Honestly, I think Trey Parker and Matt Stone hit it on the head with a South Park episode some years back. They played it for laughs, but it actually makes sense: The conspiracy theories are based on disinformation (such as doctored photos showing the underside of the jets, theories about detonation or the Flight 93 info) gradually "leaked" by our government in a deliberate effort to stimulate the exact response we eventually witnessed from conspiracy theorists. The motivation? To cast doubt as to the reality behind the archtitects of the September 11th attacks in the eyes of the American public and therefore (to some degree) hide in plain sight the embarassing fact that a group of pissed off desert cave dwellers managed to pull off the worst terrorist attack ever perpetrated against the presumably most powerful nation on Earth by manipulating our own flawed system. The only thing worse than the idea that our own government brought the towers down as an excuse to go to war is the truth- that a group of ragged extremist Bin Laden acolytes emasculated us in front of the entire world simply by showing up within our borders and using resources we practically handed to them on a silver platter....and we couldn't do a damned thing about it except stand by and watch becuase we were so hopelessly unprepared.

The Rocky Story - not merely the original film,but the entire series . Particularly poignant when you watch the 2006 film Rocky Balboa is the realization that, when all was said and done,the entire saga of Rocky was not about his victory in the ring, but rather his triumph in finding and winning the great love of his life.



- The Fly (1986): Cronenebrg's redux of the sci/fi horror classic may have been remarkable for it's ghastly, oscar-winning makeup effects and powerful performances by Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis, but at it's core is a strong love story about the kindled passion and eventual destruction of two unlikely lovers (and the potential family resulting from their union), the result of an experiment gone horribly awry. That's why The Fly is not only one of the best remakes ever made, it's also one of the best genre films of all time..because it's really a tragedy about love torn asunder disguised as a horror film.


-The Crow: Based on an actual tragedy, this dark classic is a powerful love story through and through. Initially a graphic novel written by James O'Barr as a way to cope with his grief over the death of his fiancee in an automobile related incident, the film essays the grim poetry of the source material brilliantly, with Eric Draven driven to seek justice from beyond the grave not so much out of spite for what was done to him,but as vengeance for what they did to his beloved Shelley and the shattered dreams left by their murders. The sequence where Shelly appears after his work is finished and emrbaces him, welcoming Eric back to eternity with her, is among the most emotionally powerful,well earned moments I've ever seen grace the silver screen.


-Christine: Even more so than the Stephen King novel which inspired it, John Capenter's classy film adaptation is at heart a love story about a boy and the one great love of his life- a pissed off, candy apple red 1958 Plymouth Fury named Christine who, it turns out, does NOT appreciate the competition necking with her man in the front seat at the drive in. Strange as it sounds, Arnie and Christine's love affair has a surprisingly poignant quality..as is evidenced by the unexpectedly touching moment when Christine-whose radio only plays vintage fifties music - serenades her injured suitor with "I'll always love you".

Disclaimer: I have no idea if any of these will get you arrested. Probably, so assess your personal circumstances and determine how adverse the affect of a lengthy prison sentence will be on your life before attempting any of these.



D.S.'s Guide to Making Your Day More Interesting!



- Locate a driver who is slowing traffic on the road because they're distracted from the proper operation of their vehicle by talking on a cell phone (chances are all you'll have to do is look to your immediate right), ram their vehicle with your car and force them off the road. As they open their door to confront you, shout in an authoritative voice "Extensive cell phone use causes health problems!!" and drive away really fast.



- Walk into a Starbucks and ask for a "regular coffee",then sit back and enjoy the bewildered expression on the counter person's face as they try to decipher which selection a regular coffee refers to.



-Organize a completely meaningless rally to encourage your local library to remove all Stephanie Meyer books from their shelves due to them being "intellectually de-stimulating" .



- Show up at a Ku Klux Klan rally dressed as Ghostface from the Scream films. As soon as you get close enough to one of the participants, use a vocoder to yell "My favorite scary movie is Deliverance!" as you stab him.



- Learn to speak squirrel. Use this knowledge to drive to the local public park and convince your rodent brethren that they should rise up against their homo sapien oppressors.



-Sneak into the office of the Supervisor of elections, find the last few boxes of ballots not yet recounted and replace them with boxes filled with ballots registering votes for Optimus Prime.



- Gather a mob of Star Trek fans, jack them up on donuts and coffee and then raid a Babylon 5 convention while bellowing the battle cry 'Set Phasers to "wannabe"!"



- Learn to speak dolphin. Head to SeaWorld. convince your dolphin brethren that all of those people swimming with them are in fact oppressors who want to enslave the whole of sea dwelling mammalian society. Then suggest that they clue the Orcas in on this as well.



-Walk into an Arby's at lunchtime with a fully grown cow in tow. Leave the animal standing among the other patrons as you approach the counter and announce to the employees in a firm,loud voice that after days of following clues, purchase reports, livestock auctions and a generally extensive paper trail, you've tracked the cow's sister to this building and have come to take her home to her family. Then pause, act confused and ask exactly what it is they sell there.



-Purchase ten gallons of motor oil. Find a BP gas station and, when no one is looking, chop a five gallon hole in the ground. Pour the oil into the hole until it fills up and overflows. Then point and scream in a loud, horrified voice "They're at it again!!"



-Assemble a mob of Star wars fans , get them jacked up on Pepsi and Taco Bell and then tell them that the Star Trek fans you sent to battle with the Babylon 5 people earlier in the day are in fact in the convention center desperately attempting to not only convince George Lucas to make a new Star Wars film about midi-chlorians starring only Jake LLoyd and Jar Jar Binks, but to subsequently re-release all of the existing films with new footage altering the entire saga to include references to this new film. Explain that when this happens, it will result in a newly added scene in Episode IV:A New Hope where neither Han nor Greedo but Yoda shot first. Arm them with functional lightsabers and get the hell out of the way.



-Find an ex you had bad break up with and tell them that they need to go to the clinic because some representatives from the CDC want to speak with them . As they frantically scramble to get to the clinic, go home and get some rest. After forcing cars off the road, learning to speak both squirrel and dolphin , sparking two animal uprisings and a war between legions of Sc-Fi fans while framing BP, embarrassing Arby's and attempting to have a transformer elected Governor, you've definitely earned a good night's sleep.



:)

The Rabbi.


Once there lived a Rabbi

With spirit pure and clear

A gentle,loving Rabbi

Who taught for all to hear.



He was the Son

of the most High

Possessed of heavenly grace

He was the One

Sent to die

To bear sin in our place.



But what many enduring stories

Which pass from year to year

Sometimes subtract from His many glories

is that the Rabbi once felt fear.



Alone in prayer as others slept

kneeling on the grass

tears of blood the Rabbi wept

that this heavy cup would pass.



But His faith in God

and love for all

Overcame the dread.

Under punishing rod

He took the fall

and suffered in our stead.



His time on the cross has inspired

billions to seek salvation.

At the tomb what next transpired

Has transformed every nation.



So let us always rejoice

And remember what it's all about

And celebrate in one voice

that the Rabbi had no doubt.

- D.S.

I hear you,man. I need to liven up my social presence as well. Make more of an impact when I enter a room, y'know? Personally,I've chosen to develop deep psychosis. It's unpredictable and, under the correct set of circumstances, can lead to all kinds of messy fun.

I've never actually participated in one of these "rate my profile" forums before,so here goes. I'd be interested in what you folks think.It may not necessarily be a conventional profile, but it IS honest.:)

We shouldn't refrain from helping people in need or otherwise acting out of love/compassion just because the possibility of negative consequences exists. That possibility is always going to be there....being human carries with it a fair amount of risk. To refuse to care because of that risk is tantamount to being a zombie: you're technically dead,but haven't stopped moving yet. Life without soul.

Having written that, the horrific turn of events which concludes the tale was my point in writing the story: Violence..particularly this sort of terrorism... rarely has any impact on the government or religious movement it is presumably directed at. Instead it harms the innocent, including a young boy who was simply trying to help someone in need. That's why it's so inherently evil.

Amidst the scorching sun and dusty earth, The Boy would walk each day . He would head to the market far away in town, where the adults busied themselves with commerce. There he would attempt to trade for food the carefully woven rugs and clothes his mother created with her aging hands. Though some might view his life as one of hardship and misfortune, The Boy had known nothing else since birth. To him it was as it was meant to be.

One morning, as the sun passed from dawn into the heart of day and The Boy traveled along the rock strewn path worn over time by the feet of many such sojourners on the trail to town, he heard the sound of someone crying.

The Boy slowed his pace, shifting the woven sack full of handcrafted linens to one side, the strap slung over his shoulder so as not to lose balance or drop it onto the dusty earth, reducing its value to the merchants willing to offer much needed vegetables or bread for the colorful items contained within. The Boy continued to walk towards the sound, which seemed to be coming from the other side of a fairly large outcropping of stone jutting from beneath the sand, no doubt an outgrowth of the caverns standing like monoliths hundreds of yards away.

As he rounded the rocks, The Boy saw the source of the cries: another boy, about his age. The stranger was sitting on the dirt, a dark brown satchel resting next to him , forgotten as he clutched his ankle with his hands.

The Boy noticed immediately the deep cuts on the strangers' foot and the scrapes marking his elbows and even his chin. From the way the surrounding dirt and rocks were disturbed, The Boy guessed that the stranger had been standing on the rocky outgrowth and had fallen to the ground.

The crying stranger looked at The Boy, his eyes pleading.

"Wh-who are you?' he asked, a slight breeze stirring up dust which blew across his young cheeks, giving his tears more prominence.

"Just a boy going to town for trade," The Boy answered. He was always cautious aboout telling strangers too much about himself. He had heard tales of wandering bands of thieves and murderers roaming the desert and a knew a boy had to be careful when meeting someone new. "Who are you?"

"My name is Micah and I too am on my way to town. I was resting on this rock" Micah glanced up at the jutting stone "and when I stood up, I lost my footing and stumbled to the ground. I've hurt my ankle very badly."

"How far is your home, Micah?" The Boy asked.

"We are closer to town than to my home," Micah answered." I must go into town. It is important to my family. Please, can you help me?"

The Boy weighed this in his heart. He knew that his walking time would double if he helped Micah along. That might mean missing the busiest time of the trading day and less food for his family. However, he also had a very kind heart and knew that helping others was what his mother called "a noble enterprise." The Boy sighed and carefully helped Micah to his feet, slipping one arm around Micah's waist and allowing Micah to slip an arm around his shoulders.

"Here, have some of the water in my sack," The Boy offered, gesturing to a small bottle of liquid nestled inside of a pocket lining the wall of the sack. Michah drew the bottle out and sipped it gratefully, smiling at The Boy and offering his thanks.

"Oh wait, I must grab my satchel!" Micah cried out and together they hopped over to where the brown bag lay,The Boy leaned in a nd snatched it off the ground, handing it to Micah,who slid it over his shoulder with a grateful smile.

"Well, let's be on with it then" The Boy suggested and they continued together their journey into town.

It did indeed take longer than The Boy had originally planned, but to his delight when they arrived, the marketplace was filled with both merchants and customers. Rather than miss the best part of the day, they had managed to arrive right when business was at its peak.

"There are men here who know how to tend to wounds such as yours," The Boy told Micah as they entered the common area of the market. All around them wares such as food , clothing, books and tools were being offered. Some of the more affluent patrons paid in gold. Most people bartered for the exchange of goods. A brilliant smile lit The Boy's face. These were his people. Many of them had children with whom he would play from time to time, though he did not see any of them today.

"Shall I take you to one of the men who can help you?" The Boy asked Micah.

Micah shook his head. "No. I must go there." Micah pointed at a particularly busy booth. The Boy shrugged and together they made their way beneath the canopy , into the shade of the tent .

The hum of dozens of conversations taking place at the same time surrounded the boys and the adults fashioned a wall of humanity in all directions.

The Boy watched all of this and took it in. It was so exciting..such a change from the quiet, lonely life he and his mother lived on the outskirts of the desert. Here there was life and activity. Here there was sound and color and a thousand different sights to be seen.

In the midst of all the commotion, The Boy became aware that Micah had fallen still and was murmuring. The sound was at first cloaked by the noise of the merchants haggling, but eventually he could make it out. To his surprise, he realized his new friend was reciting a prayer.

The Boy turned to see why Micah was praying and was startled by the sound of adults screaming . Suddenly people were running all about, a frenzy of activity erupting around him. It quickly dawned on The Boy that- strange as it may have seemed - the adults were running away from them.

"Micah, are you seeing this?" The Boy asked, facing his friend. Micah was standing perfectly still, eyes closed, still reciting his prayer. He had managed to slip the satchel off of his shoulder and was holding it in his hands, having opened the bag. Inside was something which The Boy thought was made out of metal. Many coiling lines of red and blue spun around it like tiny serpents. The Boy stared at the object inside of the satchel, then back at the people running to and fro and realized that this was why they were so upset.

The Boy glanced at Micah and saw his new friend open his young eyes. A calm, almost distant smile played on Micah's lips.

"Micah?" The Boy called. Micah moved his hands into the satchel.

Then there was only light.

Hate destroys. People cannot live to hate..they can only die for it. Choose life.. Choose love .

- D.S.

Note: I originally wrote this piece in April of 2009. Sadly,it's still relevant. Enjoy.


Adbots and Spam

(A Dr.Suess "Green Eggs and Ham" parody)

Would you read
Adbots and Spam?

I would not
Scam I am.

I do not like them
Scam I Am
I do not like Adbots and Spam

Would you read them
on your boat?
Even if they get your goat?
Would you read them in a plane?
Even if it's such a pain?

I would not read them on a boat
and oh lord yes
they get my goat
I will not read them in a plane
not even on a trip to Spain.
I will not read them
Scam I am
I will not read adbots and spam.

Would you read them in the john
Or during that long lunch you're on?

I take no laptop to the john
Nor to a lunch I may be on
I would not read them anyway
I wish they would just go away.

The nonstop adverts make me blue
Like money swindles
sent from Peru
Or trying to sell
a porno site
how do you people sleep at night?
and weight loss pills sold through the net
are not what I call
the safest bet.

I will not read them in a plane
I will not read them on a train
The stuff they sell
it never works
so just stop trying
you online jerks!

I will not read them
Scam I am
I cannot stand Adbots and Spam!

Dear Diary-

So I woke up today and stumbled to the kitchen where I attempted to make a cup of coffee. After dousing the small fire caused by my accidentally cooking a coffee mug full of instant in the microwave on "high" without water, I headed down the street to Dunkin Donuts.

I had to wait in line for forty minutes. The excessive wait time was due to a combination of factors, one being a family of four who at first couldn't decide what they wanted, then got into an argument which resulted in their little girl launching into a tirade about how it wasn't fair and that she should be entitled to a creme-filled if she wants. She referred to this as the Pastry Proclamation, which I thought was relatively impressive for a four year old but just seemed to annoy her parents.

Then some guy sitting at a booth told the woman to keep her kids quiet and she went ballistic , grabbed a trash can that was in the lobby and threw it at his head. A fight erupted which eventually required the police to show up. While the police were on scene, the family's son decided this would be a good time to kick one of the officers in the shin and when the officer went down, the kid grabbed his gun, held the cashier at gunpoint, demanded all of the money in her register plus a box of crullers , ran out the door, hotwired a car and took off.

I stepped past the melee' and approached the counter only to find that the other employee - the one who hadn't been accosted by a gun wielding seven year old- was on the phone with her boyfriend. I politely cleared my throat to grab her attention, but "Shoniqua" wasn't taking the hint and continued to argue with her man over whether or not he had taken a "booty call" last night instead of coming over to visit her and her sisters. Not to be mean, but given the basic lack of personality this woman was demonstrating in the donut shop today if I was her man and I had to spend an evening socializing with her and two of her genetic bretheren under the same roof, I would place a cyanide capsule in my pocket as a guaranteed "out".

So Shoniqua finally ended her call and- apparently unsatisifed with whatever conclusion they'd arrived at in her personal drama - glared at me balefully for a full moment before glancing over my shoulder and finally acknowledging that a S.W.A.T. team had infiltrated her place of employment and taken a bewildered husband , a four year old girl and a nearly rabid mother into custody while simultaneously ordering air support and heavily armed backup to search for the armed pre-teen currently at large in a stolen Miata. Shoniqua turned her attention back to me and asked "Hey, what happened ?" before adding (as an afterthought) " Do you want something?"

"A sense of dignity, some hope and the last forty minutes of my life back would be a great start" I replied and walked out the door to seek my caffiene fix somewhere else. It was right about this time that my cell phone rang . I said hello and my boss answered, frantically yelling for me to not come to work today because some psychotic kid armed with what looked like a standard issue police revolver had taken the place hostage , demanding some coffee to go with his box of crullers. The irony wasn't lost on me.

So I wished my boss good luck, said that I hoped he wasn't about to become a statistic and got into my car. I found a Starbucks a few minutes later and - according to the hastily scribbled note taped to the front door- it was closed because the managing staff all have relatives working for a company which the news was proclaiming had been taken hostage by an armed seven year old and they wanted to be there on scene to see how it turned out. So I decided to just go home.

On the way back, I stopped and bought a coffeemaker.

This is a humor piece I wrote just for the heck of it some time ago. No real point..other than to hopefully put a smile on your face. Enjoy.


Read My Mind.

((((phone ringing))))


Zelda: Hello,thank you for calling The Sorcerers Advocate Reconvergent Spirit hotline .This is Zelda and I'll be your reader today. Are you over the age of 18?

Caller: You call yourselves the S.A.R.S. hotline? Really?

Zelda: Hmm..I never thought about it that way, but-

<click>

(dial tone)

((phone ringing)))

Zelda: Hello and thank you for calling the -um- psychic hotline.This is Zelda and I'll be your reader today. Are you over the age of 18?

Caller: Oh I'm sorry, I thought I was calling the Sorcerer's Advocate Reconvergent Spirit hotline. My mistake. <click>

(dial tone)

Zelda (muttering) Didn't see that one coming.

((phone ringing))

Zelda: Hello this is The Sorcerer's Advocate Reconvergent Spirit hotline . This is Zelda and I'll be your reader today. Are you over the age of 18?

Caller: (Hysterical laughter) Hey! Bob was right! (more laughter from other people in the background). They really DO call themselves the S.A.R.S hotline!!! Hahahaha! <click>

(dial tone)

Zelda: Oh son of a bi-

((phone ringing))

Zelda: This is Zelda, this is the Sorcerer's Advocate Reconvergent Spirit hotline and, yeah, the acronym for that is SARS. You gotta problem with it?

Caller: Hey, whatever floats your boat, lady.

Zelda: (sighs) My apologies sir. It's been a long day. Are you over the age of 18?

Caller: Not to test you more than it sounds like you have been today, Zelda, but shouldn't you know that already?

Zelda: Oh um..well I need to know your age in order to feel out your psychic vibes. They're different for various age groups. I have to adjust my focus for each person.

Caller: You have to calibrate your psychic abilities? Do you get a free lube with that?

Zelda: I'm sorry?

Caller: Nothing. Just my rather sardonic wit at play. Yes Zelda, I'm over the age of 18.

Zelda; Okay..I'm thinking..I'm sensing..let your mind relax caller. What is your name?

Caller: You're zero-for-two, Zelda.

Zelda : (sighs again) Look, buddy.....

Caller: Zelda, let me cut you off right there and offer you my own vision . You're not really a psychic and you only took this job because all of the telecommunication positions in this city were filled. This seemed like a way to make some quick cash and pay the bills, but the guilt you feel over the fact that you make a living scamming people over the phone every day is beginning to take an emotional toll on you. I'm sensing that I'm right. Care to chime in?

Zelda; Well, yeah, actually. You ARE right. How did you know all that?

Caller: I'm reading your mind. That'll be $4.99 for the first minute and $2.00 for each additional minute.

Zelda: Are you kidding me?

Caller: Yeah, I am actually. I know all of this because you were halfway to where you are now a month ago when I last spoke to you, the day I quit that stupid job. I figure thirty more days of this crap couldn't have improved your state of mind.

Zelda: Wait a minute..John?

Caller: Guilty as charged. I got your schedule from Cynthia who used to run the unlicensed betting parlor in the basement of that building.

Zelda; So what made you decide to call?

Caller: Not "what", "who"? I remember you had originally come to the city to secure a career in telecommunications and I'm working for a local television station as programming director now -y'know Downtown's public access WFSH "The Fish"? They have an opening for second shift master control operator and I thought you'd be perfect, so I put in a good word for you with the person responsible for finding someone to fill the position, which happens to be me. If you're interested the job is yours, Janeane.

Zelda; Wow..it's been so long since I've spoken to someone on this line who called me by my real name that I forgot how it sounds. So when can I start?

Caller: Ten minutes ago . All you have to do is hang up the phone right now, tell the manager you quit, come downstairs , get in your car and drive to the station. We'll take the rest from there. So, what do you say? Are you in?

Zelda: What, did you suddenly lose your psychic powers? Don't you know what my answer is already?

Caller: Knock my socks off.

<click>

(dial tone)

- The End. :)

I hate-

-That our country spawned the show the Jersey Shore. Seriously , 200 years after we led the world into a new era by establishing a democratic nation and this is where we're at?

-Beets..natures genuinely imperfect food. A beet is merely a failed onion, without the clever disposition.

- The use of U R, OIC, LOL, ROTFL ,LMAO and other texting abbreviations within the body of a private message on Facebook or any other email where actual words are expected. I volunteer as an English tutor every week and I have to tell you, our standard of literacy has plummeted far enough to be dangerously cracked. In fact,I hate texting,period. What genius decided that the keypad of a cell phone should double as a typewriter?

-that Waldorf and Statler-the two old guys constantly riffing from the balcony on the Muppet Show- weren't chosen to replace Simon Cowell on American Idol.

- Twilight, for taking vampires from stalking ancient European castles and fog-enshrouded moors, slowly overcoming the town of Jerusalem's Lot, forcing a scared high school student and a former tv horror show host to fight them in suburbia or turning a California town into the murder capital of the world to sparkling while occupying a baseball diamond. Ergh. Argh. Bleah.

- Any real word endeavor which by design and execution exists for the specific purpose of humiliating, brutalizing or in any other regard causing real harm and/or emotional pain to another human being, ie torture, cheating on a spouse, slavery, rape, religious oppression, hate crimes..etc. Basically, I hate the hate.:)

Hi folks..I'm new to the site.I live in the Lake Worth, FL area (that rarest or rarities..a native) and I hope to meet someone who"gets" me, y'know?