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Topic: WIDOWS AND WIDOWERS
auburngirl Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 18811	Tue 05/27/08 05:26 PM
Oh Monica, I am so sorry for your loss! I'm glad you found this thread! It will be 9 years for me next month. I was 35 when it happened. My husband was 37....cancer. First of all, you are likely just now having the fog of the shock lift. Numbness can be such a blessing at times. Secondly, he is NOT your Ex, you are right! Thirdly, you don't "get over it", ever. You get used to it, you live with it you deal with it. It is like a wound that heals but leaves a scar. When you say the YWBB, what do you mean? By the way, I'm Connie

knightless Joined Sat 04/14/07 Posts: 402	Tue 05/27/08 05:29 PM
Hi Alicia and I'm so sorry for your loss I understand how you feel. It's a complete shock when it's a sudden death. We never know what to think, what to feel, or how to handle some things..but, just try to keep your head up and your faith. Time does help alot too, never takes away the memory but it helps ease the sharp pain somewhat. Welcome to the site...and my name is Carolyn.

auburngirl Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 18811	Tue 05/27/08 05:31 PM
Carolyn!!! Hi! How are you this evening?

KmonicaK Joined Mon 12/17/07 Posts: 3	Tue 05/27/08 05:34 PM
Hi!! Thanks so much for your response. The Young widows and widowers bulletin board - it is a good site for people who have lost a spouse. I will be here often. Thanks for your kind words!! Monica

knightless Joined Sat 04/14/07 Posts: 402	Tue 05/27/08 05:34 PM
Hi Connie I am doing ok, how are you this evening? I just got home from my Mother-in-laws, trying to get her computer working the way she wants it too. Times like that- I tell my late hubby I'm gonna kick his rear when I see him!! First for leaving me to take care of his Mother and 2nd for all these hard jobs she always has..lol

auburngirl Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 18811	Tue 05/27/08 05:36 PM
Hi!! Thanks so much for your response. The Young widows and widowers bulletin board - it is a good site for people who have lost a spouse. I will be here often. Thanks for your kind words!! Monica Monica, that sounds similar to a site I have gone to for years.

knightless Joined Sat 04/14/07 Posts: 402	Tue 05/27/08 05:36 PM
Hi Monica.. Welcome to the site and look forward to knowing you and everyone else..I think it's a wonderful idea for this thread....

auburngirl Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 18811	Tue 05/27/08 05:36 PM
LOL I hear you Carolyn! My husband was a computer programmer/analyst and he knew Everything! I can barely turn the thing on. Did you get it fixed the way she wanted?

knightless Joined Sat 04/14/07 Posts: 402	Tue 05/27/08 05:40 PM
Unfortunately- no...it's the first computer I ever owned so it's kind of ancient and it's too old for all the new updates and all that. But I showed her she could still e-mail everyone, but she just can't forward anything now. Your like me- I do good to find these sites and my e-mail- I'm not very computer smart at all.lol

auburngirl Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 18811	Tue 05/27/08 05:43 PM
Nope not at all here either! The Best Buy Geek Squad practically knows me on a first name basis!

MsWizard Joined Sun 07/01/07 Posts: 5488	Tue 05/27/08 05:43 PM
ty Alicia Well, I can tell you time helps a lot of things. It will be 9 years for me next month. Seems like yesterday and another lifetime, all at the same time. You can read my story on the first page if you like. How are you and son doing now? I actually did read your story...we all have them I suppose...sad as they are...but you are right...time lessens the pain......Im very glad you started this thread Connie....it's a good one...

auburngirl Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 18811	Tue 05/27/08 05:46 PM
Thank you Alicia I just thought there had to be a need to talk about widowed stuff. I have found dating is at best difficult at times although I have had two relationships with widowers that I met on a site I go to. Aside from that, I've only had one bad experience with a non widowed man telling me he could "never date a widowed girl because it would be like competing with a ghost".

knightless Joined Sat 04/14/07 Posts: 402	Tue 05/27/08 05:46 PM
lol...I may be their next customer!! I may just be able to learn something.

auburngirl Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 18811	Tue 05/27/08 05:49 PM
Carolyn was your husband ill or was his passing sudden? If I may

knightless Joined Sat 04/14/07 Posts: 402	Tue 05/27/08 05:50 PM
I've had several tell me that I don't need to date- it wouldn't be right or fair to the man to bring them into my situation, until everything is resolved. But, the question is- will it ever be resolved? Sometimes life just isn't very fair.

knightless Joined Sat 04/14/07 Posts: 402	Tue 05/27/08 05:51 PM
It was very sudden, and very questionable. He was found shot.

auburngirl Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 18811	Tue 05/27/08 05:52 PM
Carolyn, that is about as stupid of a statement as the one said to me! I even ran that past two non widowed male friends of mine and both said that statement would only come from an insecure man. I mean, how can one compete with someone that is not here to be competed WITH? I get what they mean in a sense. The fear of being compared to, or a shrine in the house. I don't believe, however, that those things are an issue when a widow/er is sure they are ready to date again.

auburngirl Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 18811	Tue 05/27/08 05:53 PM
It was very sudden, and very questionable. He was found shot. OMG I am so sorry

knightless Joined Sat 04/14/07 Posts: 402	Tue 05/27/08 05:56 PM
Exactly. I understand the problem in a way, and see just cause for the concern..but..regardless, surely there has to be someone that would love me enough to stand beside me and help me with everything enstead of feeling threatened or neglected because of my late husband.

knightless Joined Sat 04/14/07 Posts: 402	Tue 05/27/08 05:58 PM
Thank you..it's just something to learn to deal with.