I believe is almost impossible, no matter what anyone says. We carry "experiences" from previous relationships that had thought us distrust, pain, etc.,

ill have to go with this answer.... the only way i could say it was a waste of time was because<I> wasted some time...i love to learn though..with most any relationship that you do.. both good things and bad things... i try not to ponder on the bad things but think of the good and learn from that..thats why i get pickier and pickier as i age.. cause i learned more or too much

time and money for growth

most definately.. one can only get hurt and burnt so many times. I know I have less patience and tolerance for the bull**** than I use to. Something I would tolerate 20 years ago, I walk away from now.

its really about what you learned and what you do with the info...your failures shape you as much as your sucesses

my ex husband just wanted my money not that I had alot of it to begin with

and i wouldnt call it garbage that i carry over just knowledge.. and common sense tells me if i see a pattern happening that i had in the past... <what i learned> and if its a real bad negetive one im not going to shut my eyes on it... and pretend that i dont know most recent one was controlling.... and i learned what that was from my first husband .. not something i can live with.. no one should try to make their partner feel guilty over taking your ma out for her birthday to lunch just cause you didnt include them cause they already had plans and their plans did not include you<meaning try to control you to not spend time with your family>

I'm struggling with this very issue, just now.

There have been several major and tragic betrayals of my trust over my life-time. Despite this, I have been remarkably resilient. Naturally, these experiences have made me quite cynical about the human condition. It has caused issues with basic trust.

Of course, nothing happens in a vacuum. The factors in the current relationship impact, if even just a little bit.

My partner trusts me and loves me very much; enough so, that he shared certain things about his past which might cause many to think twice. He has done his very best to reassure me, however; and to explain how he will not be repeating the same mistakes, out of consideration for me, as he knows it is such an important issue for me.

Sure, a person can tell you whatever they want; and, if they stop loving/caring, many probably won't care to keep a promise that was made in the first bloom of love. Especially if respect was lost along the way. So, how do you work with that?

This is why, in my opinion, I feel it is vital this time around, no matter what, to maintain mutual respect for each other and to be open about the fact that if mutual consent is lost, that is a deal-breaker. There are no second chances.

With these things in place, as seeing the person walk the walk, not just talk the talk, over time, trust will grow. For me, trust is not given, it is earned. Sure, on the outside, it may appear "given" - but only I know what is within myself.

For me, "there is no trust, only truth".

All the way till the tender age of 34...believe it or not...i thought and felt innocent, but after almost 5 years of drama, i feel like i have been striped of my innocense...and i dont like it one bit...it made me grow up and miss trust ppl. I used to believe mirracles....true love...kindness and always TRYING to do the right thing in life when it comes to my encounters in life with ppl....any ppl...Now..i go through everything and every body..with a fine tooth comb..that is no way to be...maybe decades from now..i will have forgotten what happened and get my inocense back and with that my believe that their are nice ppl in the world.

Very true. But sometimes, it can be difficult to tell how much is your own baggage and how much is what you are dealing with in the present. A friend once said to me, however, that I can't hide behind a computer screen and miss out on finding love, for fear of being hurt again. He said that the only way to find love is to risk, even in knowing that if you risk, you may fall.

You have to weigh for yourself, do the possible benefits of what you stand to gain make taking the risk of what you have to lose or endure worth it. And, what are the consequences of not risking, pulling away too soon?

I constantly try to remind myself to breathe, to take it one step, one day at a time.

Worry gets us nowhere. Nothing good comes from it.

In the end, the outcome will be the same. We can't predict what will be. We can only cope and deal with life as it happens. Moment by moment, day by day. Sure, the past is always the best predictor of future behavior. However, there is no way to predict for sure. Impossible. So, do you take that chance, or not? Follow your heart, your head, or both? Only you can decide.

Faith. Faith in yourself.

I had 2 dates with one guy that was soooo obsessively jealous that he didn't want me on the internet (I make my living on the internet). And yes, I SAID 2 DATES with this control FREAK! Needless to say he is history before he even became anything lol But, when I told him no way could I deal with someone like that, he blamed it on a past spouse cheating on him. And said he could change.I told him he needed help and I wasn't the one to give it to him!

hmmmm waste of time? lets have your opinion. I met a woman who had 4 kids, I had 2. She was divorced and her ex husband was in prison for molesting his daughter from his first marriage and it just came out (thats why she divorced him) I fell in love, she didnt like me being gone all the time, I worked in a different state and was home on weekends, so I dropped my $150k a year contract and got some smaller ones close to home. Got married, built a house big enough for all of us. After 5 yrs of marriage on fathers day of last year she informs me that she is leaving and getting back together with her ex. Now I have a 6 bedroom home and only have my kids on weekends and during summer vacation. So whats your opinion, was it a waste of my time?

hmmm...yep

I learned from everyone of my ex's...

Good or bad they are lessons in life, there was good times and bad, take the good and send the rest away in a ship of fools...

No. You lived, loved, laughed during that time together, didn't you? You learned about yourself and others, too, no? It wasn't wasted time. It is a terrible loss and betrayal.

"ship of fools" HA! I like that!

He wasted my time, my youth, my health, my dreams ,my trust, he changed me forever and not for the better.

He gave me a wonderful daughter, but I feel like the empty candy wrapper crumbled up, tossed on the ground & trampled into the mud.

I read tarot cards, and there is that card in my deck, when I see it I know that person is ready to move on...They have sent the "bad eggs" away like a viking ship....

Don't let him still control you like that... He's gone, let him be gone.. Look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself you're worth more...

You have a good heart, you're a good lady... now see your full potential....

I have to admit I carry baggage from my last relationship. It gave me trust issues on many different levels. I have dealt with it but I will always remember. So it has made me very watchful of what I deem suspicious behavior in people who are interested in me. Will I ever be able to totally let it go? I think so if I enter a relationship where I finally feel secure. My problem is letting someone close enough to try and make me feel that way....