1. Money cannot buy happiness but its more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy but remember the bastard's name.

3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle;

I'm still a virgin."
"What ?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be..

"Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.

"Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

"Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver..

"Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

"Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

"Husband #8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

"Husband #9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it..

"Husband #10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was........... God I miss him !!

"But now that I've married you, I'm so excited"..
"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why ?


"You're with the " GOVERNMENT ". ..
"This time I KNOW I'M gonna get SCREWED."

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.


TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.


THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.


FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.


FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.


SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.


SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.


EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.


NINE... Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.


TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.


ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.


TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.


THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'


FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.


FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.


SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.


SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.


EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.


NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice


TWENTY- ONE. Spend some time alone.

I watched free movies online from the ff. sites:

-solarmovie.com
-letmewatchthis.com or www.1channel.ch
-watch-movies.net.in

enjoy watching

An old Italian gentleman lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual
tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.
His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man
wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my
tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden
plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would
be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love,
Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Papa,
Don't dig up that garden.. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie


At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up
the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man
and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.


Dear Papa,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you,
Vinnie

1. HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything you say and do, FOREVER.

2. WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can't do anything right, but you can't live without her.

3. EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for only your basic needs.

4. SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing functional, but at least she is exciting, colorful, and lots of fun.

5. INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access and hard to keep running.

6. SERVER Woman: Claims to be available to you, but Always busy when you need her.

7. MULTIMEDIA Woman: She has a way of making horrible things look very beautiful.

8. CD-ROM Woman: She always has you on the move, going faster and faster.

9. E-MAIL Woman: Out of Every ten things she says, eight are plain nonsense.

10. VIRUS Woman: Also known as “WIFE”; when you are least expecting her, she shows up, installs herself, and starts gobbling up all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will lose almost every thing. If you don't try to uninstall her, you will still have nothing.

At 85 years of age, Roger married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old.

Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock' on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action.

They unite as one. All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Roger, Again he is ready for more 'action'. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Roger Is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action'. And, once more they enjoy each other..

But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I Am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once.You are truly a great lover, Roger.'

Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says:
'You mean I was here already?'


The moral of the story:
Don't be afraid of getting old, Alzheimer's has its advantages

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but...

"Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got £9000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new one that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But....

The thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's £1000 an inch."
The man perks up at this. "So," the doctor says, "It's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine inches, she might be a bit put out.

But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five inches this time, she might be disappointed.
So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision." The man agrees to talk with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?"
"I have," says the man.
"And what is the decision?" asks the doctor.

"We're having granite worktops."

A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell.
He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard.

As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls.
He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.
"Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies."

"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat
off the back of his neck, "These puppies come
from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."
The boy dropped his head for a moment.
Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a
handful of change and held it up to the farmer.
"I've got thirty-nine cents.
Is that enough to take a look?"
"Sure," said the farmer.

And with that he let out a whistle. "Here, Dolly!" he called.
Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran
Dolly followed by four little balls of fur.
The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence.
His eyes danced with delight.

As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed
something else stirring inside the doghouse.
Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller.
Down the ramp it slid..
Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began
hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up...
"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt.

The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said,
"Son, you don't want that puppy.
He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."
With that the little boy stepped back from the fence,
reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers.

In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down
both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe.
Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself,
and he will need someone who understands."

With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup.
Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.
"How much?" asked the little boy... "No charge,"
answered the farmer, "There's no charge for love."
The world is full of people who need someone who understands.

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar,
the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news, and so I knew he would jump."

The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money...

The Philippines is an archipelagic nation made up of 7,107 islands spanning 1,840 kilometers north to south.

The three main Philippine island groups are Luzon, the Visayas and Mindanao.

March to May is hot and dry. June to October is rainy, November to February is cool. Average temperatures: 78°F / 25°C to 90°F / 32°C; humidity is 77%.

Two official languages --- Filipino and English. Filipino which is based on Tagalog, is the national language. English is also widely used and is the medium of instruction in higher education.

Eight (8) major dialects spoken by majority of the Filipinos: Tagalog, Cebuano, Ilocano, Hiligaynon or Ilonggo, Bicol, Waray, Pampango, and Pangasinense.

Filipino is that native language which is used nationally as the language of communication among ethnic groups. Like any living language, Filipino is in a process of development through loans from Philippine languages and non-native languages for various situations, among speakers of different social backgrounds, and for topics for conversation and scholarly discourse. There are about 76 to 78 major language groups, with more than 500 dialects.

Some 80% of Filipinos are Catholic. About 15% are Moslem. The rest are made up of smaller Christian denominations and Buddhist.

Good morning in there and late afternoon from here (4:49 pm). Have a nice Sunday

A young man was getting ready to graduate college. For
many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's
showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told
him that was all he wanted.

As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited
signs that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the
morning of his graduation his father called him into his private
study. His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine
son, and told him how much he loved him. He handed his son
a beautiful wrapped gift box.

Curious, but somewhat disappointed the young man
opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible. Angrily,
he raised his voice at his father and said, "With all your money you
give me a Bible?" and stormed out of the house, leaving the holy
book.

Many years passed and the young man was very successful in
business.
He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his
father was very old, and thought perhaps he should go to him. He
had not seen him since that graduation day. Before he could make
arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had
passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son. He
needed to come home immediately and take care things.
When he arrived at his father's house, sudden sadness and
regret filled his heart.

He began to search his father's important papers and
saw the still new Bible, just as he had left it years ago. With
tears, he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages. As he
read those words, a car key dropped from an envelope
taped behind the Bible.
It had a tag with the dealer's name, the same dealer who had the
sports car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation,
and the words...PAID IN FULL.

How many times do we miss God's blessings because they are not
packaged as we expected?

Dear Wife,

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. don’t try to find me. Your FRIEND & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life! ——

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that didn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to my mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY FRIEND, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my friend had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all that, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!


P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my friend Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem...

"You're my destiny" (In my heart he is the one for me)

try...hotdog omelet and corned beef omelet.....that's the simplest one and easy to prepare...

Hey girl, musta ka na? When I came back online last 2 years ago ,your the 2nd person that I looked for...Hope everything is ok with you, I tried to send you a message but only up to 40's who can send you one eh lol.....if you read this send me a message ok.....

Goodluck "KIM"

Garage Door

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question. As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.' He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?' She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tyres..

-they cheat because they are coward!