Today has been one aggravating day. I decided to go ahead and work some complaints today. Of course I have to take the high ground with these complaints. But sometimes they make me wonder about people. I wound up in the middle of an argument. I could see both sides. Here it is.

I don't understand why a man wants to take offense when a woman turns him down. If you get turned down by some stranger-woman on the net, Big deal. Go and get another one. There are millions of them out there. It's what I've always done. Worked for me.

Why do a lot of women have to have a list of what they think they want? I see a lot of women who seem to think that they have to have certain things. The guy has to fit in the box she made. If he doesn't fit in the box, no matter the reason, he's not good enough. Like this guy today. I understand why he was pissed off. But at the same time? She didn't like it because he lived at his mother's house. His dad had his own set of health problems.

He has some health problems too. So, He thought is would be to everyone's best interest if he lived there. She didn't like that. She didn't want to date him just on that one thing. But here is the thing that's really out there. It turns out that she lives with her daughter and her husband.

When questioned on it, she told him that it was different. There is a difference between a man of 53 that lives with his 80 something-year-old parents. And her living with her daughter and her husband. I have to admit, I can understand his frustration. They seem the same to me.

It's like there is a double standard. It applies to the man and not the woman. What ever happened to accepting someone and loving that person for who they are & what they are and where they are at?

Where did the pride in some men go? If one woman doesn't want you, Go find one that does. I don't understand how anyone, man or woman can ask for something that they themselves are not willing to give. I think I will end it here.

Start on that book yet?

For the OP

Additional Rant: In relation to the OP, at least check, verify and confirm the man or woman you are interested with.

Peace

Good job, Charles!

Same reason why people rant.

It's the same motivation.

They have some kind of an emotional reaction, they need to find an outlet because of it, that's the particular reaction that works for them; taking offense. Others go find forums, or comment sections, or chat rooms, and rant to strangers to let it out.


So there is no difference between women?
You just sign on, hit the search tab, and start at the top left hand profile, email them, and work your way down the list, covering them all?


Because most women have been asked that stupid question by stupid guys "so, what are you looking for in a guy? What do you like in a guy? What traits do you find the most attractive? Why kind of guy is your 'type?'"

It's as common as "so what do you do for a living?"

Have you tried to come up with "intelligent" ways to describe your job? Padding your job title? Trying to describe all the "good" things about your job to tell people why it's awesome and fascinating?


Most of the time there isn't.
What there is, is a failure to communicate.

Never accept at face value the reasons why someone rejects you.
The only important thing is that they are rejecting you and they communicate it as a decision and not a hypothetical.
Especially if you haven't ever dated them before, or for very long.
They are going to tell you crap in order to do 1 of 3 things.
1. Protect you.
2. Protect themselves.
3. Some combination of 1 and 2.

When people give you a reason as to "why" it's never so simplistic to be one single solitary thing.
People are complex.

They build up emotions over time.
Little nuggets of negative emotional reactions snowball with new information. Same with positive ones.
Then, certain things just make that snowball big enough to teeter over and push it towards taking action.
Lots of people just scapegoat the straw that broke the camels back because they think that's what caused the biggest negative emotional reaction.


Accepting comes after you really know someone, what motivates them.
If you accept someone before you even know them, it kinda makes knowing them pointless, which ultimately makes the other person pointless except as an object for you to accept and then change yourself to accommodate them in order to prove that you've accepted them.
Most sane people won't do that.

The examples in the OP speak of people that don't really know each other.


I would think just dropping one woman without feeling bad, without taking offense, without being hurt by rejection, would indicate an absence of pride.

I'm just thinking of people like the Butabi brothers, or the 40 year old guy at the nightclub wearing a shirt that says "this isn't a beer belly, it's the fuel tank to my sex machine," hitting on every 20 year old girl they come across, being constantly rejected, and having it not faze them so they just move on trying to find one that doesn't reject them.

Well said breeze. You punctured men's ( mine too) ego . You are absolutely right in your expressive views. But unfortunately many women fail to communicate like this to their partners.

Based on the OP.

Woman doesn't want to date the man because the family has health issues and she might have to take care of them. (That's what come to my mind)

And the woman live with the daughter and husband because its her daughter and maybe the husband is taking care of the household expenses and she don't have to pay for it.

But why is there a double standard? The situation is not the same..
Most man will also not accept woman if her family has health issues and staying together. Am I right?

Man should just leave this woman without thinking.
Not worth it anyway

Dude most women want a MAN, a man that's independent & has his shiit together, living with parents even tho a man is independent or not still doesn't seem too cool to most women no matter what the reason & it can be a turn off to them...

being a strong independent man & free, with focus & determination can be what most chicks would prefer i think, so ladies please feel free to send your applications to me

I agree, Charles....it sounds like a double standard to me. Some women seem to think that their rules are the only rules. To me, it is like the women who seem to always fall for the "bad boy"...some men also seem to fall for the "crazy biotch".
This guy needs to forget about her and move on to find a woman who accepts his situation, just like she wants him to accept her situation.

I respectfully disagree. Accepting someone comes from the start. If you can't accept someone, how can you say that you were attracted to them in the start? You can't be attracted to someone and not accept them. It doesn't work that way.




Hum? Again, I respectfully disagree. This is pride. Pride in one's self. With a little common sense mixed in. Why take offense to a stranger on the internet that doesn't answer you message, or just rejects you period? As far as from a man's perspective goes, There are a blue million women out there. God didn't make just one. If one rejects you, don't you have the ability to get another one? Or maybe you lack confidence in yourself and your ability to get another.

You say, Dropping a woman without feeling bad. How can you drop someone that has already dropped you? What is there to feel bad about? If you take offense at being rejected by a stranger on the internet, You must have some underlying problems with yourself.



If your ego gets punctured that easy, Maybe you not should be on an internet dating site. If you don't have enough confidence in yourself, you will get your ego punctured for sure.



I respectfully disagree. It is the same. She is living with her daughter and son in law. He is living with his elderly mom & dad. Either way you cut it, both are living with family. If it's acceptable for the woman to do it, It should be acceptable for the man too. If it's not for him, but it is for her, It's a double standard, And it's wrong. As far as the health issues go, If you love each other the way you should, You accept the man or the woman where they are.

Women always want their man to accept her and her family. Most will say that it's a package deal. You either accept her kids, her mother and dad etc, or get lost. Since that's the case most times, it should be the same for the man and his elderly mom & dad. If you can't, It's a double standard, and it's wrong. You can't ask someone for something that you are not willing to give yourself.



I won't argue this too much. In a way, you are right. But in another, you just slapped a lot of men in the face.

Is a man any less of a man just because of where he lives? That's essentially what you are saying. A man in his 50's unmarried that chooses to live with is elderly parents and carry his share of the load, he is still less of a man? And all of this is based on where he lives. A man or a woman for that matter should be able to choose to live where ever they want to live without being discriminated against on that one thing.

I know that there are a lot of sorry men out there that choose to live in their momma's basement and mooch off of momma.

But not all men or women are that way. I have found that the few that I know about. They carry their own weight. Sometimes more. They take care of things that their mom or dad can't do anymore. They hold a job down. do 40+ every week. They keep the grass cut. Take care of things around the house.

Is he any less of a man? To me, it's a slap in the face to say that a man that takes on such responsibility is less of a man and not worthy of dating and maybe finding love. Which is essentially what folks are saying that turn someone down before they know everything. To me, A guy like this should be looked up to. Don't look at where he lives. Look at his actions.




Amen

I'm not sure about "accepting" people that you're only just getting to know and might not even have met in person yet. I'm sure that I recall you telling a few stories about women that you met that you weren't too impressed with. It's absurd to say that you should unconditionally accept a virtual stranger and I'm sure that you can't have meant that.

I do think that there's a difference between dating somebody that's not going to be all judgmental with you and meeting somebody that you feel that you can say anything to and just be yourself and the latter type aren't the ones that have those long lists of requirements on their profiles.

They're all judging and sizing you up though. And it's not even that they just bail when they decide that something about you is unacceptable. They're also thinking that there are millions of other men out there and if you're what they really want.

You seem to almost be saying contradictory things. You seem to be ranting about lots of women not "accepting" ( i.e rejecting) and also saying to stop whining about just that.

I'd be really surprised if this were the actual case, it may be the ONE thing she is focusing on, but I'd be willing to bet there are other reasons too...she just may not be saying them

People on both sides of the gender have their lists of minimum requirements and wish lists. Or and I think this is everyone's right boundaries.

I clearly do not seek someone who lives with parents because I live independently and I have done my share of caregiving. I know full well if I selected someone who is living in his parents home that at some point I would become the caregiver once again and I feel like I have done my share. I also believe if a man can not afford to live independently then he certainly will not be able to be a traditional provider and me be the homemaker.

What I do not understand is the people who want to insist it is their right to dictate that I take on, under the guise of sharing their responsibilities, some that they took on knowing at some point it was going to be too much for them to handle; but they did it anyway. In my age frame it is typically out of wed lock children, second or third families that have multiple problems, failed or failing businesses, massive tax leans, and massive credit card debt for toys/vehicles that are long gone. I have even been told that I will be expected to babysit grand children and pay for car's, weddings or at least take on all the work of managing those things so he has time to pursue hobbies or pay his kids or ex to sit on their behind; sometimes in drug and alcohol situations that have been going on for decades. Not even interested in being and unpaid Nanny/Granny slave in my golden years.

So, essentially, What everyone is saying here, if you are a man that chooses in his later years to live with his parents, He may as well give up and die alone. It doesn't matter what kind of man he really is. He's not worthy of dating or having someone to love or to love him.

Instead of looking at the man, or woman for that matter, and seeing who he/she is, you look at everything around him/her and judge by that. And that only? Have we as people slid that far down? You know, I see a lot of people on dating sites.

I come to Mingle mostly for the forums. The other site I'm on is the biggest dating site on the net. I see all these millions of people. I chose to listen to their gripes and complaints. One of the big things I notice is all these people, men and women that never seem to find anyone.

Sometimes I wonder if we as humans have made so many rules about dating, we nit pick to much. We are, well, for lack of a better word. We screw ourselves into winding up alone. We gotta have this. We gotta have that. He has to be this or she has to be that. I'm starting to understand why there are so many people that are alone now.

It seems to me that we as people have built this giant wall between ourselves. Could we all be expecting too much from each other? Have we forgotten how to accept a man/woman for who they are? Without putting undue pressure on everyone? It almost sounds to me like men and women are just about to the point to where they have no need for each other. Except for the obvious. Reproduction. Or to scratch an itch every now and then.

I do wonder if it would matter if his Parents were living under his roof, instead of him living under their roof......


essentially the caregiving aspect would still be there, but I do wonder if it would be perceived differently. ...

ladies thoughts?

All I got was.. trying to fit in her box

Oh come on, the reason why guys go for "crazy biotch's" and girls go for "bad boy's" is because of the action and excitement.

The alternative is being with someone who bores you to death


I like people who are always smiling or laughing and half baked (like me) Makes me start everyday with a laugh...

I appreciate also that there may be times when a certain amount of seriousness and decorum is required too...


Charles...
I think it is the wording which is causing the issue,
because if a guy lives with his parents...
this gives the impression he is under their roof and therefore NOT as independent?

If the wording were....
His parents are living with him,
This gives the impression he is taking taking care of his parents, and shows not only is he independent but sensible enough to respect and show the same love to his parents as they shown him whilst bringing him up....

As for the woman would lived with her husband and daughter,
Who knows what her real reasons are?
Understanding how a womans mind works,
is like having all encompassing knowledge

I'm actually still a bit confused about what the rant even is. You said that it doesn't matter if a woman on the internet rejects you but you're complaining about it on behalf of "a friend". You're not bothered yourself because there are millions of other women but you're frustrated by the expectations that women have of men these days.