HI all.
Monday is his birthday he would have been 52 his doctor and i are going to lunch she just loved him, and tomorrow I see a neuro surg. Cat scan found some problems. life can suck some times, I think they will schedual surgery asap so sometime next week or very soon after is what I am planing. I have this long list of have to do before like plant flowers at his grave but the heat and lost of movement of my right arm that comes and goes slows me down some.
I did get the car port almost done have the side to put on then tada done.. i have entered a gray zone.. i was supposed to say some words at my uncles funeral saterday and found out I was to do the whole thing, so I did.. people kept comeing up and saying how did you do it, and will you do mine, did not have the heart to tell them that I may have gotten my ticket out of here. no one know but you all here. Nor will i tell them when i go in, if they have no time now not sure i want hem to come then. I am kinda numb, just empty inside, funny how life works out, the caregiver has no one that cares. oh well enought morbid thoughts am going to a cat fish tourney tomorrow night and teaching my great grandson who 4 how it done, we fish we eat and sleep.. geeet up in time to go see the biggest fish. say a prayer for me tomorrow as i see the dr.

dreamt I was huing him last night......gave me a lift today

4roses; keep us posted.
Will keep the good thoughts going up.
Need someone to scream at; I'm around.

HUGS ROSES!! We'll be here if you need to talk!


HUGS MISS....dreams can feel so real can't they?!




Good Saturday Morning to all of you! Coffee for all

Good Evening ALL!

hello I am here

I'm here Dan

Talk! One month today...that's a tough tough time!

I had a set back today. I daydream about my lost love and I start to cry when I relize it only a dream. I cant go on like this and I need some clousure. I pray every nite that I would give the rest of my life to have one moment with her to hold her and kiss her. Am i crazy? I sound like it dont i?

I think I need help

Hi Chopper Dan...it sucks to be us....we can make you laugh!!!

Nope! Not crazy at all! Listen...there is nothing, NOTHING that you are thinking or feeling right now, that we haven't felt! Perfectly normal in the most abnormal of situations. We just want them back...period...end of discussion. And we think we can't go on one more day..that we can't breathe..we can't sleep, OR we sleep too much. We feel like we are going thru the motions. We either feel numb or we are in intense pain. How am I doing so far?

Hiya (((((Cathy)))))

Dan lost his love a month ago today Cathy.

YES but i would give all up to have her in my arms one time.

I miss her sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much. I cry like a baby everytime I think of her I miss her so much.

Of course you would Dan. That is so normal. You are at the very raw stages of this thing. You have to be gentle with yourself. By that I mean not so hard on yourself. Let yourself feel it....you mentioned the tears today. Let them come! You unfortunately HAVE to walk thru it to deal with it. And you will! TRUST ME on this. You can NOT see it now...I know this. And I HATED hearing people tell me that time would help. I wanted to scream YOU JUST DONT GET HOW MUCH I LOVED HIM!

she taught me to love above the physical plane and I want only to hold her and show her how much she means to me.

Hi Carolyn...Dan....

How long were you married and do you have any children...you probably wrote this already...just havent gone back to read

<--Connie

Dan, have you been in any kind of grief support? Talked with anyone?