A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

No Tears
No man or woman is worth your tears,
but the one who is, won't make you cry.

Thanks everyone, been really busy with my new house but i'm back now and will dig out some good jokes or ya'll soon

Tahanks again
Cooly

Hey just wanted to say how much I missed all my friends here and it's sure great to be back online. send me a email and say Hi
I'll be posting some jokes real soon

Cooly

Hi Molly

Welcome, I've just got back here myself and I think you'll enjoy all the folks here

Cooly

Always liked this joke Rob, good one, take care Bro

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.

2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.

3. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.

4. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

5. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

6. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

9. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.

10.She is not a SL*T - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.

11.She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.

12.She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME – He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS

6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

7. He does not act like a TOTAL A*S - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.

8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.

9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED

10. He is not HORNY - He is SEXUALLY FOCUSED

A man walks up to the front desk in a hotel lobby, he hears something in the background, and suddenly turns around and ends up elbowing a beautiful woman in the breast, very apologetic, he says: "I'm terribly sorry ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, you'll forgive me...

" The woman says: "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 1221!!!"

A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk. A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?"
The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain."
"So what happened that's so horrible?" the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
"Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket."
"Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad."
"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied.
"So what happened then?" the man asked.
The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left."
"And then?" "Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket."
The man laughed and said, "Again?"
The farmer replied, "Some things you just can't explain."
"So, what did you do then?" the man asked.
"I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right."
"And then?" "Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail."
"Hmmm," the man said and nodded his head. "So, what did you do?" the man asked.
"Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in...
Some things you just can't explain."

What is the difference between in-laws and out-laws?


Out-laws are wanted.

thanks, yep know a few just like that too
Cooly

What do toilets, clitoris, and anniversaries have in common?


Men miss them all!

thanks ya'll
Cooly

Why did the woman only change her baby’s diaper once a month?

On the package it read "good for up to 15 pounds

thanks everyone glad ya liked
Cooly

thanks everyone, so glad ya'll enjoyed, my pleasure
Cooly

TxsGal
Just been busy busy, did get to post somejokes for ya'll to enjoy, good to see ya'll again
Cooly

A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother. "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their thangs?"
"Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

"But then when I have a baby," the teenager pondered, "won't it knock all my teeth out?"

A man wanted a hundred dollar bill tatooed to his penis. So he goes to a Tattoo Shop and makes the request. The Tattoo designer tells him that it would cost him $1000.00 to do the special bizarre request. The guy thinks for a while and decides that its a fair price. The designer starts the tattoo-ing and in the middle of the job asks the man, "Why are you doing this?" The man replies, "That's personal." With that, the designer continues to do the tattoo. The designer is still
Intrigued by such a bizarre request, so he tells the customer, "I'll waive the $1000.00 if you tell me why you are doing this." The man thinks again and replies, "Okay, that's reasonable." The man continues, "There are three reasons, first I like to play with money, second I like to watch money grow, and third and the most important, if my wife wants to blow a hundred, well, she can do it right at home."

Yes I glad to see ya'll again too, thanks much
Cooly