ok, im going to do something that i have never in my life done...im going to open up and lay it all on the table, point blank...

this whole week has been one big test for me, and quite frankly, it feels like im failing. monday night i walked into my moms room to her choking on her vomit while she was passed out. i called 911 and got an ambulance on the way. while on the phone with the dispatcher i had to throw cups and sups of cold water on her to get her to keep her eyes open. when the paramedics finally got there we came to find out that she had intentionally overdosed on sleeping pills as well as blood pressure pills. by the time we arrived at the hospital, literally 5 minutes away, she had stopped breathing on her own and they had to put a breathing tube down her throat and pump her full of IV fluids to keep her blood pressure up because the meds she took were to lower it. by that time it was too late to pump her stomach because she had taken them a few hours prior to me finding her. i had to sit there and watch as she gagged on the breathing tube, wondering why she would do this to herself...it really is a feeling that you cant describe. so i stayed up all night at the hospital until i went home around 8am and finally got to sleep after being awake for 27 consecutive hours. i wake up to a phone call saying i need to get back up there that she was crashing. i get back up there and all i see is doctors everywhere...i signed what needed to be signed and was immediately told to go to the waiting room. so a while later one of the nurses comes out and says shes stable and whatnot and that i can go back to see her...she was unconcious due to the IV they had given her to relax her so she would stop fighting and trying to pull out the tube. so i went home and decided to go through her night stand to see if there was anything else that she had taken and stumbled upon a few diaries from back when i was a baby up until i was around 5 or 6. the biggest mistake i made was opening that first diary...within the first 10 pages i found out more about my infant/toddler years then i wished to know. not only did my mom take my sister and i, when i was 18 months old, and tried to jump off a bridge with us in hand, but when i was 1 she got pregnant with what would be my little brother, but he passed away 2 days after he was born. i then came to find out that all this time, my mom blamed me for his death...theres more to the diaries but that could go on even longer. so thats pretty much been my week up to today. my ex and i have had plans to go to a halloween party at a mutual friends house for a while now. he decides to tell me half an hour before we were supposed to go that hes going, but hes not bringing me with because theres going to be a girl there that he wants to flirt with and doesnt want me around. thanks alot a$$hole. so it was at that point where i basically told him that i dont want to be friends with him anymore...so now i have that, on top of what ive already gone through this week and i just feel a huge meltdown coming along and im freaking out...i have no idea what to do right now, this is just too much to handle within one week...and i appologize for this long novel but i needed to get it out...



*sigh*

haha i have some blue water wings? lol well, in theory theyre my 3yr olds...

what you playin with hmmm?

bring. it.

i call your bullsh!t and raise you 50!

i trust myself.




other then that, i have been proven not to trust others.

red. not too keen on white wine...

if i did that everyone would think i was crazy or something...

welcome to MY world!!!

thats why im drinking wine from the bottle.


its way hot ;)

lucky.




wine for me :)

i confess that i am very much intoxicated.

i ran out of wine and had my neighbor go get me more...

wow...thats deep

:)

*sigh*

people never cease to amaze me...




drink anyone?

...just take responsibility for what they did? Why do they have to try to place the blame elsewhere?

I don't get it!

cheesy gizzardbutt? lol

because my dad is 69 and my mom is 48...

i think id be more upset at the fact that they still GOT frisky then i would them being in my bed... *shudder* you can always wash your sheets, but you cant very well wash that thought lol

i dont think youre crazy...i have premonitive dreams sometimes...people think im crazy for that until it actually happens.

i dont think i own a white pair of shoes lol

im Dia...like dee-uh.

:)

no need to frown sweetie