Right. Well, you meet someone else that's got a job and's looking for a relationship. You've been banging this other broad but you've not actually got a girlfriend and you are available.

You are actually interested in a serious relationship and so is this other lady. You are both looking for the same thing and you aren't playing her. But maybe you did just meet her and aren't sure if she's girlfriend material yet. You've got two women interested in you and no future with one of them and possibly a future with the other.

It often happens that people "cheat" at the beginning of relationships but it's debatable that it's cheating because you're just getting to know each other and didn't necesssarily say that you wanted to be their one and only yet. If they've got principles about no sex before monogamy I guess that you have to agree to that and you can't shag anyone else while you're dating her but you maybe have your old FWB as a fallback if it doesn't work out.

You didn't say how I contradicted myself there Eric.

I'll try to explain it in simple terms to you, without trying to brag about my sexual exploits, or just repeating myself pointlessley.

It's someone that we're assuming for the sake of argument, as stated in previous posts where I tried to explain to you what sort of person they are, isn't looking for a relationship or just friendship. Now, you can try to work out however you like what you're getting inbetween that but it's someone that wants sex and assuming that they're a woman they aren't just going to drop their drawers for you until there's been a bit of foreplay first.

I really don't want to be a patronising git here but I'm talking about the stuff that you do on a date before you take your clothes off and that being fun and not just a formality. It's like entertaining a lady isn't just about getting your knob out and it might even be fun and make the bit where you do get your knob out more fun and not get you arested.

Well no. A casual date for me wouldn't have to be all about the sex. That's not all that I like to do on a date and I like talking to women. A friend with benefits is somebody that you have a friendship with, however superficial it might be.

However, they can't have it both ways if they're saying that they don't want to get involved. If they don't want a relationship with you then they can't expect you to be their boyfriend when it suits them and just a guy that they have sex with when it doesn't. That's when you get into a one sided relationship where they're getting it all their own way. They don't want to be your wife or girlfriend. They don't want to meet your parents. They've got their own life and you've got yours. When you get together you do whatever but if they've told you that they just want a casual relationship you're not courting them and trying to see how you work together as a couple.

And I wouldn't call it a date if it was just being friends without benefits. If I had a female friend that I wasn't romancing she would be just that; a friend and nothing else.

Well, when you talk about them always flirting with other people when you're out on a date that's talking about it a bit like you're actually a couple.

Do you go out to parties with them and mix with their social circle? Do you want to meet their friends and do they want you to meet their friends, given that you're just their dirty little secret? Who are they going to flirt with when you're out on a date with them? The waiter? Taxi driver? Why do you care anyway? You're the one that's banging her and you can tell her that if that's not good enough for her then she can go and try and find somebody that will do it better.

Only if you want something serious with them though. That's what I'm saying.

It's possible that you may feel that you do somewhere down the line but you're not bothered about that because they're not relationship material. It's someone that isn't what you're looking for in a partner. Could be somebody that you like spending time with but couldn't live with. It's someone that could be saying that they're just a no strings sort of person. Maybe they say that they like male company but don't want to wash a man's socks and cook his dinner for him. There could be lots of reasons why you wouldn't want a serious relationship with somebody that you might want a casual relationship with.

Point is that it's short term satisfaction against disappointment only if you want it to be more than it is. If it can't be more than it is and you're not happy with it anymore you move on. You finish it.

Well, I'm flattered that you pose that question to me Crystal and not just because you have a curiocity about gimps but I can at least tell myself that you're interested in finding out more about me and trying to understand me as a person, even though you have no doubt gathered by now that it's going to be complicated to do that.

What was the question again? Well, the easy answer is to say that I'm not completely blind and when I make love to a beautiful woman it's not a completely tactile thing. It's true though that that sense is impaired and I can perhaps be a better lover because my other senses are comparitively heightened in comparison.

But anyway, to go back to trying to answer your question, you seem to be saying that I'm talking shite when you say that my story doesn't stand up. Well, all that I can say to that really is that if you took your bra off I could tell you if you have big boobs without touching them and it wouldn't be like reading the bottom line of an optician's chart. From a certain distance I might even be able to tell if your nipples were hard. I can watch porn, even if I don't get the same benefit that a fully sighted person would get and because my sight is impaired a woman would perhaps have to be more gorgeous than she would have to be for me to find her beautiful if I could see better.

Right. So, if she's not "stunning" but she maybe has big boobs you can work with that. It's something you want anyway. If you like big boobs and she's up for it there's a bit of chemistry there and you're initially and tentatively interested in her at least.

She might be a really cool person and even if she isn't super hot you would bang her maybe. You're just not that bothered if she can't compensate for being someone that isn't completely gorgeous, so you have to get to know her a bit first before you can tell if she can do that.

Seems like they have to overcompensate maybe but that's debatable. Like when someone that tries to make her think that he's a nice guyhas to do that because women don't find him sexually atractive and he reasons that women can get hot guys if they want, so that they don't care about that and just want a nice guy. The obvious fallacy here is that assuming that women should want a nice guy means that that's all that they want. Also that hot guys aren't nice because they don't have to try to be nice to get women, therefore they're not nice.

Doesn't matter. I honestly don't know how to get a second date with somebody that isn't hot and up for it. I'm rubbish at pretending that I'm interested in women that I don't fancy.

It's a funny thing. Intuitive perhaps. A voice inside your head saying that you do want this person. They turn you on or they turn you off and it seems like a very primal thing but there's maybe a difference between me saying, "She's totally hot and she seems nice and she's up for it. Hell, yeah!" and sitting there trying to see if it's there with somebody that isn't exactly like that.

Now, I understand that you can't always expect them to be totally hot and up for it and perhaps you do need to get to know each other a bit first. Some people might even have their reasons for needing to get to know someone first even if they are hot and up for it. Maybe they're fighting off the hotties and aren't really in a hurry.

How does it happen? How do you become hot and up for it with somebody that isn't hot and up for it? Is there really any point in going on a date if they aren't hot and up for it?

I'm only looking to date locally. I'm not bothered about writing all about myself for people on other planets to decide if I might be "the one". I've got enough pictures for them to decide if they like the look of me and a short list of interests if they want to say, "Hey, we might have something in common."

As far as the forums go, the women that I want to date don't read them and as my forum persona is a fictional character from a video game I don't know if a woman's really going to be interested in dating me based on the nonsensical drivel that I post on the internet when I'm bored. Saying that. My previous profile text was nonsensical drivel that I posted on the internet when I was bored and I still got dates with it.

Well, I think that if you look at my profile it says that I'm open to meeting somebody new and that I don't want to be too fixed in my ideas about what sort of woman that I want to date. Also, that I'm open/ undecided about having kids.

Women are going to read what they want into it. Maybe they think, "This guy would date a slut, so that's all he's looking for." Yeah. Well, certainly I'm a horny guy, so if you're the prim and proper type we're not really compatible. I'm not writing a load of cheesy drivel on my profile about how I'm seeking my soulmate. May as well say that I'm looking for someone that can cook and clean. Bollocks to listing my preferences as if they are non negotiables.

A tip that I would give is to just not get enticed by anyone that says that they want to build a connection online first before meeting. This may seem like a rather cynical piece of advice because you've got to make them like you enough usually before they'll make a date but getting emotionally involved with someone that you only know on the internet can be a bad idea and not just because of scammers.

The LDR crowd have to do all of that connection building jazz and that's their thing but you really don't have to bother with time wasters if you're dating locally. There's just no reason to drag it out with endless aimless emails when you can find out if somebody that you're genuinely interested in is for you by just meeting them.

Alternatively, if you're worried that the person may be a psycho, then fanny them about for ages and keep refusing to make a date. If they get pissed off with that and finally lose their patience then you can tell yourself that you made a lucky escape there.

Well, I'll answer it for you. The answer is no. People that have a FWB can indeed do that and go out and meet someone that they do want a relationship with, just like someone in an unhappy marriage can meet someone else before they get divorced.

I don't know about that. Like I said, they could just not be someone that you would want to settle down with because they're not really what you're looking for in a partner but you get on as friends and like the benefits. Of course there are people that want more than casual sex but do it because they're sexually frustrated or a bit lonely. You could spend years looking for a serious relationship and maybe never get it. Do you have to put that search off while you've got a **** buddy?

Well, you said that she was your ex the other day and you obviously went back to her. There's not enough information here to give you advice though.

You say that you caught her cheating several times. Really? Actually caught her in the act did you? What evidence of her cheating do you have? Been going through her phone or email? Found a used condom somewhere? Saw her give a guy a lap dance in the strip club where she does that for a living?

We just don't know if she's a cheat or if you're just paranoid. She's a stripper. She slept with you on the first date. Because you're hot supposedly. You don't trust her is the bottom line.

Yes, it can get complicated and people can get hurt but on the other hand you could date people that you don't really see as relationship material and you wouldn't be messing them about. Well, you could maybe tell yourself that anyway. You're certainly entering into a situation with someone that would want rid of you as soon as you said that this isn't what you want anymore.

Yeah. I know what you mean. If it's someone that's saying that they don't want to get involved then you have to take the same atitude with them. Don't get into a one sided relationship where the other person's getting it all their own way. You can't expect to be both treated like a whore and a princess.

I get your point but I think that you really only get your heart trampled on if you put all your eggs in one basket. There's a difference between just settling for what you can get and keeping your options open. It's your own fault if you start getting ideas that something could be more than it is and the same goes for playing along with their romantic BS when they're quite clearly saying that they will never love you.

What's shocking or scarey about that?

It's a hypothetical question, like I said. Don't assume anything about me from it. What's wrong with it? someone tells you that they just want somebody to have a bit of fun with and hang out with sometimes and they don't want to get "involved". You agree to it if it seems like a mutually acceptable arangement. It's not for life and there's no commitment.

Do people that say that they're just looking for no strings want to have their cake and eat it?

I didn't ask you out on a date. It was a hypothetical question.

They aren't mutually exclusive. I thought that was pretty clear from my post.