you wrote and i quote "If you dont like the question, you dont have to answer. I gave as much info as I felt comfortable in a public forum. I usually dont share my personal life here at all but this break up is getting the better of me and I was looking for some support. We both have short comings but I'm not going to put them on blast here.
This is WHY I dont share my personal life here, and I will keep it to myself in the future."

You,in your own profile try to impress all with your high I.Q...yet with all that brain ,you can not see the light....then I suggest all you are here for is to state your feelings and beg for support...How can we help you ? Smart men would not go near you at this point in your life and you ask what to do....Stay out of the dating world till you find out who you are and what your needs are.
In your profile you want older guys..You are 27 years young and knocking younger guys won't help either.You show that despite having a brain ,you still want to generalize and throw the blame on younger men.Has it occurred to you that you may be the problem.
By the way ,I never said I did not like the question..If you do not want to share your personal life ,then you are in the wrong place...not me...I have the right and the knowledge to use my keyboard and post whatever comments I want so long as I do not attack you or use vulgarity..

this was your answer to lilith and I agree it was a broad brushed effort to not discuss the issues that broke you two up.
you said"I was putting in a lot more effort than he was. Even after confronting him about it things didn't change. Maybe because he just wasn't capable of more."
is "effort" or "it" a clue word for love or money or sex or what was your problem with him.?You know, and wanted help dealing with it or you would not have brought it up, and now that you sparked a response ...you do not want to let us in on his shortcomings..whatever they were seems to be your problem and he isn't crawling back so live well and find someone who ( if not yourself ) can meet your demands..
problem solved....what's next?

After over 9000 posts here , haven't you figured out that we want the details before we give advice..

when the Wizard of Oz(in black and white) was a really scary movie and then came drive-in theater and it was so very,very cool..
and what about the piece of mind we had when we sat and listened to the stories of the Great Depression and feeling like they had obviously made stupid decisions and somehow this would never happen to us...
When I first read the topic ,I was like all of us , kicked back and reminiscing and now I just feel old..Facing Reality is cruel. The pure and innocent times are gone and as much as you meant well with your post ...it ends up to be a sad day when we are reminded of it...Just my opinion and I hope I do not get attacked for it...
on another note, do you men remember having your Dad show you the proper handshake.....look the other man dead in the eyes and your word was your bond.And never shake a ladies hand till she offered hers first..
for the women do you remember the the proper way to curtsy ?

You wrote this Angel and I must comment..PS....btw, your main avatar is a country scene, mike. Nice. I like nature.
I wish for all of you who have problems with unscrupulous folks to have a place to go like the avatar I use.This is a rustic little cabin that I look at from upstairs in my stilt house and it is deep in the woods.Just pure beauty and nature. If you can get back to nature and yourself and look across your front yard and say you would be happy with just that and yourself, then you may be content like me..Be happy single...it could be worse...You could be living with a liar destroying your peace of mind. I suggest that when you catch the first lie ,Run away...do not walk...(and I wonder why I am single)

Mind games you say...and what mind games are folks playing when they use monkeys and roses and such as their profile pic? The answer lies in the fact that people are people and they are all different and do as they please because it pleases them...suits their purposes so to speak....jmo

Your question was as follows..
When you get to know someone why as soon as they find out you have kids they leave you in the dust why does that happen?
The simple answer lies in the saying that "Love Conquers All"...
If that Love isn't there , then you're not going to make it anyway so in an odd sense , it is a blessing to you and the children that he or she did not stay and play you...

I can not resist this question...
Scenario is as follows...The child is grown and out of the home...no support ever paid by non custodial parent.. Do you think the monies should be collected now..and why?
If you say yes to this, then are you also saying yes to debtors prison(jailing for money)and would you agree to putting someone in jail for owing Sears Credit or a past due child support order....

Every situation is too complicated to discuss here...I never even eluded to changing the system myself..It takes people who are committed to dealing with politicians to change the law and I have been through the divorce thing and know well of the downside of the issues at hand..That is why I have spent years of my life working with legislatures and judges ,lawyers and congressmen to change the concept that money issues are more important than visitation. What have you done?

Templter,
I only threw that article at this subject to prove what selling our children leads to..GREED NOT NEED!!!
by the way are you more of a man than P.Diddy ,or maybe you pay more taxes than him, ...to me his child is as important as yours and if it can happen to the rich like that ,then what is happening to the lawyer less men in courtrooms everywhere.
There are horror stories abound over this subject and it is not a matter of monies so much as our losing our ability to live without the government telling us how much our children are worth..If you spent the monies the government spends on incarceration of deadbeats on the children ...it would be monies well spent...
To clarify my position for you ,I believe good parents do not need any court order and the penalty for being a deadbeat should not be jail..By definition ...Debtors prison is defined as follows ...a place to incarcerate till one comes up with money...In America , we lock regular folks up with all kinds of felons and folks ,that ain't right...
Templter, I know nothing about you but please do not take anything I have said on this subject lightly until you have the years built up that I have at trying to get the legislature to recognize fathers rights..

The following is true and is a form of abuse to anyone who lives in America and sees it....It proves how very wrong things are when our children have a price on their head....and the courts grant it...How sad....
Last month, the New York State Supreme Court's Appellate Division approved an increase from $5,000 to $21,782 per month to P. Diddy's ex-girlfriend, Misa Hylton-Brim Representatives of both P. Diddy and Hylton-Brim say it's the highest child support payment in state history.

In an interview with The Associated Press Tuesday, the hip-hop mogul vowed to appeal, saying the case was an attack on his character.

"It's not about money. I don't care how much money I have," he said. "If you come at me and say I don't take care of my child, I'm going to take care of that to the end."

He vowed to take the case to the Court of Appeals, the state's highest court.

In addition to child support, P. Diddy said he also pays for his 11-year-old son Justin's health insurance, tuition, vacations, clothes and other items, for a total of about $120,000 per year.
Related issue.......
Last year, Hylton-Brim sued P. Diddy seeking $35,000 a month in child support while she was divorcing the father of her other children.

Fran and all.Please think before you write.Fran thinks it is better to put folks in jail...hmm...let's see at a cost of 30,000 dollars a year to incarcerate ,why not give the child the 30,000 dollars a year...let the deadbeat go on in life and the state has lost nothing except the income from the judiciary branch..Follow the money trail and figure out why the state is involved in collecting child support...It is big business..for all who do not know about how child support started ,it is from the social security act...in an effort to save the states money...How are we saving money by incarcerating folks and what does that really do for the child? One does not earn too much from a jail cell.....hmmmmmm...so the child does without more because of what...money ,money money...and your belief that debtors prison is the way to go...What do you get done with a jail cell...Tell me please..........

You are living in a dream world where the government can solve everything..First if you are already behind in support then you really do not have the money for a lawyer to go back to court...You did not answer or ignored my statement about jail as a cure for failing to be on time with payments and once you are behind it is detrimental to the child's mental and emotional health to know that a parent is going to court to enforce their orders.Negative input gets negative results..and most kids know whats up.My parents have to go to court to settle their problems...how nice a thought for a child...

I never said anything that even closely states that parents are to be deadbeats.I however suggest that a parent has a moral duty to be a good parent.Too simple..since when did money build more character than lack of money..You mention a sorrowful life for a child who would not get 200 a month..give me a break..here is the breakdown on that...i hour extra per day at 6.25 gets the same result as you want the courts to guarantee...Now which is better ...work one hour extra per day or go to court to force someone else to do it...hmmmmm.

You state the following"Gods peace to you on this matter, and may you see the wisdom of BOTH sides of this evil fence."
THERE IS NO WISDOM IN USING CHILDREN TO GET MONEY!!!IT IS EVIL TO DO SO ..WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW FORCED VISITATION WHICH IS AS IMPORTANT TO A CHILD TO PREVENT SORROWFUL EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL SCARS?

Traciann.
I have tried for three days to not reply to this subject but I feel I must as age does bring a certain form of wisdom through experience.
Please do not use words like "will they make me drive?" It is a privilege and honor to do the right thing and no one can make you do anything with a paper from a court..however you can do it because it is the proper form of parenting and enjoy the inconvenience you are experiencing.All children deserve the right to know their parents and because you two failed each other does not mean you should fail to do the right thing for the child.Give the father visitation as much as you can and learn to love it..Your child may well learn about compassion and good parenting through your and your ex's examples.
Now for the child support issue..I detest the idea that one needs a court order to get monies to raise a child..A good parent does not need a court order to do the right thing.They do what they can and that should be the way it is.If in a troubled economy like we see now ,how would you feel if your ex lost his job for a while ...Should he be threatened or even put in jail....Hell no!!! Bad for him .you and the child and the economy..but everyone wants the security of a piece of paper that says pay or go to jail...(we left England for reasons like debtors prison but in modern day America we use our children to earn money).How sad..
Traciann, I urge you to think about one thing, what if your ex died tomorrow...what would you do then? Now that is the reality of the situation you are in...Please just think about that and remember that anything you get from your ex voluntarily or by court order is a gift and could be lost anytime..Now how secure do you feel now...Reality bites !

Sage ,
While I respect your opinion and advise from a moderators point of view ,I have problems with your advise to use a religious forum to discuss this issue.This did not start as a question about religion but it would be a null point if there were no guidelines in some peoples lives and some folks do use religion as a guideline.
If you think a subject should have been discussed in a different forum then why did that not apply 10 pages ago or even better when you posted your own reply to the subject.In the future as a moderator ,please put the rules of etiquette along with the subject.
In this case ask the people to reply without moral or religious points of view.Only their animal like tendencies and the answers may be what you want rather than the feelings of the posters...
Are you also suggesting we not use this site to debate subjects...how not nice of you to suggest that as a moderator..
I thought we promoted the interaction of people here at Mingle...

Please if you are going to knock me for my opinions then could you show me where I said any of the following that you say I said.
1}First of all the US is not a theocracy. ***I never said it was***
2}"The Bible is the only truth and the only way for all mankind, and people should be jailed for cohabitation.*** never said that either***
in your summary of misinterpreted statements I made ,you conclude with the following:
"If you want to be a "good steward" for God you are not going to accomplish that by wagging your finger in other people's faces. That betrays arrogance and self-righteousness. Which is more likely to sour people on Christianity than to attract them to it. I know it did for me."
I must disagree with your opinion of my notes..I never said anyone must follow me or my ways and did say however the following "I believe that sex outside marriage is wrong and therefore I choose not to do it."
I can then and only then say I am leading by example not force so what is your problem with my want to be a leader and not follow the masses to self degradation..You are welcome to do it but folks like me may once in a while cross your path and remind you the behavior is not good and may have bad consequences...Knowledge is power and I feel that you must be exposed to different opinions in order to properly come to a conclusion on anything.You now know my opinion whether you like it or not..and by the way you have my permission to be whomever you want to be....
Read into my notes what you may but please keep it accurate. ..

In order for evil to exist ,
all it takes is for good men to do nothing...

Sage ,
I have never told you to shut up and while I understand you are the "great man of knowledge" here and the mediator of sorts,please do not ask me to stop when others are prodding me with sticks..
My opinion on this will never change but there is a chance that through reading my or your opinion someone else may change their lifestyle.While you promote out of wedlock arrangements,I do not and feel it is only right to clarify definitions when needed..
knowledge is power...

Lets all agree that there is a difference of opinion because we all must be reading a different Bible and using different dictionaries..but I will add the reason we as Americans are looked down upon by most of the world is our lack of morals and our lack of Godly behavior and it shows here on a sight talking about FWB for folks over 50...I laugh at the idea that you think God rewards anyone for acts like this..
By definition this is what I found...
Whore: a promiscuous or immoral woman2: a male who engages in sexual acts for money3: a venal or unscrupulous person
Adultery: Although the legal definition of "adultery" differs in nearly every legal system, the common theme is sexual relations outside of marriage, in one form or another.

For example, New York defines an adulterer as a person who "engages in sexual intercourse with another person at a time when he has a living spouse, or the other person has a living spouse."[8] North Carolina defines adultery as when any man and woman "lewdly and lasciviously associate, bed and cohabit together."[9] Minnesota defines adultery as: "when a married woman has sexual intercourse with a man other than her husband, whether married or not, both are guilty of adultery".[10] Adultery is against the governing law of the U.S. military.[11]

Solicitation:In the United States, solicitation is a crime; it is an inchoate offense that consists of a person offering money or something else of value in order to incite or induce another to commit a crime with the specific intent that the person solicited commit the crime. The term 'solicitation' always implies some sort of commercial element (payment). Local ordinances that forbid solicitation may prevent door-to-door sales, but they cannot exclude Jehovah's Witnesses, political candidates or others who advocate a position, but do not offer or request money. Putting Fliers on a door is not soliciting. In the other common law countries, the situation is different:

prostitution: A variety of terms are used for those who engage in prostitution, some of which distinguish between different kinds, or imply a value judgment about them. Prostitute is generally accepted as the least value-laden term; common alternatives with varying implications include escort and whore. (Not all professional escorts are prostitutes, however.) Prostitution is sometimes nicknamed the "world's oldest profession".The English word whore derives from the Old English word hōra (from the Indo-European root kā meaning "desire"). Use of the word whore is widely considered pejorative, especially in its modern slang form of ho'. In Germany most prostitutes' organizations deliberately use the word Hure (whore) since they feel that prostitute is a bureaucratic term. Those seeking to remove the social stigma associated with prostitution often promote terminology such as commercial sex worker (CSW) or sex trade worker. A hooker or streetwalker solicits customers in public places; a call girl makes appointments by phone.

Call it what you may,just do not imply you are not a whore if you are engaging in acts of FWB..

Argue with Merrian- Webster about definition of whore not me...
Here it is:
1: a woman who engages in sexual acts for money : prostitute ; also : a promiscuous or immoral woman2: a male who engages in sexual acts for money3: a venal or unscrupulous person