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Yea I pretty much agree with this idea too. I do think sometimes you can negotioate with a partner to be more expressive. If a person comes from a culture or it is just their style not to be expressive sometines "the talks" or just positive reinforcement can adapt behavior. And even understanding. I can remember as a young bride my husband telling me how much he hated someone in his work and dearly wanted to punch him out effectively ending his career and he told me the only reason hi did not was because he wanted that job to make his love visable to me. That kind of stuck in my mind. Sometimes people say I love you with different words an actions/ Human communications :rolleyes: 
Do you know Paul Watzlawick? |
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Hmmm... If I chose to have a partnership with a person, that includes the devotion to give my care, if needed... as well as being entitled to receive care should I need it... much more so if my partner already needs care, when I decide to found that partnership. He/she knows what's coming, so I don't see any kind of shortchangeing... I would have a long word with him/her, speaking about what is coming up, and I would want him/her to TRY and do his best, not to succeed... especially care can be much more demanding, once you're in it, than it seems when you think about it...
As the care receiving partner, I think I feel the obligation to make my partner's life and care for me as easy as possible. And (Love is never a one way street) I would not want him to break under the stress... I would rather let him/her go if I really love him... |
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A "cheating" value that exists for some is that to have a "casual" relationship before a committed one is cheating on the later relationship. Is chastity and cheating in the same concept? My feeling is no... if I fall in love, I have a wonderful feeling, the proverbial butterflies in my tummy (Whenever did I eat worms to get them there?) and all... but actually, I just start to get to know my partner, and there is a long way to go from "falling" to "loving"... and part of getting to know my partner is whether or not we will fit in the bedroom... our needs, our wishes, our drems, our DoNots... |
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Not really. Do NOT have any disagreement with you feeling whatever you feel . If it works for you and your mate cool. I think the OP was what do I think is cheating. I am trying to say why your definition would not fit for me. I know I have very few shades of gray in my definitions of "self rule" but that is not something I apply to everybody else as "right" or "wrong" for them. I think you try to tell someone else how they "should" or "should not" act then you will have "should" all over yourself and stink to high heaven. I do think people can compair ideals and sometimes that really influences the other in how they feel or at least understand values of others and it is a valid thing to have a variety of opinions tossed back a forth. I've lived along side a lot of values in my lifetime and seen some not work very well and learned some really do. AAAAHHHHH Okay, then I just understood you wrong... I know and think, that some things are worthless if you have to ask for them... like if you have to ask your partner to say "I love you", you will never know whether he does it, because he FEELS it... or does it because you asked for it... But even if you don't SAY it, like in "Sit down, I need to have a word with you!", you still should (I feel) communicate it... even though I found that guys are pretty bad at receiving subtle signals, you best write what you want to communicate on the baseball bat that shows the house rules... :rolleyes: |
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I think there are other ways of cheating a spouse too; often spouse cheat economically. It really makes me wonder when I see a spouse hiding money becasue it is obvious theat they are not all in on a relationship and basic trust of the other person being faithful to the partnership about spending resources does not exist. HERE we are on the same track... If I am really in a partnership, there is no "mine" or "yours", as far as ressources are concerned... Being partners means it's all "ours". Period. |
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Edited by
SanneHan
on
Wed 03/21/12 10:37 AM
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I don't think that is true because there is a level where if you really love someone you just see no need . Yes you may occassionally have a thought and check yourself but you don't allow yourself to "go ther" so to speak. I was a military wife for years and don't kid yourself you have desires when your spouse is away but you either fatazize about them or you distract yourself with other thoughts and activitieis. LOL there is a reason my house was FI clean when my man came home and there isn't a weed in the garden now . So we agree to disagree... I think there have been so much testimonials here that you should be able to notice that values differ... what you propose here is nothing less than that YOUR values are the only ones a person in her/his right mind can have. I think the human race is a lot more diverse than that... and actually, I like that, and am quite proud of being out of my mind!! |
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Well you're fantasizing about being sexual with someone other than your partner. You're cheating in a way, no? You're lusting over someone other than your partner, who should be the only one you have any sexual desire for. It's kinda hard to explain, if you don't see it the same way. How is encouraging yourself to desire others sexually not a form of cheating? I agree with Totage on this. If you have to see someone other than your mate to "get your moter running" then your mate only pretending with you. If you genuinely love someone they are the hottest ticket on the block even if they are old, wrinkled, and any other forms of imperfections; the eyes will see through the heart. Well, if you see it like this, then any partner you have would be cheating on you... One more reason to communicate how you feel about cheating!? |
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Topic:
Lesbians
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Movies? That's in my head. As long as it stays there...
No, I meant "If we did, we wouldn't tell ya!" |
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Topic:
Lesbians
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and, as little as I like to admit it, we don't run around in sexy underwear all day... Well, and IF we did, we wouldn't tell ya! ;-) Do you have slow motion pillow fights dressed as Catholic school girls? See sentence 2 in post above! |
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Actually, the existence of concentration camps was internationally known way before the war - nobody made much of a secret about their existence, even if not much was known about what really happened there.
The "Holocaust" did not really start until the war was underway for long; until then it was pretty much "unorganized brutality and law free rooms", which made it easy for the personnell to live out their beliefs as well as their lower instincts... the organized Genocide wasn't started until the Wannsee Conference, which was held in January 1942... and there were early reports about what was happening there in America and England, too, but few, if any, believed them... And actually, I am not sure if things like that could never happen again in conditions like those in Germany in the 1920s, 1930s... unless we work against it continuously... |
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Topic:
Lesbians
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Hey gals....im wishing to meet any nice,loving and fun mature lesbians here...where u at? Oh, you do? I thought your prince was in England!? |
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Topic:
Logicals 3 - Free your mind
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"Next, you connect #10 with #10 " - GOSH, Sanne, wake up properly before making any substantial statements...
I bet all of you saw that that should read "Next, you connect #10 with #11"! |
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Edited by
SanneHan
on
Wed 03/21/12 01:04 AM
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I think we all agree on "cheating is wrong", mthom... that's not the point. The question is, what IS cheating for you?
I think cheating is whatever hurts your partner (C'mon, folks, I believe a lot, but NOT that none of the people here nevereverno cheated, so don't always tell it from the point of the hurt partner!)... so the ultimate test for me is to hold on for a second and try watching the situation through the eyes of my partner - would SHE feel like she was being cheated on by what I am doing? It IS hard, I know... especially if you are with someone like me... You're watching porn? I'll grab myself a coke and sit down beside you - maybe I can learn something, get an idea to try out. Maybe we'll just have a good time together if the movie is good enough to get us both aroused... You see someone that thrills you, go out with her/him, and have a good ole time in the back of his car? I'll kiss you when you come back in and ask whether it was good... AS LONG AS IT'S JUST SEX. When you go arm in arm with someone else when we leave the bar, you're treading thin ice... if you kiss someone in a loving, non-erotic way, or cuddle with someone, because that person makes you feel good, you might be in for me scratching eyes out - first yours, then his/hers... Cheating/not cheating is not always as easy as it sounds, and not so easily defined... plus: Whether I cheat or not, is not defined by what I consider cheating... it is defined by what my better half considers cheating... |
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Topic:
Logicals 3 - Free your mind
Edited by
SanneHan
on
Wed 03/21/12 12:22 AM
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Okay, I will solve this one, too... it is quite easy, actually.
I bet all those who tried, never let their lines stray out of the limits defined by those dots!? You have to to get anywhere - it doesn't say you may not anywhere. So let us widen that square by one dot wide and one dot high... O......O......O......o .......................... O....O....O .............. O....O....O . o So now let's start drawing lines - you start in the first line, and connect all four dots now, like this (I numbered the dots to go without proper graphics - SHEEESH I love fixed-width fonts!): 1---2---3---10 .............. 4....5....6 .............. 7....8....9 . 11 Next, you connect #10 with #10 - line two. You will notice that the line goes right through #6 and #8: 1---2---3---10 .................-. 4....5....6 .......-...... 7....8....9 ..- 11 Now connect #11 with #1, line 3: 1---2---3---10 -................-. 4....5....6 -......-...... 7....8....9 -.- 11 If you now connect #1 with #9, that line will automatically hit #5, and your fourth line does the job... 1---2---3---10 -..-.............-. 4....5....6 -......-...-.. 7....8....9 -.- 11 Easy - once you break free of the limits that your brain imposes on your thoughts... |
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Topic:
Cheating
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No, it has a lot to do with respect for my partner... I do willingly give up some of my freedoms, because I feel I get a whole lot more back, and if I love, I don't want to hurt my partner... So I try and find out what works, and what doesn't. And after I found that out, I can make my decision - can *I* give what my partner needs? Can my partner give what *I* need?
And according to that, I give my goddamnedest to fulfill those expectations... There may be (Heck there ARE) times when I can't live up to my or her standards, and then it may become neccessary to reconsider... and quitting is always an option then. But a losing the respect towards her is NEVER an option, because, after all, it makes not only HER smaller than she deserves to be (After all, she wqas good enough to fall in love with her), but also it makes ME smaller... So I rather end something that I can not live up to, than try to keep up something in a way that will sooner or later destroy either her or me or both of us... Did we speak about cussing somewhere lately??? |
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Topic:
Cheating
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It's texting with sexual content. I.E. dirty talking thorugh texts. You're not a stupid alien. Thank you so much *curtsy* - sometimes I feel like I am... Is that on the cell phone only, or does what we call hot chatting or cybersex, too? |
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Is the left arm considered to be Assualt rifle or Light machine gun? No |
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Topic:
Cheating
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Okay, guys, help a stupid alien out... what exactly do you call "sexting"?
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Edited by
SanneHan
on
Tue 03/20/12 09:31 PM
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Okay, after Romeo and Juliet have been buried in due respect, let's go with another one... as you know how things go now, let's try a little tougher:
It was in the time just before WW1, when there was a classified in the according part of the London Times: "Need left arm, will pay £10,000". When a bum sees that, he chose to inquire under the given adress in a fine part of town. He finds out that the originator of the classified is a doctor who really wants to have his left arm. After some talk the bum agrees, and his left arm is amputated in a hospital. After the bum has recovered, he is given the promised £10,000 and has the week of his life with his friends, before he is as broke as he was before. The doctor takes the arm home, packs it in a box, and mails it to Paris, France. There it is received, the adressant takes it out of the box, inspects it, nods satisfied - and throws it into the garbage. Three days later, a dead body is floating down the river Seine... What happened? |
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Topic:
Black Stories anyone?
Edited by
SanneHan
on
Tue 03/20/12 03:01 PM
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if you want, it's none of my business, but i would enjoy that chat with you.
If I didn't want to, I wouldn't ;) And if you expected me to, I wouldn't, either, lol! |
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