care if they believe what they do, for some people, religion is a really good thing, it's how they stay together, and their faith in their God is what gives them strength. There was a time I thought I would be a jerk and come up with retorts or try to convince them why they were "wrong", but honestly, who am I to say what is right?

I'm cool with religion, I just don't want it in my life, nor do I want to talk to them about it or why I've chosen my life as it is. My general trick is to wave at the missionaries. They see me go home and because I'm being friendly I think they assume I'm already a member. Either way, they never knock on my door. I did have Relief Society come to my door once, but I told them I wasn't a member and I'd prefer them to not come back, and I haven't seen them since. Unless they're being rude people are people, I don't have a reason to be rude either. I don't believe in Christ the demi-God, but I do believe the man existed, and I think he had it right in love for everyone. We, the missionaries and I, may not see eye to eye, but I've got no hate for them, also knowing they have no hate for me.

Just some thoughts.

Awesome, better than my threats of execution.

and I always find it useful to bring up how
their loving sensitive personal god
delights in little children starving to death

what helps is when you can show 'em pictures.