Absolutely.

And I've had it happen often enough that I now expect it as an inevitability.

For most people, there is a wholly preconceived agenda that overrules anything and everything else....

A smart control freak knows all the right areas to probe before he ever gives off any signs of being what he is. He has to check for useful vulnerabilities and clues that will let him know what to say and how to act in order to get the person comfortable....

Some people are.

Some people pretend to be.

My immediate thought is self-absorbed control freak.

No compromise, no mutuality. His way. End of.

You should see some of the e-mails I get. They want to argue about it -- tell me why what I want is wrong, why my preferences are wrong. I mean -- OK, a little presumptuous here, aren't we? Always from women with kids who want to tell me why I'd be better off with a woman with kids. Uh, no, I've done that already and, uh, no thanks.

But I don't try to tell them that THEY'RE wrong -- it's simply not my place to do so. I think everybody has the right to determine their OWN preferences and deal-breakers, and age is often one of them....

Same here. I'm not at all ambiguous or vague about what I'm looking for in a partner. Then they tell me they're looking for the same thing, only they're not. Why pretend? How am I supposed to build a relationship with someone when she won't even tell me what she really wants out of it?

Exactly! It takes 90 days before they muster up the nerve to try to turn me into the perfect lame sitcom dad.

The thing that I don't get -- if that's who they want (not that there's anything wrong with that), why not go after THAT guy in the first place? Wouldn't that make more sense than trying to get with the OPPOSITE of that guy, and then trying to TURN him INTO that guy?

The one girlfriend I had who was actually honest about not wanting kids, told me she knew from about age 14-15 that she would never want them. So it is possible for some people to reach that decision earlier than others. I made the decision at 22, so it isn't like we all have to wait to be 35 before we have it figured out.



If I spent any time concerning myself about people's opinions of my reasoning, I'd be trapped in a pathetic and futile marriage with x number of kids, no happiness, and I would never have written anything worth reading.

My statistics say that it's 212.6% for calendar year 2009 (the last year for which complete figures are currently available).

I try really hard never to steer anyone into the sun. It reduces the pool of potential readers.....

If you fall into the sun, you won't get wet either. Unless I have a serious misunderstanding of how the sun works.

That's about as likely as falling into the ocean without getting wet....!

Honestly, if I had a nickel for every ex who tried to con me into parenthood, I would have enough for several 2-liter bottle of Pepsi. How sad is that? Am I wearing a sign that says "Change me!" -- ??

I have a thematic cut-off point around age 25 -- I think it's unlikely I would date anyone older than that. But that's only because 114% of women over 25 have kids, and only 103% of women 18-25 have them.

Truth is, I don't spend a lot of time in the poetry forum.

But when I'm in here, and something grabs my attention, I don't have a problem with making a comment on it.

And yours is good, and I like it a lot. The imagery is practically cinematic in some lines. I don't know much about poetry, but I know what I like.

Words from the heart. And beautifully done.

A few centuries ago, most 35-year-olds had already been dead for a few years.

But I also have the George Costanza thing going on: "When you like them, they don't like you. When they like you, you don't like them!!"

It's a curse, I tell ya....!

The people judging you have no business saying anything. They're not you, they haven't led your life, they're not in charge of making decisions for you.

Everybody has their own preferences, and it's nobody's place to say anyone else's preferences are wrong. I hear it all the time, and I've gotten to the point that I just ignore it.

Historically, I'm kind of an idiot on this sort of thing. Easier not to be in that position in the first place.