wow!!! made my day.

Poem By: Raymond Bundotich


I've slaved for you, crawled in the mud for you, done it all

never complained not even once, this far still i have no reason for a complain

you'll always be a blessing to me and i love you so much

it's why i did it, never thinking twice about it, not even once

from the day you were put in my hands

i knew, here's all the love i can have and all the love i can give

my forever responsibility

& i have done it, still doing it everyday and tomorrow here i will be, still doing all i



can for you

knowing there's something i can do that will cut a smile on your rarely happy face

it's all the reason i need to always go back every other day

even if it means breaking my back, i'd do it without the slightest care in the world

and there's not a day I regret doing all i've done for you, but

isn't it time my shackles were losened

even a little bit? one deep breath of freedom at least; for both me and you

after all i've done for you i don't think that is too much to ask, is it?

don't get me wrong my love for you ever grows stronger with every passing day

it even surprises me how i keep loving you more

everyday i think i have given you all my heart, nothing left

yet tommorrow i find more space, i fill it with only the worthful of my treasures, you

but for your own sake i must

and as much as it breaks my heart to, i must do it

ever heard, 'there comes a point in life when a mother has to take the breast away from the



child'

well, this is it for you my son

you know i won't always be here to watch over you, now you must go out into world

broaden your horizons, see new things learn new things; responsibility; learn all you can

learn it's ways and learn them well, i'll be here for you for all the help you'll ever need

only death can take me from your side but only in my physical state

i've taught you all I can for now

you have all the knowledge and strengh you need to make a stand of your own now

where you're headed is a war i cannot take your place in, just you and the world fighting



it out

when it gets too tough just remember i'm at your corner this round cheering you on. turn



back to for all the support you need

learn and learn fastest you can

soon my time will be up and this corner will be without life just a hollow space for your



memories

brace yourself

i can tell you for sure it won't be easy, it never is

it's moments like this your generation says, 'grow some balls'

courage! you'll need a lot of it

there are times you might feel like the weight wears too much on your back

it might even get so rough you'd think you're fighting a force of nature head on

but if you have the will there will always be hope for a dawn tomorrow

all the best soon

always remember, 'mother loves you so much'

Dependence kills/ literally.

life buried alive

There's no perfect man but a man that accepts his faults and tries to fix the cracks on the walls is the closest we'll ever get to perfection.

Rest in peace love.

Poem By: Raymond Bundotich

Give me control; else I'll take it;
Have a look, if you see a fool maybe you have me confused for a mirror
I have no excuses
I'm just a man; nothing, just a man
I got a pile of regrets locked away in my closet and piles of skeletons to go with it
Together, you get the bitter taste that's me;
See I'm on a mission; a mission to rescue redemption before it's lost into oblivion
I can see it in the horizon it's almost out of reach
I have no time, it's now or never
I can't afford even a second to play your little games of who's the bigger man between us
It's alright, you are God if it's what you wanna be just give me control;

Poem By: Raymond Bundotich



Haven't had the best of what's out there

Haven't had the best of nature's gifts

I have enough for me

Friends, family, love; happiness

Happiness, isn't it everyman’s dream?

I've had it good in most man's empty views

But all I ever wanted was a piece of silence and solitude

Does it make me sick?

Mad man, I’m a labeled man

I don't mind the names, happens to the best of us

What do you know about sanity, insanity to tell me what I am?

Everyone has their own beast within

And I think insanity is highly exaggerated

Men living strange lives, slightly different from what's a common man life

Away from what's normal, not abnormal, unique

Happiness, isn't it everyman’s dream?

Inside a man's mind where most things are perfect

Misery comes dressed in a suit like his trying to draw lines on how he should live his life

I mean if he's no harm to anybody, whom would it hurt to let the man have his peace?

Happy in whatever makes him so, no matter how strange.



Belief, what a simple word

Scares even me thinking of its weight on man

It's a weapon to some; a shield to others; well told stories to some

Frankly I think religion is an excuse for fear of what's out there

A shield from the thoughts of what comes after death

For me, non-existence for an afterlife still eludes my imagination

They judge me for my believes or the lack of, the view is different depending on where you're standing

It wasn't always so

There's a time I stood in front of a crowd of hundreds and said, I want to be born again

Then there's a time the last and first thing I’d do everyday was count my beads through 'hail Mary's'

Then there was the conviction that Muslimism is the only true religion

Here I stand today, just me doing whatever I wish to before time runs out on me

I've come to learn to respect everyman’s believes whatever they may be

But what I don't get is, why most people are always willing to compromise these believes when it suits them most

Found a place in between them all where I’m truly happy

Happiness, isn't it everyman's dream?



I love sex

I happen to think it 'wow'

If ever there were words to describe the feeling the Englishman did it well

I come from a land where masculinity is highly exaggerated

So I don't speak much of love but I’ve had my share of great experiences

Love’s great

What I don't get is all the boundaries set for me and whom i should be with

Well I can understand it for those who share believes but what do you know about mine?

All we all want in love is someone to make us happy

Happiness, isn't it every man's dream?

Thank you...you make it brighter here

wow..thanks a lot. people really don't appreciate this piece while i consider it my favourite piece...though its old and i was young i need to rewrite it maybe...anyway thanks again...finally someone who appreciates precious words.

Thanks...I'm glad it speaks out ... about life buried alive have a look at damned by me and damned 2...not a beautiful to say the least

Thanks. I have done better though...have a look and let me know what your thoughts are. thanks again

Thanks...LIfe is word and thought...finally at a place i may fit in...thanks again...
have a look at 'DRUNKEN RAMPAGE 2'
LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THHINK,,,THOUGH MY ENGLISH ISN'T SO GOOD

Poem By: Raymond Bundotich


Time moves very fast

i think it tortures us,

eighteen years now

i've been under these roofs

it's time to move out

move in, under my own roof;

i'm staring down at there memories

they are in my head,

so memorable;

as i wonder

'bout my newly found freedom

i ask myself

has my time here, taught me enough!

for me to survive by myself?

i'm not sure!

i guess time will tell,

whether i'll survive or fail.



i walk around the house

kitchen, living room;

here is where i was born

where i grew up;

these old walls, speak to me

i see the shadows, of past times

the moments!

with family, with friends

they are irreplaceable

the best moments of my life;

'now it's my turn

to have my own family

a wife, kids

become a husband, a dad

have mouths to feed,

make something out of myself;'

i laugh at the thought.



i'm nervous about leaving;

a few hugs and i pick up my bags

the last time i left like this

i was going to school

but this time, it's for good

no returns, for holidays

i'll return, only to visit my parents;

i say goodbye, i get a soft reply

they are probably,

trying to picture this place

without me around;

i walk out of the door

say goodbye to home;

welcome!

new life, full of responsibilities.

Poem By: Raymond Bundotich


Addiction

I must say, for me it’s seemed the sweetest & been the hardest path down this road

The longest chapter in this book of mistakes

Everywhere you turn

All these things, easy to get hooked on; Letting go is a battle few survive;

Starts like just another thing you do sometime

Before you realize what a mess you’re making of yourself you’re already drowning in it all

Anger, it’s never a choice when it’s been with you so long; Addiction to Rage and the adrenaline of when it has its grasp on you is what you suffer from;

Alcohol becomes as essential as the air you breathe; it gets you through another one of those days

That is everyday when through your eyes, it is winter all year long;

Weed; you were just looking for a little inspiration, a cure for your writers-block;

Then it became as precious to you as those words about the very ugly and tough moments in your life you fill pages with; Your only inspiration

If you are lucky; after sometime it becomes the very thing you write about and fill those pages with;

Fighting addiction

It’s literally standing on opposite ends of a battlefield with your mind; the fight with your conscious is usually not much of a war

It’s a Grandmaster & a Fool eye to eye on a chessboard…

“Roll it up; have one more; it never hurts, does it?

If I were your doctor it’s what I’d prescribe to make all your troubles fade;

Lose Control; Let the Rage take the wheel; go ahead, knock some teeth out of his jaw and put the fool in his right place

Why lock up so much hate inside while you can let it out?

He started it, didn’t he? It’s only fair he be the one to put the fire out;

Call the Bartender; tell him to keep the bottle close;

Too much is never enough; you’re stronger than that, aren’t you?

Don’t mind what they say, who are they?

All human, blood & flesh like you are; so what do they know of death that you don’t already know?

‘Nothing’ is the word you’re looking for

You’re all as blind as bats when it comes to the question, ‘What comes next?’

All we all seek in this world is a smile on our faces, so who cares about what comes after the grave?

Everybody meets their end sometime, have fun before it’s your turn

A joint, another shot; do whatever it takes as long as it lights up your heart and makes you feel great”

The whispers usually are in your mind; don’t be shocked when you try shutting your ears to no avail

The words are like a sweet song; without notice you find yourself dancing to the tunes

Till the music stops and you ask yourself, “How did I get to this place?”

By then it’s already too late, there’s rarely chance to re-take those careless steps over again

& if there’s hope; it’s when

You wake up in a hospital on life support for just a second;

Enough time to regret an entire life of choices, all mistakes; then you’re gone

Or you end up at the bottom of a long line of people waiting for a kind person to give up one of their kidneys

Or worse, from your own stupidity; you’re one of those undeserving people who wake up hoping today they’ll find a cure for ‘Aids’

So if you thought life after the grave isn’t worth a thought; how’s life buried alive?

Poem By: Raymond Bundotich


My eyes have been open too long

It’s hard to tell what’s real

And what a product of my dream is

Hours going by like a sad song, so long so short

Buried in thoughts, senselessness

Smells like rotten eggs

Is it in my mind, thoughts growing old?

Is it me?



I’ve been stuck here too long, I’m numb

Torture is statues

To always wear one face, a state of emptiness

Smiles scowls, I’m just stretching my skin

This drawing is too plain

My relationship with life is an arranged marriage

Torture is me

Passion, the faulty gearshift

It’s a long rough drive



Fantasy meet reality

Meet the undead, zombie isn’t my name

I’m just waiting for the afterlife

I’m like an ignorant with a pot of knowledge

Gibberish to the poor soul

Empty life, empty days

Time is an amateur on a guitar

Bleeding ears, is there an end to this pain?

Purpose is living oil

Poem By: Raymond Bundotich



I’m so lost in my pride

So blind I can’t even notice my head’s on fire



Rudeness the spark

Of the lighter’s that’s my attitude

Hate, my take of the world

Always looking for a bone

Worth fighting for with the next dog

What’s the matter?

After all no one makes it out alive



Somehow I find peace in war

Peace kills my patience

Peace slows me down

In peace I’m weak

Battle is all I’ve ever known

I’m not two trains on a collision course

I’m two train wrecks on a collision course.



No man’s land

I stand alone in the middle under the burning heat

Was it all worth it?

No one to fight with

Maybe I’ll finally withdraw from my addiction

Like an addict with a needle but nothing to fill it with

When you’re on the ground

It’s hard to believe you can still go down

But for me this is a new bottom low

It’s like the worst just got worst



The only man left to beat

A conscious like a therapist on a rap song

“Finally alone

Isn’t it what you’ve been fighting for?

Ran your family away?

Ran your friends away?

Now is the time to smile if you’re capable of such a thing”

How I wish I could smile you away.

Drunken Rampage

If life was a person, it would be one mean ma’****er.

Why does everybody keep going back to the same old question?

What have you been up to friend?

Doesn't it ever get old?

I’ve been around, out and about, just spreading my wings.

I haven't found my place yet.

Every next place starts out well like every other before, magical & exciting but just a few days it already feels like where I’m coming from.

It gets old.

It’s as if my life is a jigsaw & I’m trying so hard to find my perfect fit within all the chaos of misplaces pieces.

I'm like that one lone piece shaped like it could almost fit everywhere but always very hard to find it's fit anywhere;

Really falls heavy on the players mind; he saves me for the last.

Maybe I might just be that lone piece in God's mind.
The elusive one being saved for last; so he can fit into any left over spaces;

He hasn't figured out where I'd be best; what worries me though is the fear that my patience within is wearing thin.

Sometimes I wake up in the morning thinking, “Why don't I just buy a gun and drill a big hole through my big head?” Even if just to find out what all these suicides’ fancy in death.

Personally I happen to think life is pretty great.

Of course it's when you have a goal; a dream; significance; something; when you have a clue of where you're heading;

Not having your destiny stuck in a vacuum. Within the tips of your reach but not there yet; no wind, nothing to give it that extra push: not a storm to be seen when you need it.

Death, would give anything never to marry him; i appreciate life but better him than a statue for a wife.

Suicide; It's nothing close to being called a purpose in life; not much significance; not much achievement in it; a waste of an existence; but right now achieving it would count as success to me: at least it something not nothing;
I have a burning thirst for feelings; pain, misery, anything: I’m emptier than a plain white sheep of paper;

Suicide; it sure would feel much better than being stuck here, within this idleness of a destiny.


Things haven't always been so bad for me.

I've had the sun shine on me quite a number of times in this shortness of my life.

I'm thankful to God & any other supernatural power out there that's been to my aid; if any! I’m thankful everyday.

I've had my share of favors thrown my way. I never take them lightly; I'm grateful always.

So much grateful I look to do the same for someone else out there, someone in need of a helping hand.

Not too strong an arm, mine; a helping hand all the same. I know it would do some person some good.

Blessings don't always have to rain from above or any other hell they drop out from; we just need to learn to care enough for the next man to be blessings to ourselves.

We can all be blessings to each other; me to you; you to him; him to her; all the way, everyday.

You don't need to be all that great to do something so great for your neighbor; all you need is heart.


Sometimes I surprise even myself with the things I say. Sometimes I feel like I talk more like a man of the cloth.

Anyway, all this time I've been holding still; I still will for as long as i can; fighting impatience everyday; maybe one I'll even manage a knockout win.

Can't wait for that day!

When I'll finally find my way back to the main road; a purpose to drive towards, maybe even a dream.

I'm sure it will come with some peace of mind; For now I'll just take everyday as they come; bitter, sweet, bitter-sweet;


I'm not really feeling sorry; I would like me and him to get to better terms like we were before and even though everything I told him was real it isn't anything I'd say sober.

I give him the respect he deserves given he’s my father;

After all, we are all humans, aren't we? All capable of somehow really screwing things up somewhere along the way; right?

I know he’s done his best; I haven’t always been the best of sons; and though his best doesn't seem like much of anything to me it still should matter.

It should count for something. Right?

Anyway, I know we are both too proud and stubborn to apologize to each other and even if we do I think I'd have to take the first step out through these doors of pride because I he’s too proud to go first.

Like father like son; maybe there is some sense in the dumb saying after all; but even if I were to be the first to say “I'm sorry” I wouldn't be doing it for the same reason I want it to be for .

I think In my mind I'm telling my self that I'm being the better man;

It's like I'm leaving this house filled with pride for the right reasons and going outside where we all are just men, vulnerable peace loving men but in stead enter another house filled with even bigger demons ;

A house filled with even greater pride than the one I was in.

“Being the better man” Really?

WTF?

Either I'm possessed by a demon or something worse off or I'm a very disturbed person.


So now I'm through, I'm through with the apology

'An Apology to Dad' I think I’, dreaming; to who? ... For what? ... Still is pretty hard to believe

I mean.

Yeah! I was right when I said it before, if life as it is now is such a ***** If it were human it would be one sick wicked mean …

I know I said I'm grateful for a lot and It seems like I’ve been blessed these few past days but one way or the other life always finds a way to screw with, either with you, your mind or your thoughts.

Not forgetting it's always screwing with our emotions.

Okay he was first to make contact to just say “Hi!” He’s been as good a father as he can be;

Parenthood, it's like driving; every time behind the wheel you get better and better at it; but come on, why didn't your God make it a little better if he’s all that?

Giving life to someone isn't a license to screw around with someone's living, is it?

I mean If he's as great as you … claim he is; why does parenthood have to be a driving test?

I may sound evil as hell to you pretty … out there who have had pretty good drivers behind your wheels; but when you're the vehicle of that drank driver; the one always hitting and killing everything around him, sucking the life out of everything he gets his hands on; you would be thinking differently if not dead already.


Now I'm trying to picture his response once he reads it, the apology; it's why I'm sending it by email, that is if I'll ever send it at all because I know it will give me sometime to think up a response for after he's read it;

I mean, the man rarely reads his emails; then he'll be like “Hallo Kibiwott? ...'

“Shit!” I'm a bright intelligent man: I’m not kidding & I’m not bragging either;

And if you think I am, sure then I am and I have got no ****ing apology for you; Yes, most a times I always know what someone’s respond to a question is before they say it but his response to this apology still is a mystery.

I don't know, it's one thing I can't get my head on and it's just there without an answer: Just swimming butterflies and whatever other swimming styles it's swimming in my mind and thoughts .

It's like a question I just can't get outta my mind;

A mathematical equation;

Probably a force unbalanced; say, a reaction force without an action or momentum without inertia; does that make sense to you? Any sense at all?

Think of the balance of the world if things were to get to that degree; we'd all be dead even before World War 1; Hell, probably before our evolution into sensible people;

Charles Darwin would have been born a monkey and died as an even dumber one, right?

Think of; think of good without evil or evil without good. Would any of them in either case make any sense to you? If it would to you then you are the one person I'd like to meet in this pile of **** of a life; either you are madder than I am or you are just stupid.

Just think about it...who'd God be without Lucifer? No wonder Adam & Eve were so dumb.

It's not like I'm ungrateful or something. I have a lot to be proud about; to be happy; most a times when my emotions and thinking aren't flipped up side down I even thank my god for all he is done for me like I have got the most perfect person as a mother and siblings I'd never trade for anything

Hell, my dad is great. There's nothing like a man who tries to mend his mistakes; we are all human. A man who mends his mistakes is a right man.

I'm sorry you read this if it offends you but I'm and will never be sorry for writing and thinking it. Crucify me!

Yeah! What do you think I've always been doing since that man?

Poem By: Raymond Bundotich


Drunken Rampage 2

Hi? Is anybody home?
I’m looking for Me
we’ve been married so long but I’ve never seen him
I think it’s about time I faced the truth
when Love finds loneliness
Family become friends,
Friends become strangers,
Strangers become enemies,
Enemies become my favourite scene
innocent kids, stupid cute little things
I stare at this black canvas masterpiece
so little words very big words
if only man was assembled so honest
without a shell to hide our foolish selves
bitter truths written on our chubby cheeks
look at your silly selves
laughing at the silly man standing inside your mirror
while standing in front of it, looking in
honest men never were, honest men never will be
I’m sorry, man above
it’s just me rebelling, not trying to be the bigger man
breaking a habit of cheats, speaking my mind
it isn’t that I’m not pitiful
NO! If there was a tear for my every tear filled thought of you
I’d be god in mars
light up little friends, it’s just me looking into my silly mind
sitting here with love but with no Love
my love finds loneliness, pictures become scenes
have you had the pleasure?
of seeing a mad man drowning in mud with a smile like you’ve never seen
indulge me and paint a picture, paint a portrait of me
if you aren’t with me this far
I know it’s impolite for a host to starve guests
but sometimes cruelty is the easiest answer
just put it down, have sleep or
whatever else pawns do
watch as gods are made
pride stings, try choking on lemons
let me know how it goes
there goes the rest of sleeping bunch
in their sinks with glasses and knives in their hands
pride like a lions, isn’t a lion king
it’s knowing when to fight and when to act deaf
geeks, not TV geeks!
Geeks from when dictionaries’ existed
It’s not a smile I wear, so don’t be so glad I know you
knowledge beats wisdom, it’s the 21st century
but mind beats knowledge, paint that scene.

Poem By: Raymond Bundotich


if my life was a real person in physical excistance, it would be one mean *****

Why does everybody keep going back to the same old question?

What have you been upto these days friend?

over and over again; it's like a consatant reminder of how much of a diappointment I am to myself

Doesn't it ever get old?

well maybe it's true some scars you can't hide even with a wide smile on your face

well would you be happy to know i've been to all these random places; spreading my wings?

Better, following the paths drawn out infront of me; Doing my best to keep my steps straight best I can

I know you'd be glad to see me fight my way up these rightious paths

and for a while back there things were looking up; becoming really great

I was starting to learn how to feel good and proud about myself; Was even walking straight, not with my head down like a dog



with it's tail between it's legs to a cats bark; an embarrassment to it's race

all I know is I woke up mid-air on a free-fall with no chute; the only one I had chose to leave without even a goodbye;

Now every-things fading away and time is flying real fast; Yesterday's past, today passed, future's present

I'm not yet gone but all that's left are bones; and 21? if this if this it it was too short yet so long

maybe I had simply chosen to illude myself; blinded by the thought of becoming man again

truth is happiness is a magic trick some of us never master well; with time the knowledge fades away.