Drunken Rampage

If life was a person, it would be one mean ma’****er.

Why does everybody keep going back to the same old question?

What have you been up to friend?

Doesn't it ever get old?

I’ve been around, out and about, just spreading my wings.

I haven't found my place yet.

Every next place starts out well like every other before, magical & exciting but just a few days it already feels like where I’m coming from.

It gets old.

It’s as if my life is a jigsaw & I’m trying so hard to find my perfect fit within all the chaos of misplaces pieces.

I'm like that one lone piece shaped like it could almost fit everywhere but always very hard to find it's fit anywhere;

Really falls heavy on the players mind; he saves me for the last.

Maybe I might just be that lone piece in God's mind.
The elusive one being saved for last; so he can fit into any left over spaces;

He hasn't figured out where I'd be best; what worries me though is the fear that my patience within is wearing thin.

Sometimes I wake up in the morning thinking, “Why don't I just buy a gun and drill a big hole through my big head?” Even if just to find out what all these suicides’ fancy in death.

Personally I happen to think life is pretty great.

Of course it's when you have a goal; a dream; significance; something; when you have a clue of where you're heading;

Not having your destiny stuck in a vacuum. Within the tips of your reach but not there yet; no wind, nothing to give it that extra push: not a storm to be seen when you need it.

Death, would give anything never to marry him; i appreciate life but better him than a statue for a wife.

Suicide; It's nothing close to being called a purpose in life; not much significance; not much achievement in it; a waste of an existence; but right now achieving it would count as success to me: at least it something not nothing;
I have a burning thirst for feelings; pain, misery, anything: I’m emptier than a plain white sheep of paper;

Suicide; it sure would feel much better than being stuck here, within this idleness of a destiny.


Things haven't always been so bad for me.

I've had the sun shine on me quite a number of times in this shortness of my life.

I'm thankful to God & any other supernatural power out there that's been to my aid; if any! I’m thankful everyday.

I've had my share of favors thrown my way. I never take them lightly; I'm grateful always.

So much grateful I look to do the same for someone else out there, someone in need of a helping hand.

Not too strong an arm, mine; a helping hand all the same. I know it would do some person some good.

Blessings don't always have to rain from above or any other hell they drop out from; we just need to learn to care enough for the next man to be blessings to ourselves.

We can all be blessings to each other; me to you; you to him; him to her; all the way, everyday.

You don't need to be all that great to do something so great for your neighbor; all you need is heart.


Sometimes I surprise even myself with the things I say. Sometimes I feel like I talk more like a man of the cloth.

Anyway, all this time I've been holding still; I still will for as long as i can; fighting impatience everyday; maybe one I'll even manage a knockout win.

Can't wait for that day!

When I'll finally find my way back to the main road; a purpose to drive towards, maybe even a dream.

I'm sure it will come with some peace of mind; For now I'll just take everyday as they come; bitter, sweet, bitter-sweet;


I'm not really feeling sorry; I would like me and him to get to better terms like we were before and even though everything I told him was real it isn't anything I'd say sober.

I give him the respect he deserves given he’s my father;

After all, we are all humans, aren't we? All capable of somehow really screwing things up somewhere along the way; right?

I know he’s done his best; I haven’t always been the best of sons; and though his best doesn't seem like much of anything to me it still should matter.

It should count for something. Right?

Anyway, I know we are both too proud and stubborn to apologize to each other and even if we do I think I'd have to take the first step out through these doors of pride because I he’s too proud to go first.

Like father like son; maybe there is some sense in the dumb saying after all; but even if I were to be the first to say “I'm sorry” I wouldn't be doing it for the same reason I want it to be for .

I think In my mind I'm telling my self that I'm being the better man;

It's like I'm leaving this house filled with pride for the right reasons and going outside where we all are just men, vulnerable peace loving men but in stead enter another house filled with even bigger demons ;

A house filled with even greater pride than the one I was in.

“Being the better man” Really?

WTF?

Either I'm possessed by a demon or something worse off or I'm a very disturbed person.


So now I'm through, I'm through with the apology

'An Apology to Dad' I think I’, dreaming; to who? ... For what? ... Still is pretty hard to believe

I mean.

Yeah! I was right when I said it before, if life as it is now is such a ***** If it were human it would be one sick wicked mean …

I know I said I'm grateful for a lot and It seems like I’ve been blessed these few past days but one way or the other life always finds a way to screw with, either with you, your mind or your thoughts.

Not forgetting it's always screwing with our emotions.

Okay he was first to make contact to just say “Hi!” He’s been as good a father as he can be;

Parenthood, it's like driving; every time behind the wheel you get better and better at it; but come on, why didn't your God make it a little better if he’s all that?

Giving life to someone isn't a license to screw around with someone's living, is it?

I mean If he's as great as you … claim he is; why does parenthood have to be a driving test?

I may sound evil as hell to you pretty … out there who have had pretty good drivers behind your wheels; but when you're the vehicle of that drank driver; the one always hitting and killing everything around him, sucking the life out of everything he gets his hands on; you would be thinking differently if not dead already.


Now I'm trying to picture his response once he reads it, the apology; it's why I'm sending it by email, that is if I'll ever send it at all because I know it will give me sometime to think up a response for after he's read it;

I mean, the man rarely reads his emails; then he'll be like “Hallo Kibiwott? ...'

“Shit!” I'm a bright intelligent man: I’m not kidding & I’m not bragging either;

And if you think I am, sure then I am and I have got no ****ing apology for you; Yes, most a times I always know what someone’s respond to a question is before they say it but his response to this apology still is a mystery.

I don't know, it's one thing I can't get my head on and it's just there without an answer: Just swimming butterflies and whatever other swimming styles it's swimming in my mind and thoughts .

It's like a question I just can't get outta my mind;

A mathematical equation;

Probably a force unbalanced; say, a reaction force without an action or momentum without inertia; does that make sense to you? Any sense at all?

Think of the balance of the world if things were to get to that degree; we'd all be dead even before World War 1; Hell, probably before our evolution into sensible people;

Charles Darwin would have been born a monkey and died as an even dumber one, right?

Think of; think of good without evil or evil without good. Would any of them in either case make any sense to you? If it would to you then you are the one person I'd like to meet in this pile of **** of a life; either you are madder than I am or you are just stupid.

Just think about it...who'd God be without Lucifer? No wonder Adam & Eve were so dumb.

It's not like I'm ungrateful or something. I have a lot to be proud about; to be happy; most a times when my emotions and thinking aren't flipped up side down I even thank my god for all he is done for me like I have got the most perfect person as a mother and siblings I'd never trade for anything

Hell, my dad is great. There's nothing like a man who tries to mend his mistakes; we are all human. A man who mends his mistakes is a right man.

I'm sorry you read this if it offends you but I'm and will never be sorry for writing and thinking it. Crucify me!

Yeah! What do you think I've always been doing since that man?

First of all, welcome . . . as for this poem, I like it. Look forward to reading more of your work.

Thanks...LIfe is word and thought...finally at a place i may fit in...thanks again...
have a look at 'DRUNKEN RAMPAGE 2'
LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THHINK,,,THOUGH MY ENGLISH ISN'T SO GOOD